This Has Me Worried

[Fldancer90]

I know communication is the number one priority of LDRs. If you let communication slip, the relationship is going to start to get rocky.

My boyfriend has always struggled with texting. He very rarely initiates, and that takes a toll on me. As women, we're raised being told if a guy cares about you- he'll talk to you. This guy is amazing in every other area besides initiating text message conversations. But I can't help but wonder what this all means, if it means anything.

We've talked about this a few times and he does try to do better. But it doesn't last very long. When I initiate, the conversation is good. We talk a lot throughout our days. But then I try to wait and give him a chance to initiate and we don't end up talking that day.

I know he cares about me because of his in person behavior and the conversations we have. I'm just not sure what to do about this part of our communication. This is not a guy I want to let go of.

[sasad]

I know communication is the number one priority of LDRs. If you let communication slip, the relationship is going to start to get rocky.

My boyfriend has always struggled with texting. He very rarely initiates, and that takes a toll on me. As women, we're raised being told if a guy cares about you- he'll talk to you. This guy is amazing in every other area besides initiating text message conversations. But I can't help but wonder what this all means, if it means anything.

We've talked about this a few times and he does try to do better. But it doesn't last very long. When I initiate, the conversation is good. We talk a lot throughout our days. But then I try to wait and give him a chance to initiate and we don't end up talking that day.

I know he cares about me because of his in person behavior and the conversations we have. I'm just not sure what to do about this part of our communication. This is not a guy I want to let go of.

Almost every post you have is about his lack of texting for communications..

As a woman, I was brought up to be equal. I text and always will, more then my SO.. he doesn't like to. I love it. We compromise.. I text, he sends a smiley face, life is good.

If he wants a relationship and stuff, don't nag him and force him to be something he isn't. Stop trying to jeopardize and push him away is what I am trying to say.

[Mims27]

I agree with sasad. Not everyone is the same or feels the same about texting. Just because you text a lot or want him to, doesn't mean he should. Some people just don't text a lot. As long as he replies and doesn't ignore your messages, what does it matter? Don't overthink it.

[Fldancer90]

Almost every post you have is about his lack of texting for communications..

As a woman, I was brought up to be equal. I text and always will, more then my SO.. he doesn't like to. I love it. We compromise.. I text, he sends a smiley face, life is good.

If he wants a relationship and stuff, don't nag him and force him to be something he isn't. Stop trying to jeopardize and push him away is what I am trying to say.

Thank you for your reply. It was a little hard to read because I don't want to have a trend of issues. But it is the reality.

I'm severely anxious when it comes to dating (hence the constant over analyzing) and I'm just trying to do this right this time around. I really like this guy but my anxiety and insecurities make me think he's losing interest.

Posting on this forum is always so helpful because when people respond and give an outside perspective, I can get out of my head a little bit.

I do apologize for the repetitive posts.

[sasad]

Thank you for your reply. It was a little hard to read because I don't want to have a trend of issues. But it is the reality.

I'm severely anxious when it comes to dating (hence the constant over analyzing) and I'm just trying to do this right this time around. I really like this guy but my anxiety and insecurities make me think he's losing interest.

Posting on this forum is always so helpful because when people respond and give an outside perspective, I can get out of my head a little bit.

I do apologize for the repetitive posts.

Its all good!! He obviously has feelings for you as you are moving forward with visits etc. It is really hard to change behaviors when you have been hurt. I get that. I wish there was a magic fairy wand to get rid of anxiety.

[snow]

I really wouldn't worry about that. I am horrible at initiating a conversation and I have always been. All of my friends know and that's why they usually initiate and if they don't know, I make myself clear.
People are different and as long as he talks to you when you initiate, is it really a problem that he doesn't message you first?

[hmrambling]

I see so much emphasis for constant contact overall in today's society that I'm concerned that people are losing their independence. I prefer a daily phone call over texts. So much is lost in texts on a phone screen. How important is it that a person have texts on their phone, and what does it really add to life?

Some people cannot live life for hanging onto their phones all of the time, waiting for the next text to come through. Some people cannot be present in the company of people when they are face to face because they are constantly checking their phones.

My SO is really chilled out about texting. We text good morning and talk on the phone in the evening. Boom, done. There is no need for constant communication.

If I were in a relationship with someone for only a few months and she wanted to text all of the time, I would have concerns about whether or not I was dealing with an independent person who has a life of her own. I would be thinking, "does she have family? Friends? Hobbies? A job? Responsibilities? Isn't there something she needs to be doing rather than texting me 24/7?" I would not find it attractive at all, and would be concerned if she also wanted me to text 24/7. I want someone who is interesting, has a job, hobbies, responsibilities, and friends. I don't want someone with no life. That's not interesting to me.

[Fldancer90]

I really wouldn't worry about that. I am horrible at initiating a conversation and I have always been. All of my friends know and that's why they usually initiate and if they don't know, I make myself clear.
People are different and as long as he talks to you when you initiate, is it really a problem that he doesn't message you first?

I'm trying to remind myself that it doesn't matter who initiates as long as conversations are taking place throughout the week so we're keeping in touch. But because of my past, I equate initiation of conversation with showing he cares. I'm trying to break this habit because it's only causing me anxiety.

[Fldancer90]

Its all good!! He obviously has feelings for you as you are moving forward with visits etc. It is really hard to change behaviors when you have been hurt. I get that. I wish there was a magic fairy wand to get rid of anxiety.

We'll and that's my biggest issue! I'm looking for more clarification on his feelings for me. So I'm automatically thinking if he's not initiating then he's losing interest. I want to stop this mindset but I'm not sure how to pull myself out.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I know communication is the number one priority of LDRs. If you let communication slip, the relationship is going to start to get rocky.

My boyfriend has always struggled with texting. He very rarely initiates, and that takes a toll on me. As women, we're raised being told if a guy cares about you- he'll talk to you. This guy is amazing in every other area besides initiating text message conversations. But I can't help but wonder what this all means, if it means anything.

We've talked about this a few times and he does try to do better. But it doesn't last very long. When I initiate, the conversation is good. We talk a lot throughout our days. But then I try to wait and give him a chance to initiate and we don't end up talking that day.

I know he cares about me because of his in person behavior and the conversations we have. I'm just not sure what to do about this part of our communication. This is not a guy I want to let go of.

I struggle w/this too. The guy I have started dating LD is kinda bad at texting. When we 1st started texting (we met online), I thought that boiled down to complete disinterest on his part. That wasn't case though, he is just a terrible texter and that has been something I have needed to get used to. He is always up for Skyping (unless he is busy) and we spend quite awhile talking. This indicates that he is interested because I know he wouldn't be spending that time w/me if he wasn't. Plus he sends sweet texts.

I would say if your guy has been like this from the beginning, I wouldn't worry that much. What would worry me is a change in behavior, where he was texting you a lot then stopped responding as often. My guy has talked about needing to text me more and one day after receiving no texts, I let him know I didn't enjoy not hearing from him all day. These days we communicate a little more. Also after having a previous relationship, granted CD, texting does not mean anything. My ex and I texted like crazy, but that didn't make him a great partner. Its all about how he treats you and that is hard to determine in a LD because you don't get to see each other, but just see how he treats you in other ways.

[kittyxuchiha11]

I am absolutely terrible at starting conversations with anyone and like honestly my friends and SO know if they want to talk to me they have to start the conversation first or i will go weeks on end without talking to anyone. My SO at first used to get a bit annoyed about this, about 3 months into our relationship we had our first big fight over this actually and we had to really sit down and explain our feelings for her to realise i'm just awkward as hell and suck at starting conversations, not that i'm trying to ignore her and doom our relationship. So a year in she knows that if she sends a message i'll reply and that's just how our communication works. Just because i don't start conversations doesn't mean i don't love her any less it just means that she has to take the initiative and start it and i'll happily reply and yup that works pretty well for us.