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    #1

    When your SO's family are suspicious of you

    So my SO was on his way out with his sisters and some friends of theirs the other night, and apparently one sister was asking him lots of questions about me, sounds like she's suspicious of me because we met online. Don't get me wrong, I know things can happen. We're all aware of the Catfish show. And I even knew someone who pulled that stunt in real life - when I was at university my ex was friends with this girl who started a relationship with a girl in Australia online, and the girl went into that relationship believing that Sal was a man called Xander. So to some extent I can understand where she is coming from, but sometimes it feels frustrating when my SO and I both know that it's not like that. My SO is the one person who made me feel like I could love again after the nightmare that was the aforementioned ex 14 years ago, and I really want this to work and I hope one day his family will accept me.

    I have offered that if the sister is worried, my SO can pass on my contact details so that she can talk to me and realise that for herself - so far that hasn't happened but he's said he may take me up on that. I was just wondering how anyone else has dealt with that?
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    #2
    Have you met his family yet? Be it in person or on Skype? Until they get to meet you or know you it's hard. My SO and I were together 7 months before he met my family. Times just never worked to get him here when my family was here. They'd seen pictures but not met him. It was a running joke that I'd elaborately made him up. You can either get hung up on it or laugh it off. I laughed it off. My SO finally was able to meet them but we had to fly to my family from different places. I got there first at the airport I text my family a pic of an empty chair and said "can't believe you'll finally meet him". When my SO and I got to my family home, everyone cheered "He's real". I could've gotten so angry and let it impact things with my SO and my family but sometimes you need to let it wash over you. My SO and I still laugh about it now. I know it's hard, but just try not to let it get to you. Easier said than done, I know.

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      #3
      Honestly, asking a lot of questions doesn't really have to mean that they are suspicious because you might be catfishing him, but more that they are unfamiliar with online dating. My husband got asked loads of questions when we were LD about all kinds of stuff, because people just couldn't fathom being in love with someone you haven't met in person.

      I would simply wait and see what happens. You opened communications, the ball is in their court now.

      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
      Married: 1/24/2015
      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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        #4
        Your relationship is still fairly new, and perhaps you have not met yet. SO's mum for some reason did not want to "meet" me on Skype before I went to visit the family. I met all of them after 6 months. By all of them I mean ALL of them. This man has a lot of cousins, uncles and aunts.

        People think all kinds of things when they have not met people. Some of SO's friends thought I was "using" him for sex (he used to have a lover that were not exactly horrible, but also perhaps not the best person for him). So there was that, but things change when people see for themselves. Why would I go to the Turkish countryside if I was just after some fun? Why would I go through all the trouble and spend all the money, and even do his dirty lountry on visits, just to get some action?

        In my country, he has only visited once, so a lot of people are like "does he really exisit? why do you hide him?" And it is hard to share him on Skype when we rarely Skype these days ourselves. I really hope he can spend some more time in my country to balance the situation a bit. I certainly have spent time in his!

        When people ask questions, even if you feel they are trying to "arrest you", just answer them seriously. Put yourself in their shoes. Did you really know online dating before you tried it? Perhaps you do, but at least to be it was unfamiliar to have contact this way before I started it 3 years ago. I used to think that long distance people were so strange and why did they not just tell me what the fuss was about. It did not occur to me then that perhaps it was hard to explain it to someone, especially in that first phase of dizzy love.

        SO and I did not meet unline, but I say we fell in love online, because we only had a couple of days together before I had to fly home, and our communication online the first 2 months was pretty insense. And we stil keep in touch a lot online, and even more so now that we have fewer visits again. I tell people that; It is a bit strange, but when words are all you have they carry a bit more meaning and weight. And if you are ablt to call or Skype, their voice means so much, and it is so nice and intersting to see them. And you develop a certain kind of closeness, because you really have to focus when you are in contact with them. Sometimes, the contact online feels more "real" and "intimate" than anything we do when we se each other. I think also because the emotions can get so raw when you miss each other in person. And you know that the person is worth it because you long for them so so much. As for sex, there are options to flirt and engage online as well.

        Just wait it out.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by QueenReginaMills View Post
          So my SO was on his way out with his sisters and some friends of theirs the other night, and apparently one sister was asking him lots of questions about me, sounds like she's suspicious of me because we met online. Don't get me wrong, I know things can happen. We're all aware of the Catfish show. And I even knew someone who pulled that stunt in real life - when I was at university my ex was friends with this girl who started a relationship with a girl in Australia online, and the girl went into that relationship believing that Sal was a man called Xander. So to some extent I can understand where she is coming from, but sometimes it feels frustrating when my SO and I both know that it's not like that. My SO is the one person who made me feel like I could love again after the nightmare that was the aforementioned ex 14 years ago, and I really want this to work and I hope one day his family will accept me.

          I have offered that if the sister is worried, my SO can pass on my contact details so that she can talk to me and realise that for herself - so far that hasn't happened but he's said he may take me up on that. I was just wondering how anyone else has dealt with that?
          When I had my first visit, three weeks ago. The woman I was visiting, had talked to her grandmother about my possibly being at a family get-together the day I was to arrive. Originally, I was told that the grandmother didn't have a problem with it. Then the day before I flew out there, she told me her grandmother had changed her mind. When I got there, it was after the get together. But I am going out there in January 2017 for the woman's birthday. What bugs me, a bit is. The woman's sister met her boyfriend online. Yet The grandmother doesn't have a problem with him, why me.

          First Visit: September 2016
          Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
          Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

          John 3:16
          For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
          John 4:12
          I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

          Comment

            #6
            Hi all,

            Yes, it's true that we haven't yet met. It's also true that this is my first attempt at an online relationship although it's not his, and I've known other people who have been in such relationships. He's also referred to, but didn't want to talk about, having had people ask him for money online - one of these was a person he'd turned down not long before we got together and whose response to it was oddly to ask for money, and he said it had happened before that but didn't want to talk about it. His family do know though and I can understand where that might make them wary.

            But thanks for all your advice.

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