Time spent together after LD..

[OtantikTin]

Hi all

First of all, as some of you might have seen, my boyfriend came back home a week ago today. We've spent most of everyday together (except the short hours I was working) since he came back. Except last night, he decided to stay at his place and I was expecting him to come here.. He said jockingly while we were at the restaurant : I'll take off tommorow (as in, off of us) and I couldn't help but look plain sad and left as soon as we arrived from the restaurant. I cried all the way home and most of the night after coming back from my night shift.

Why would he need to "take off" after spending 4 whole months away from me? Thats just beyond my understanding... Plus when I was with him during the week I wasnt constantly begging for attention.. I let him do his things.. We're supposed to see each other tonight, but I'm afraid he will change his mind. I'm desperate and seeing things from the past resurface. I can't help but see this negatively.

[sasad]

Welp, he has been gone for 4 months, came back and has stayed with you a week, and now wants to got o his place for a night? And that's not ok?
Step back and breath. He NEEDS to take care of real life stuff. His apartment/house, bills, and everything else involved with moving.
Don't go negative. There is really no reason at all for you to go that route. Let him unpack, update, reacquaint and relax,

[OtantikTin]

Thanks for your answer. We're both still at our parents's. I spent most of the week at his fathers and he came here twice and we had dinners planned pretty much all week..

I just thought he would have been glad to come here and just watch a movie together and relax. I think staying at our parents is really getting old as we're both 23.. Unfortunately we can't move until he finds a steady job.

[sasad]

Ahhhh that makes more sense... I am sure his parents want time with him as well. That and staying with parents, offers no real privacy etc..

[OtantikTin]

He said he'd prefer if we saw eachother tommorow. I can't help but feel devastated and sad.

[sasad]

why??? Let him visit is parents etc.. He has been gone for 4 months... let him relax and don't take it personal.

[Redheart14]

I agree, it's hard to not get carried away but don't take it personal.

[sasad]

He was gone. He came back early and spent a week with you. In reality, we aren't together 24/7 and we all have lives. He is the one that's been gone, not you. Stop being so upset, clingy and devastated for no reason. Take the time to do stuff you neglected the past week. Or do something special for yourself.. go buy something sexy or fun.

[pizza_heart]

Let him have time for himself, you need to comprehend he is your boyfriend but you don't own him. Let him unwind before he feels suffocated and pulls away from you.

[OtantikTin]

I know that I feel this way because the last time he came back from LD 1 year ago, he did the exact same thing (demanding space) and I reacted the same way, by panicking. Thing is, last year we almost broke up because he was doubting the relationship, this time I know it's different... But I keep thinking he's demanding space for the same reasons. The first days after he came back has been so good... I'm afraid he's already bored.

[C.C.]

I know that I feel this way because the last time he came back from LD 1 year ago, he did the exact same thing (demanding space) and I reacted the same way, by panicking. Thing is, last year we almost broke up because he was doubting the relationship, this time I know it's different... But I keep thinking he's demanding space for the same reasons. The first days after he came back has been so good... I'm afraid he's already bored.

You have two choices, either to be constantly afraid and worried about that happening again, which will not affect the relationship positively. If it's bound to happen again you will be powerless and so will be your worrying. It won't help you prepare for things either.
Or you could try your best to overcome your fears and insecurities and try to take as healthy approach as possible in your relationship. It is different yes, but even things being really good leave the room for things going bad. It can happen anytime. I do know how painful it is to see things that bad repeated again and how the doubts can bring one and their self-confidence down, so it IS okay and even needed to not be 100% sure about a "happy ending". But letting it go overboard and influence your current mood, relationship, attitude and letting it come to surface like that, with panicking, is really really bad.

I know you can't be 100% calm and healthy about this overnight either, just try to understand how important it is to not do what you are doing for both of your sakes (if you agree of course) and try to take step forward to improving. Whatever happened in the past is in the past and if it "happens again" it won't be actually happening again but it'll mean there are some troubles in a relationship and that the relationship is unhealthy or something similar. (NOTE: relationship troubles doesn't equal you being boring or bad, so try to be a bit more confident about yourself). You don't have power over that either, let go and try to be the best and healthiest you possible while waiting to see how the future develops. Try to spoil and distract yourself a bit meanwhile. It'll help you pass the time instead of giving yourself the room for active worrying.

[Honour]

I used to be like you, I would PANIC if we spent too little time together. But as time has passed, now I can (more or less) trap my unhappiness and insecurities away and force myself to avoid thinking too much about them. Sure, it doesn't always work, but it's possible to deal with it easier by doing that. I realised what I was doing could, possibly, spell doom for our relationship, so I knew I had to work on myself, and so I did. You have GOT to stop worrying so much!!!! Because unless you relax about things, you will run the risk of ruining your relationship just because of your fears. You cannot live in fear without repercussions, so for your own health and sanity, stop overreacting so much and chill girl!

[BespectacledNerd]

Time spent apart is so needed for a healthy relationship! You can love and adore your partner all you want but you don't "need" to be with him every moment. You both are your own people. Go take some time for yourself! Go hike, talk to/hang out with friends, game, etc. Let him have "his time" and you go and have "you time". And then when you're back in each others' company, you'll feel refreshed and thankful for time spent with one another.

[Cerridwen27]

It's easy to take things personally when this is your most intimate relationship, but he
is back and Men definitely need time to unwind & regroup! He loves you and as you said,
he's at his parents house & they, I"m sure, would like some time alone with their son.

My boyfriend likes to spend every other day alone when we do have a week or so together,
and we are usually apart for a good 2 months. He lives in Europe, I"m in the States...do I
love that he feels he needs that much time alone, NO I don't, but I am learning to deal
with it and want him to feel free to be who he is! He's told me he would "normally" be
alone for 3 days with 1 with his partner, me, he gives every other day to..something that
isn't his "norm" but he's trying to meet my desires so I need to allow him the same.

When I was 23 there was NO WAY I could have handled that....but I've learned over the
years to truly love myself, honor myself, enjoy time on my own and even though it doesn't
always FEEL good when he does "His" thing, it's best if we try to keep the balance. Hang
in there...he sounds like he really loves you!

[Loveyoumore]

Don't take it personal he will be back he just needs to handle his personal business first.