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    #1

    Where has he gone?!

    My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. We took a break in August during his last visit here (resulting from commitment issues and not spending enough time together when we're physically together) that lasted for a month and a half. Since then, we've been trying to patch things up. It wasn't instant, but we were texting often everyday and he's FaceTimed me for long talks.

    Honestly, recuperating from the break was difficult for me. It had been hard to assess his commitment to me. I think we are both fatigued after the fight/break and need to restart things slowly if that's what we both truly want.

    Anyway, he told me he was coming to town and that he'd love to meet up. He supposedly left for his trip over the weekend. It's been three days and I have not heard from him. For the past month since reconnecting and making efforts to patch things up, this is the longest I have gone not hearing from him. We normally communicate every day.

    I may just be overthinking, but I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure he's busy with family wherever he is. But just worried that he hasn't reached out. Does he not plan to see me after all during his time here? If he said he wanted to see me and was inching closer to me, where is he now?
    Last edited by KaloKali70; November 15, 2016, 03:10 AM.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Are you together? You have no idea when and where he was going? That does not sound like a committed relationship and if it's not what you want and need, then why stay in it? We all have basic needs and wants. And there should be basic considerations as well. I don't see how anything is being met.
    You both need to talk and be on the same page. If it's not working for you, then please let go...for both of your sakes.

    ...it's also possible he may have had his phone lost or stolen....

    Comment

      #3
      Someone who really wants to see you WILL make an effort and make you one of their priorities. Unless he has a really good reason, this is unacceptable IMO.

      "True love isn't about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated."
      Married April 18th, 2015!!
      Distance Closed October 4th, 2015!!

      Comment

        #4
        I agree with Mims, unless he comes up with the most creative reason ever, this would be a deal breaker for me. This is bullshit, and you shouldn't be OK with it, if he intended to see you, he would have contacted you.
        Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

        Comment

          #5
          Welcome to LFAD!

          Does he have a history of being aloof or distant? If so, it's possible that he's learned that it's acceptable. He may feel (think) that the trip is primarily to visit family and/or business and that he will see you whenever his schedule provides. If this is unacceptable because you are not the priority, then you need to let him know when you talk to him.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by Mims27 View Post
            Someone who really wants to see you WILL make an effort and make you one of their priorities. Unless he has a really good reason, this is unacceptable IMO.
            Ditto!!!

            First Visit: September 2016
            Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
            Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

            John 3:16
            For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
            John 4:12
            I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

            Comment

              #7
              Thanks, guys!

              Could it be too that he's doesn't want to jump into 'going back to normal' when we had this fight that tested us?
              He never gave an excuse for going silent in those days, which still has me perplexed. I know he took a stopover in London to see family, but is the lengthy time of silence excusable? Maybe he's thinking that since we're not officially back, he has no obligation to be in contact daily (even though he had been everyday for the 3 weeks prior).

              He finally reached out after I made the post. It was a brief meeting. He had been suffering from jet lag since arriving Monday. So, I let him rest. He seemed excited to see me and was his old self around me.

              The next day (yesterday), he went silent again. I assumed he had meetings and training all day. He described a bit of a busy schedule.

              Still, I was fed up. He came close to losing me in that fight this summer. He has a chance now to fully make things better, but he's not.

              I am more angry than anything right now. Late last night, I sent him an indirect ultimatum stating we shouldn't be talking if we're not in a relationship. To me, it's all or nothing. I don't believe in staying friends. It's not like I want marriage (and he knows that). I just want to be in a solid, committed relationship with him. What I don't understand is why is he stalling? I know the distance is an issue (he's got 1.5 years left on his assignment abroad, then he'll return). It's been 2.5 years together and despite our challenges, we always find ourselves back with each other.

              I am thinking I really have to cut the cord. I can't be like this where he treats me as an option and he's not afraid to lose me.

              I know what they say about ultimatums--they rarely work, but I just want clarity. I want to stop with the mixed signals and if he's not in it all the way, we need to stop.

              I saw he read my message this morning. He responded asking if that's how I really felt?
              Last edited by KaloKali70; November 17, 2016, 03:14 PM.

              Comment

                #8
                Busy or not, if the person really cares they will make an effort. It takes 2 minutes to send a text message. No one is THAT busy that they can't do that...

                "True love isn't about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated."
                Married April 18th, 2015!!
                Distance Closed October 4th, 2015!!

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Mims27 View Post
                  Busy or not, if the person really cares they will make an effort. It takes 2 minutes to send a text message. No one is THAT busy that they can't do that...
                  Yes this, no-one is too busy to send a text message no matter what the situation is. Yes, problems with signals, phones etc exist but business is never an excuse. I was literally unconscious for a general anaesthetic this week and yet still managed to send my SO a message before and after!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by KaloKali70 View Post

                    He finally reached out after I made the post. It was a brief meeting. He had been suffering from jet lag since arriving Monday. So, I let him rest. He seemed excited to see me and was his old self around me.

                    The next day (yesterday), he went silent again.
                    So ya'll had sex and then he went silent?

                    I believe his actions are telling you something that you don't want to accept.

                    Comment

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