Past Partners

[saerm14]

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, LDR for almost six months now.

Before the distance, we shared with each other how many past boyfriends/girlfriends/sexual partners we've had. I have had sex with a lot less people than he has and that's something I know I have to accept, although it still puts me off just a little bit.

The few girls I've seen in pictures that he's had "relations" with make my skin crawl. Every now and again it gets to me. And I feel like this type of thing isn't even exclusive to long distance relationships.

Anyway, I can't help but notice that the girls he used to be into were very small and petite. I am not that lol. I'm not fat by any means, but I am tall and thick and...well endowed in certain womanly areas I guess you could say haha.

Him and I definitely connect on a much deeper level than either of us has ever experienced, and both of us haven't ever had another partner in which we've been in a relationship with or even slept with more (if that matters) but sometimes I can't help but think, "I wonder if he ever wishes I looked like the girls he's been with in the past?"

I hate myself for thinking that way because I'll never be able to be petite. I'm a tall girl and it's in my genes to have a big butt and big boobs. So it's useless for me to stress over it.

Mind you, the majority of the women he's slept with were while he was in high school which was a long time ago, but still. I guess what I'm asking is, how have you gotten over superficial insecurities like this?

And for the love of god, please refrain from commenting on how I'm "insecure" or have "trust issues" or things of that nature. That's not what I'm asking for. Everyone gets insecure sometimes. Just looking for honest advice on how others have dealt with similar situations.

[Fast Forward]

Well... I understand where you are coming from. My ex used to make me extremely insecure - not only were some of his exes model-like, he also liked looking at half naked goddesses while I was sitting next to him and he got less and less interested in me. HOWEVER that was a very unhealthy relationship, not because of his exes but because of how he treated me.

No my boyfriend also had more relationships than me and I think some of his exes have way hotter bodies than I do. I am slender and not that womanly built. But my boyfriend makes me feel like the only woman on earth. He looks me deep in the eyes and goes on about how beautiful I am when I feel least attractive, like just after waking up for instance. Attraction is so much more than a body type. My boyfriend initially was not the type of man I'd be attracted too - he is slightly smaller than me and very skinny. I like more muscular men with nice strong chests and arms. So at first I only liked him for his personality. But that has changed. Not only do I love his personality more the longer we are together, I now find it very hard to keep my hands off him. Whenever we are together, I constantly want to touch him, at least by holding hands.

What I am trying to say is - exes don't matter when it comes to this. My ex was really well built but a complete douchebag. My boyfriend is not Mr Sexy but I simply adore him. I am 100% attracted to him and he is 100% attracted to me. It doesn't matter what our exes look like, we only care about each other. So if your relationship is healthy, not being attractive enough is nothing you have to worry about

[Mr Gravy]

I'm a guy and I can agree with everything Fast Forward already told you. I also became more and more attracted to my girlfriend the better I got to know her. In fact, when we first met each other we were friends for a while until we developed feelings and attraction, in that order.

[saerm14]

Thank you both for your input! It honestly made me feel a million times better You guys are awesome!

[saerm14]

I also don't want anyone to read my original post and assume my boyfriend is an Adonis and I'm some kind of troll lol. IMO we're both good looking people, neither of us are considered "overweight," I'm just a little bit curvier than his past partners, only because a lot of them looked like skeletons (maybe because most of them were while he was in high school and most of us were small and boney back then)

[Mr Gravy]

Now let's not equal 'overweight' with 'unattractive' though.
There's more than one beauty ideal and I like to say that there's a fetish for everything.

[snow]

Taste changes and it really shouldn't matter as long as your partner makes you feel loved and wanted.
Before my husband was dating me, he loved women with small breasts, but I'm a D-cup and he loves it.

[Chris516]

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, LDR for almost six months now.

Before the distance, we shared with each other how many past boyfriends/girlfriends/sexual partners we've had. I have had sex with a lot less people than he has and that's something I know I have to accept, although it still puts me off just a little bit.

The few girls I've seen in pictures that he's had "relations" with make my skin crawl. Every now and again it gets to me. And I feel like this type of thing isn't even exclusive to long distance relationships.

Anyway, I can't help but notice that the girls he used to be into were very small and petite. I am not that lol. I'm not fat by any means, but I am tall and thick and...well endowed in certain womanly areas I guess you could say haha.

Him and I definitely connect on a much deeper level than either of us has ever experienced, and both of us haven't ever had another partner in which we've been in a relationship with or even slept with more (if that matters) but sometimes I can't help but think, "I wonder if he ever wishes I looked like the girls he's been with in the past?"

I hate myself for thinking that way because I'll never be able to be petite. I'm a tall girl and it's in my genes to have a big butt and big boobs. So it's useless for me to stress over it.

Mind you, the majority of the women he's slept with were while he was in high school which was a long time ago, but still. I guess what I'm asking is, how have you gotten over superficial insecurities like this?

And for the love of god, please refrain from commenting on how I'm "insecure" or have "trust issues" or things of that nature. That's not what I'm asking for. Everyone gets insecure sometimes. Just looking for honest advice on how others have dealt with similar situations.

Who cares how many girls/women your s/o has had sex with. That doesn't mean he is better than you. It is not a competition. If his exes look like 'runway models', that doesn't mean you have to look like one. Just be, you.

[saerm14]

You guys. I'm not overweight or fat or anything of the sort. I'm just a taller than average woman (I'm 5'7", still not taller than him), around 140-150 pounds, which is well within my "ideal weight range" for my height, according to the internet. I'm a pretty average woman with a decent sized ass and D cups. I'm curvy. I'm 24 and he is 26. When he was 16-18 years old he was with tiny, little, petite women. I should say girls. I've only ever seen pics of them at that age so who even knows what they look like currently.

After typing all of that I just talked myself out of ever even worrying about my original post. Obv the girls he was with back in the day were younger and littler BECAUSE they were younger and littler...just like I was. Just like all of us were.

So I guess I should thank you all for helping me realize that in a roundabout way lol

[Chris516]

You guys. I'm not overweight or fat or anything of the sort. I'm just a taller than average woman (I'm 5'7", still not taller than him), around 140-150 pounds, which is well within my "ideal weight range" for my height, according to the internet. I'm a pretty average woman with a decent sized ass and D cups. I'm curvy. I'm 24 and he is 26. When he was 16-18 years old he was with tiny, little, petite women. I should say girls. I've only ever seen pics of them at that age so who even knows what they look like currently.

After typing all of that I just talked myself out of ever even worrying about my original post. Obv the girls he was with back in the day were younger and littler BECAUSE they were younger and littler...just like I was. Just like all of us were.

So I guess I should thank you all for helping me realize that in a roundabout way lol

I wasn't trying to imply you are 'large'. But that, if his exes look like runway models. You don't have to look like them. Just going by the info you provided here. You seem like you are in better shape than any of his exes.

[sasad]

You guys. I'm not overweight or fat or anything of the sort. I'm just a taller than average woman (I'm 5'7", still not taller than him), around 140-150 pounds, which is well within my "ideal weight range" for my height, according to the internet. I'm a pretty average woman with a decent sized ass and D cups. I'm curvy. I'm 24 and he is 26. When he was 16-18 years old he was with tiny, little, petite women. I should say girls. I've only ever seen pics of them at that age so who even knows what they look like currently.

After typing all of that I just talked myself out of ever even worrying about my original post. Obv the girls he was with back in the day were younger and littler BECAUSE they were younger and littler...just like I was. Just like all of us were.

So I guess I should thank you all for helping me realize that in a roundabout way lol

You are just above average,,,I get you totally. I am 5'7 and 145. D cups, and an ass. I swim everyday. I am no way overweight... I have a woman's body and not a girls body... I was 127 when I was married a and got pregnant the first time. I have a hard time with myself now. I sometimes wondered why he is with the me body when he loved my old body. It's cuz he loves me. Inside.

[Katy_G]

I guess in these situations, I deal by taking two things into consideration:

1. That sometimes there will come a person who is not one's 'physical type' but is just right in every other way.
2. How your SO regards you now is more important than how he regarded other people in the past.

My partner had been with pretty, petite girls in the years before we got together. And I know I'm not the best looking in our circle of friends. But I take it in stride by remembering that we actually did manage to fall in love even without much face to face time (at that point), and that he loves me for more than my looks.

[xxcazaxx]

The important thing to remember is that he loves you for being you.

[Littlewhiteflower]

In my case, my partner is best friend with his ex (I'm conscious it's not usual but they are better friends than partners). I know what she looks like but I have no idea what his other exes look like. My partner has also more sexual experience than I do. His best friend is kind of similar to me physically, maybe a bit taller and a bit bigger. I find her beautiful and I used to compare me to her at first but I stopped because it was really unhealthy for me. I started to realise that it was over between them for a reason and that he was with me now. So, he was probably attracted to me for some reasons. He tells me often I'm beautiful/sexy/cute because he knows I'm insecure and it helps a lot. Honestly, it really does help to hear it from the mouth of your partner. Just try to believe him when he says how beautiful you are and maybe you'll learn to stop comparing you. You're perfect the way you are for him. If he tried to change you or make you look like his exes, maybe you could worry. But try to not think about the past either. What is in the past is in the past for a reason.

[Fast Forward]

I also don't want anyone to read my original post and assume my boyfriend is an Adonis and I'm some kind of troll lol. IMO we're both good looking people

Oh I never meant to make it sound like either me or my boyfriend are not good looking I think he is the cutest most handsome guy ever and ironically he is the first boyfriend who actually fits into my physical ideal I had when I was a teenager (skinny, dark hair and brown eyes). We are both skinny - something other people would be turned off by. But we think of each other as the most attractive people.