My Girlfriend is getting bullied at school

[Skydog07]

As you can probably guess, im in a LDR. Me and my girlfriend's relationship is still fairly new, and I love her a lot.
Anyways, we are both in highschool, and different States. She just yesterday told me how she gets bullied by a group of boys at her school. I made her promise to tell a guidance counselor at school, they told her to deal with it. Then, she told her mom and sister, they again, said the same thing, which made me astonished. I feel like garbage not physically being capable of intervening and beating these wastes of lives up myself.
But I need help, please, what should I do?

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD.

I'm sorry to hear that she is experiencing bullying. I dealt with that myself when I was in school, so I can understand what she is dealing with. There are a lot more resources out there today then there were back when it was happening to me. Please provide her with this website as it will provide her with information she can use:

https://www.stopbullying.gov/get-help-now/

As for you, just be there to listen to her. Sometimes, that means more than anything that someone listens even if there isn't anything they can directly do. Let her know you care and you are there for her as a moral support system.

[Chris516]

As you can probably guess, im in a LDR. Me and my girlfriend's relationship is still fairly new, and I love her a lot.
Anyways, we are both in highschool, and different States. She just yesterday told me how she gets bullied by a group of boys at her school. I made her promise to tell a guidance counselor at school, they told her to deal with it. Then, she told her mom and sister, they again, said the same thing, which made me astonished. I feel like garbage not physically being capable of intervening and beating these wastes of lives up myself.
But I need help, please, what should I do?

Welcome to LFAD

I was bullied all through school. I remember being told to 'deal with it', 'suck it up', 'get over it'.

The dumbest thing about ignorant schools' and family members. Is when things like this happen: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_o..._United_States

and

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_o...ed_to_bullying

While I never killed the kids bullying me, or committed suicide(obviously). I did go after them. Not with a gun(thankfully). But I did beat quite a few of them up.

Other than you, is she able to talk to anyone besides the school and her family?

[Honour]

While I never killed the kids bullying me, or committed suicide(obviously). I did go after them. Not with a gun(thankfully). But I did beat quite a few of them up.

I had to re-read the first part of this because I didn't quite believe what I was reading. Completely insensitive, and I don't think this is relevant or helpful to the OP, Chris.

Whilst you can't physically be there, OP, the best thing you can do is to try and encourage her, despite what's been happening, to seek help from those with the power to bring about a change for the better. Teachers, older pupils who might be involved in anti-bullying campaigns within the school, even her parents. If she keeps on at them it's likely they'll realise this is more than a once-in-a-while thing: I was bullied throughout my childhood and through most of highschool, and it was only through constantly seeking help from my parents and others that things eventually came to a head. You can only be emotionally supportive, but sometime's that's better than what most people realise.

[Fast Forward]

I am appalled that still today, school boards actually manage to turn a blind eye on bullying. I don't know what the law is in her State, but I know there are countries where bullying and avoiding taking action about it are against the law.

I was bullied in secondary school with not a soul to talk to as well. I never changed schools or class, I "sucked it up" and I am still in the process of getting over the damage that has been inflicted to me unjustly during my formative years. Has she considered counseling? There should be free options for teenagers somwhere in her proximity. It is important to get help to counteract the bad consequences of bullying. She basically needs to put in extra effort to remind herself that she is loved and lovable. That it is not her but the society she is in that is effed up. The bully is the problem, not her.

What you can do as her boyfriend is like the others said; listen to her. Even if she gets really down and it is affecting you - have an open ear and open arms. Maybe she needs to hear a bit more often that you love her and what you like about her. And if she lets her frustration out on you, remember it is not personal. Bullying puts people under extreme stress, they might lash out on their loved ones simply because they need an outlet for the pain they are feeling. Encourage her to get counseling. She can learn to not be a victim, which does not mean "beating up the bullies" but standing up to herself and staying true to her values. I wish you guys lots of courage!

[Chris516]

I had to re-read the first part of this because I didn't quite believe what I was reading. Completely insensitive, and I don't think this is relevant or helpful to the OP, Chris.

Whilst you can't physically be there, OP, the best thing you can do is to try and encourage her, despite what's been happening, to seek help from those with the power to bring about a change for the better. Teachers, older pupils who might be involved in anti-bullying campaigns within the school, even her parents. If she keeps on at them it's likely they'll realise this is more than a once-in-a-while thing: I was bullied throughout my childhood and through most of highschool, and it was only through constantly seeking help from my parents and others that things eventually came to a head. You can only be emotionally supportive, but sometime's that's better than what most people realise.

I was illuding to the serious nature of being bullied in school. I experienced it all through school. I was targeted every single year. If you were never bullied in school. You have no justification in criticizing me. I was accused of being uncontrollably. Because I ran away from school several times. I was even kicked out of two schools because of 'responding' to the 'treatment' from bullies. My parents' didn't even believe me. So I was left to my own resources.

[Chris516]

I am appalled that still today, school boards actually manage to turn a blind eye on bullying. I don't know what the law is in her State, but I know there are countries where bullying and avoiding taking action about it are against the law.

I was bullied in secondary school with not a soul to talk to as well. I never changed schools or class, I "sucked it up" and I am still in the process of getting over the damage that has been inflicted to me unjustly during my formative years. Has she considered counseling? There should be free options for teenagers somewhere in her proximity. It is important to get help to counteract the bad consequences of bullying. She basically needs to put in extra effort to remind herself that she is loved and lovable. That it is not her but the society she is in that is effed up. The bully is the problem, not her.

I 'sucked it up' only so long. Before I started fighting back. Because the schools' I went to would do nothing about it.

A couple years ago, my cousin had a nervous breakdown. As a child she was expected to be perfect. It was her nervous breakdown that triggered my experience from school to come flooding back.

Like you, I am still getting over the emotional damage.*tears*

[sasad]

I was illuding to the serious nature of being bullied in school. I experienced it all through school. I was targeted every single year. If you were never bullied in school. You have no justification in criticizing me. I was accused of being uncontrollably. Because I ran away from school several times. I was even kicked out of two schools because of 'responding' to the 'treatment' from bullies. My parents' didn't even believe me. So I was left to my own resources.

Two wrongs don't make it right. In Virginia there is a zero tolerance for bullying. I live it everyday.
Unfortunately rebelling, getting kicked out etc just makes matters worse.
If your own parents didn't believe you, then there are other underlying issues.

[Chris516]

Two wrongs don't make it right. In Virginia there is a zero tolerance for bullying. I live it everyday.
Unfortunately rebelling, getting kicked out etc just makes matters worse.
If your own parents didn't believe you, then there are other underlying issues.

Thanks a whole lot for marginalizing what I went through. They thought it was all my fault every time. During all the years I was in school.

[Honour]

I was illuding to the serious nature of being bullied in school. I experienced it all through school. I was targeted every single year. If you were never bullied in school. You have no justification in criticizing me. I was accused of being uncontrollably. Because I ran away from school several times. I was even kicked out of two schools because of 'responding' to the 'treatment' from bullies. My parents' didn't even believe me. So I was left to my own resources.

I know how serious bullying is, because I endured it, as I said, through the entirety of my childhood and through highschool. So please don't suggest I am criticising you when I am not.

I think Fast Forward nailed it on the head, however. Standing up for yourself without falling to the bullies' level is the best way to beat them.

[Fast Forward]

The bravest thing I did during that time was holding a speech about bullying in a class where it was particularly bad. I was trembling and my mouth felt like a desert but it did help - the bullying did not completely stop but some kids did end it because they realized what they were doing. Some even approached me after it and we became friends. But that was when I was 14 and the older you get the more the bullies know what they are doing.
I experienced it in work too - I ended up leaving the job. I have to say though in the long run that was the best thing that could have happened as it launched me on a much better "carrier". So one part of working issues through can be to reframe them - as a crisis that helped personal growth. Yes there is damage - I isolate myself each time I am in a new group because I am too awkward to approach a group of people (individuals is another thing) and I have low self-esteem. But I think I am more sensitive than others thanks to these experiences and I am strong because I survived and ended up making amazing friends for life.

[sasad]

Good for you!!! You stood up and stopped a lot of that. That is an incredible brave and amazing thing you did and continue to do..

[Chris516]

The bravest thing I did during that time was holding a speech about bullying in a class where it was particularly bad. I was trembling and my mouth felt like a desert but it did help - the bullying did not completely stop but some kids did end it because they realized what they were doing. Some even approached me after it and we became friends. But that was when I was 14 and the older you get the more the bullies know what they are doing.
I experienced it in work too - I ended up leaving the job. I have to say though in the long run that was the best thing that could have happened as it launched me on a much better "carrier". So one part of working issues through can be to reframe them - as a crisis that helped personal growth. Yes there is damage - I isolate myself each time I am in a new group because I am too awkward to approach a group of people (individuals is another thing) and I have low self-esteem. But I think I am more sensitive than others thanks to these experiences and I am strong because I survived and ended up making amazing friends for life.

Kudos' to you!!

[80anthea]

I've been on both sides of this, I was bullied at school (well teased mainly because of my height, it was name calling never physical) and now work in education where students report bullying to me. Bullying is a whole range of situations and what someone might perceive as light-hearted fun can really cause damage to self-esteem in someone else. Sometimes people on the outside don't seem to take the time to actually listen to how the victim feels and they try to put themselves in that situation and say how they'd deal with it but the reality is we're all different and things affect us in different ways. The best thing you can do OP is take time to listen actively to your SO in a non-judgemental way.