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**Chris516** · November 16, 2016, 02:41 AM

Originally posted by mucimse View Post

PLEASE READ, I KNOW IT.S LONG AND I.M SRY ABOUT IT

Hello ppl, i.m new to this forum. I was surfing online to find answers to my problem and saw this great forum. I.m hoping to get some help and advice from you guys.
We met on some online app and started talking. It was wonderful in the begining. We laughed. We talked for hours, exchanged videos and pics. We were involved in everyday things. My friends and family were laughing bc they didn.t understood how much i like him. I.ve never met anyone so fun, patient and supportive and i.ve met a lot of ppl. So i fell in love. We shared very deep secrets and emotions. But...ofc there had to be a "but"...We live in different countries and atm we don.t have funds to visit eachother. We planed to meet in person before end of the year but most likely that won.t happen.
He has some family problems and is becoming more and more distant. He says he cares but i honestly don.t get anything from him. I.m the one who initiates calls, chat, i ask if he wants to watch a movie together. He is just never in the mood for anything. I trust him but this is hurting me so bad. I cry, i feel sad, lonely, like i.m in one sided relationship. We don.t have fun times anymore. It is messing with my health. I think of him non stop. Even when i do things. I want to share something fun i did. I check my phone all the time to see if there is an answer. Before he would reply instantly. Now it takes him between 5 and 12 hours. I feel so alone in this relationship. Yet i hold to it because it was sooooo good at first and bc he is saying he cares. But i dunno how he cares when i asked did u miss me (i turned of my phone to gather my thoughts for one day) he said u crossed my mind once. "You just don.t understand how man deal with problems, i don.t think of you or anybody, i care, but i can not pretend that i have some more feelings, i.m not a deep talker. If u crossed my mind once and if i picked up the phone to answer u can see that i care."
Well his version of caring is killing me, i live in anticipation and dreams of how it was and how it could be. I don.t want to break up but i can not continue being this miserable every day for more than month. Help me. I would act differently if this is not a LDR. I have zero experience with this.

You said it yourself, that he is having family problems.

I am the one that mostly initiates calls with my s/o. But, I don't care about that. Why, Because if I don't call for a reason(that has nothing to do with her), and it is several days. She will call asking why I hadn't called her. She won't be angry. She will be worried. Because she knows how worried I get when I can't get a hold of her. That is in terms of communicating.

There has to be a middle ground of how you n' he communicate. He needs to communicate more. But you need to try to communicate less.

When my s/o n' I talk on the phone. Sometimes we will have 30-45mins. of nothing to say to each other. That is perfectly fine to us.

**xxcazaxx** · November 16, 2016, 05:16 AM

Think that the best thing that you could do is to let him know how you feel - then you will know where you stand.

**Elisabeth** · November 16, 2016, 05:37 AM

Share your concerns with him. Sure, he is probably dealing with a lot and communication may not be what it used to be, but you're also extremely unhappy with the relationship as it stands. It takes compromise. Perhaps you can be willing to cut back some on communication if it isn't his thing, but he can also let you know how things are going with him a little more often. It's key that you're able to communicate your thoughts and concerns with your SO especially in a LDR.

Also, I would encourage you to focus on your life as well. He lives in a different country. Spend more time having fun with your own friends or doing things you find enjoyable. It'll help fill the time when you aren't talking to him and may help you feel less miserable.

**R&R** · November 16, 2016, 08:11 AM

Originally posted by mucimse View Post

PLEASE READ, I KNOW IT.S LONG AND I.M SRY ABOUT IT

Hello ppl, i.m new to this forum. I was surfing online to find answers to my problem and saw this great forum. I.m hoping to get some help and advice from you guys.
We met on some online app and started talking. It was wonderful in the begining. We laughed. We talked for hours, exchanged videos and pics. We were involved in everyday things. My friends and family were laughing bc they didn.t understood how much i like him. I.ve never met anyone so fun, patient and supportive and i.ve met a lot of ppl. So i fell in love. We shared very deep secrets and emotions. But...ofc there had to be a "but"...We live in different countries and atm we don.t have funds to visit eachother. We planed to meet in person before end of the year but most likely that won.t happen.
He has some family problems and is becoming more and more distant. He says he cares but i honestly don.t get anything from him. I.m the one who initates calls, chat, i ask if he wants to watch a movie together. He is just never in the mood for anything. I trust him but this is hurting me so bad. I cry, i feel sad, lonely, like i.m in one sided relationship. We don.t have fun times anymore. It is messing with my health. I think of him non stop. Even when i do things. I want to share something fun i did. I check my phone all the time to see if there is an answer. Before he would reply instantly. Now it takes him between 5 and 12 hours. I feel so alone in this relationship. Yet i hold to it because it was sooooo good at first and bc he is saying he cares. But i dunno how he cares when i asked did u miss me (i turned of my phone to gather my thoughts for one day) he said u crossed my mind once. "You just don.t understand how man deal with problems, i don.t think of you or anybody, i care, but i can not pretend that i have some more feelings, i.m not a deep talker. If u crossed my mind once and if i picked up the phone to answer u can see that i care."
Well his version of caring is killing me, i live in anticipation and dreams of how it was and how it could be. I don.t want to break up but i can not continue being this miserable every day for more than month. Help me. I would act differently if this is not a LDR. I have zero experience with this.

He has explained the situation as well as told you how he deals with things. As he said, it's not just you but that this is currently how he is with everybody. What is going on for him isn't about you - it's about him, his life and how he is dealing with it. Every person handles tough circumstances in a different manner.

You have to decide if you want to be with a person that withdraws instead of reaches out. Some people are okay with that and others aren't able to make that work. If this is someone you want to possibly spend many years with, you need to realize this is how it is going to be when something tough happens.

While he is in the midst of this probably isn't the best time to add more to his plate. If you stick it out and he gets back to the mindframe he was in when you first met, that would probably be a better time to discuss how you can work together when he is dealing with tough situations.

The only thing you really have control over in this situation is how you choose to react to it. You can allow it to make you miserable and just wallow in it. You can choose to take this extra time to do things that you want to do. You can let him know that you are there for him but that you are going to allow him the time to work through this. You had a life before this relationship - get back to that life. And, if you find that you can't handle how things are working out anymore, that you have every right to break it off and move forward with your life.

**Littlewhiteflower** · November 16, 2016, 10:18 AM

I can't add I lot more of what the others told you.

Some people have their own way to deal with their problems. I know that, in my case, my partner lives often a lot of stress because of his job. In these moments, he usually needs more time for himself and he doesn't talk to me. He is frustrated, grumpy and only sends me a text message or two. He often tell me he needs to be alone and he is really cold. I understand that I need to give him space when this happens. He always come back when he feels better and he appreciates the efforts I make to let him deal with his stuff alone.

You need to communicate your needs with your boyfriend but you also need to understand that it might be really difficult for him to deal with everything right now. If you're adding negativity in his life because you stress about why he didn't answer or took 5 hours to answer, it can be normal he becomes distant. Believe me, the more needy you become, the more he will take his distance. Well, in my case, it's the way it is.

My boyfriend at first answered to his phone at the minute he received my text message. Now, he answers every 2-3 hours, sometimes it takes a whole day before having an answer. I learned to accept that because I'm conscious we cannot communicate all the time either.

You should tell him you'd need to do things differently, that you'd like him to call or Skype or whatever. The key is to communicate. you can tell him it could help if he opened up with you. My boyfriend is really the silent type but when he has a problem, he feels comfortable enough to talk to me and I try to cheer him up. Be positive, smile and try to bring a bit of joy in his life when you're with him too. You'll see. It could change everything.
I changed my attitude with my boyfriend. I used to be always frustrates because of his lack of communication. Now I accept it and everything became much more simpler between us.

I think that even though he doesn't communicate all the time with you, you're in the back of his mind. Boys are different than girls in many ways. If he didn't care for you, he'd go days without giving you news.

Perhaps you could just give him a little bit of space too. That could be good for both of you. let him know you're there but let him deal with his stuff for a little while. If he loves you, he'll be really glad to breath a little more and he will maybe appreciate you more for the efforts that you're doing.

I give you my own opinion but these are just advices. I really hope it can help you. In the end, if you're not happy anymore, if it brings more negativity, you can let him go. But all couples have bad moments and you both can find solutions if you decide to work together. Keep that in mind.

**mucimse** · November 16, 2016, 07:44 PM

Oh God i got so many great answers, thank you for that! <3 Unfortunately i feel in my guts that i shouldn.t be so considerate to him if he is not to me. I feel more unhappy than happy. I have not even seen him yet bc he says he is looking for job for a year and can not find it and that is why he can not visit me. I said i can give my all savings to visit him just to meet but i don.t feel it is a good time for that. When we met i said i have insecurities about being left in anticipation too long and i can not deal with it. He gives me the feeling he is not into this much. R&R replyed that i should see if i can be with someone who acts like this when he has a problem. I kinda don.t to be honest. I.m quite the oposite and ppl in my country are more open to emotions so that is how i grew up. I was thinking about this for long time and decided to force my self to stop feeling anything. I told him at the start i give 150% or 0%. I give a lot of attention, love, caring, small surprises..bc i love to dedicate to someone i like. I fell in love. He is pushing me away with this. We talked and he said he can not give more than this and that he cares but he is not in love. I don.t want to chase anyone or beg for love. So i will shot down the feelings. Should i tell him that he is pushing me away? Right now i saw two very short msgs from him while i was sleeping. For the first time i didn.t feel happiness to see them and didn.t feel the need to reply. I don.t even know what to say..but hi to you too. -.- i got tired of this.

**NewToLongDistance2016** · November 16, 2016, 08:12 PM

Originally posted by mucimse View Post

Oh God i got so many great answers, thank you for that! <3 Unfortunately i feel in my guts that i shouldn.t be so considerate to him if he is not to me. I feel more unhappy than happy. I have not even seen him yet bc he says he is looking for job for a year and can not find it and that is why he can not visit me. I said i can give my all savings to visit him just to meet but i don.t feel it is a good time for that. When we met i said i have insecurities about being left in anticipation too long and i can not deal with it. He gives me the feeling he is not into this much. R&R replyed that i should see if i can be with someone who acts like this when he has a problem. I kinda don.t to be honest. I.m quite the oposite and ppl in my country are more open to emotions so that is how i grew up. I was thinking about this for long time and decided to force my self to stop feeling anything. I told him at the start i give 150% or 0%. I give a lot of attention, love, caring, small surprises..bc i love to dedicate to someone i like. I fell in love. He is pushing me away with this. We talked and he said he can not give more than this and that he cares but he is not in love. I don.t want to chase anyone or beg for love. So i will shot down the feelings. Should i tell him that he is pushing me away? Right now i saw two very short msgs from him while i was sleeping. For the first time i didn.t feel happiness to see them and didn.t feel the need to reply. I don.t even know what to say..but hi to you too. -.- i got tired of this.

Trust your gut. I may be the minority here, but I say let him go. A guy did something very similar to me and I ended up being very hurt. Someone who really cares about you is not going to treat you like this. The guy I started dating started being super distant after he left (we dated a month before he moved). I asked him if everything was ok and he kept claiming everything was fine, well I felt like something was off, I was correct. I got so sick of being ignored, that I pressured the truth out of him. Turns out he didn't want a relationship (gave me BS excuses) and he friend zoned me. After a couple days no contact, I deleted his # and off social media. He messaged me 3 months later, hoping to get another chance, in that time I found someone else, besides I wouldn't risk hurt again. Be careful because he could set you up for heartbreak, he doesn't see to want a relationship w/you.

**isabelj96** · November 17, 2016, 06:12 PM

Yes he has problems but we all have them! He doesn�t have the right to treat you like that, it�s not fair to you. Speaking from experience I know it�s hard to stop staring at the phone waiting for an answer. Tell him everything you feel and let him know how he �s making you feel. It�s not healthy if you�re sad all the time and alone. If you feel miserable, before breaking up or anything, talk to him and talk to him. At least then you ll know you did everything you could and you gave everything you had in the relationship.

**mucimse** · November 18, 2016, 07:29 AM

I told him a couple of times and every time he says "I know, i can see what i.m doing i.ll try to change it". But only thing that is different is he writing even less. Is he trying to break up by letting me say those words instead of him? He says "by no means i want you to be unhappy and i wouldn.t like to hurt you" but he is doing it. I have never ever been in this kind of situation.

**hmrambling** · November 18, 2016, 10:13 AM

Originally posted by mucimse View Post

"You just don.t understand how man deal with problems, i don.t think of you or anybody, i care, but i can not pretend that i have some more feelings, i.m not a deep talker. If u crossed my mind once and if i picked up the phone to answer u can see that i care."

I'm not sure why you use periods instead of apostrophes. This is consistent in your entire post.

I wouldn't take kindly to a partner telling me what I don't understand. It's condescending. He is, in effect, telling you that if he doesn't answer the phone (or call you) that he doesn't care. His way of telling you that he cares is answering the phone.

I'm sorry, but I need more than that from a partner. A person who calls and genuinely listens cares. A person who answers the phone and emphasizes cares. But hell, I can get that from my friends and my sister. I wouldn't need him for that.

You be the judge as to what is acceptable for you. I cannot judge what is acceptable for you and how you want to be treated.

**isabelj96** · November 18, 2016, 10:38 AM

It sounds to me like he wants to break up but he doesn�t have the guts to do it or he just likes having you there all the time, even if he doesn�t want to work for the relationship to function. It�s all up to you but in my opinion I think you deserve better

**mucimse** · November 18, 2016, 10:52 AM

He just broke up with me

he said he didn't have the courage to do it earlier and bc he thought he will fix it. I was crushed and looked devastated by crying and almost asking him not to leave me. I just hate myself for trusting him and for being this emotional. I'm so weak when i fall in love. It is over

**mucimse** · November 18, 2016, 10:56 AM

It hurts so bad

I'm broken hearted by i person i have never seen

**sasad** · November 18, 2016, 11:06 AM

Originally posted by mucimse View Post

It hurts so bad

I'm broken hearted by i person i have never seen

You have never met in RL? I am not downplaying at all.. just curious.

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