He has yet to buy tickets, prices climbing?

[NewToLongDistance2016]

My SO is coming here for the 1st time, he talks about how excited he is to see me and he has never been to my city. I have mentioned tickets awhile ago and casually mention plans for his trip. I want him to purchase tickets of his own will, but I am very concerned that he will wait so long that tickets will be 4x as expensive, especially considering its the end of the year (yes I have seen tickets go up not even for holidays). I actually dread him telling me he can't make it down cause tickets are outrageous. This might be bad, but I will def be questioning his commitment to me if he doesn't make it down due to terrible planning. I pretty much had tickets booked a month or more in advance when I went to visit him. Anyone's partner wait until the very last minute to buy tickets? I mean if he is so excited and looking forward, why has he not even looked at ticket prices? To me if he misses out coming down to see du to poor planning, that doesn't show that he misses me and wants to see me as much as he says he does. He did mention that he buys tickets a month in advance though a lot of his plans are really last minute. I procrastinate, but I know plane tickets is not something you can drag your feet on. He knows he will be available those days, so having the time off is not an issue. Should mention it again? I don't want to do all the work for him or anything.

[Littlewhiteflower]

My boyfriend is coming to visit me in 28 days and it took him a long time before buying his ticket (I had the same fear as you). He wanted to wait last minutes but I told him the prices were increasing. So, he finally bought them maybe one week ago. It's better to do it in advance because of the price, that is for sure.
He hasn't booked his return ticket yet and it is annoying me (not because I don't want him to stay but because I know he can't stay longer than 12 days and he will have to pay much more if he doesn't buy it now). Keep telling him. I used to remember it to my boyfriend everyday. I did that because he is kind of forgetful and I didn't want our plans to be cancelled. So remember him and I really do hope for you it will work out.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

My boyfriend is coming to visit me in 28 days and it took him a long time before buying his ticket (I had the same fear as you). He wanted to wait last minutes but I told him the prices were increasing. So, he finally bought them maybe one week ago. It's better to do it in advance because of the price, that is for sure.
He hasn't booked his return ticket yet and it is annoying me (not because I don't want him to stay but because I know he can't stay longer than 12 days and he will have to pay much more if he doesn't buy it now). Keep telling him. I used to remember it to my boyfriend everyday. I did that because he is kind of forgetful and I didn't want our plans to be cancelled. So remember him and I really do hope for you it will work out.

Thanks! We talked about the trip way in advance as well, so pretty much no excuse for him to not buy the ticket (he told me he had the $ for it already). Its a nervous wait for me. How should I go about telling him, I'm only going to do it once more and the rest is up to him?

[hmrambling]

Some folks are clueless about how prices rise as time passes. He might have to learn the hard way that the price will go up the closer it gets to the visit.

I had an LDR ex that never seemed to learn. She would get down here and then want to rearrange the flight back. It costed several hundred dollars each time she did that. She simply never learned.

I just booked a trip for my current SO and I to go to the Grand Canyon in late February/early March. I literally spelled it out for her: if I book it now, it will cost either a half or a third of what it would cost if I waited. Then like clockwork, prices went up a week after I booked it. The same tickets that were $313 each round trip, when I booked it 2 weeks ago, are now right at $600. So we're already spending only half as much as we would be spending if we booked it today.

I broke it down for her and told her that. But if your SO doesn't get it, then he doesn't get it. He'll just be spending more (like my ex did).

Powerless over other people.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I usually tried to tell it discreetly during our text conversations. Like "do you think you'll buy your tickets soon? You should start looking at it seriously"
Or I was telling him directly, "Think of buying your plane tickets. The prices are increasing. You should do it tomorrow." When he finally decided to do it, he chose the wrong airport and well...it was a bit complicated. So it's important to do it in advance I think. Don't be scared to remind it to your SO.

I am the kind of annoying on some aspects like that because I repeat all the time until the message passes. I'm conscious you don't want to do all the job for him or sound needy or whatever, but if you really do want to meet and you don't want him to pay too much, you don't have the choice to remind him. Don't be scared. I guess he will just understand the messages after a couple of times.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I usually tried to tell it discreetly during our text conversations. Like "do you think you'll buy your tickets soon? You should start looking at it seriously"
Or I was telling him directly, "Think of buying your plane tickets. The prices are increasing. You should do it tomorrow." When he finally decided to do it, he chose the wrong airport and well...it was a bit complicated. So it's important to do it in advance I think. Don't be scared to remind it to your SO.

I am the kind of annoying on some aspects like that because I repeat all the time until the message passes. I'm conscious you don't want to do all the job for him or sound needy or whatever, but if you really do want to meet and you don't want him to pay too much, you don't have the choice to remind him. Don't be scared. I guess he will just understand the messages after a couple of times.

For some people, spelling out all the time never does anything. My ex was that kind of person, I guess he just didn't care, I would ask him to get days off for special things and he never did it and ended up working that day. Idk what to do, I feel so powerless. If he is that kind of person I feel like nothing would work out between us.

[Littlewhiteflower]

Just try once more, but if he told you he would come, trust him. It's his problem if he has to pay more.

[hmrambling]

It's already his problem if he has to pay more. I make a point not to tell my partner that she 'should' do anything. She has her own free will. I remind her of her options, and she makes a decision. Then she can deal with the results (consequences) of her decisions. But I will not tell her what she should do. It's really up to her.

Also, this was kind of covered here and here. It might help to revisit these threads. You cannot make him book the tickets, and I seriously doubt telling him that he should will help.

If he wants to book the flight, he will book the flight. If he wants to book the flight and chooses to procrastinate until the prices go up, then he will pay a higher price. If he chooses not to book the flight at all, then the two of you need to be having conversations about why he is not visiting.

[sasad]

Take screenshots from one week till the next and show him how they are going up up up! Some guys are more visual and that may get him to see.... or find tixs and send him a link. I am the one that shops for our flights... actually going RT to Fl first week of Dec for 62 bucks each way!

[Chris516]

My SO is coming here for the 1st time, he talks about how excited he is to see me and he has never been to my city. I have mentioned tickets awhile ago and casually mention plans for his trip. I want him to purchase tickets of his own will, but I am very concerned that he will wait so long that tickets will be 4x as expensive, especially considering its the end of the year (yes I have seen tickets go up not even for holidays). I actually dread him telling me he can't make it down cause tickets are outrageous. This might be bad, but I will def be questioning his commitment to me if he doesn't make it down due to terrible planning. I pretty much had tickets booked a month or more in advance when I went to visit him. Anyone's partner wait until the very last minute to buy tickets? I mean if he is so excited and looking forward, why has he not even looked at ticket prices? To me if he misses out coming down to see du to poor planning, that doesn't show that he misses me and wants to see me as much as he says he does. He did mention that he buys tickets a month in advance though a lot of his plans are really last minute. I procrastinate, but I know plane tickets is not something you can drag your feet on. He knows he will be available those days, so having the time off is not an issue. Should mention it again? I don't want to do all the work for him or anything.

Discuss it. But don't pressure him.

[Moon]

I'd casually add it into the next conversation, just something like "Oh, hey, I meant to tell you that I noticed air fares for the time you're coming is starting to rise a bit, you might want to check into it" then move on. The ball is in his court then, you did what you were supposed to without being perceived as nagging. See what he does then, and I hope it gives him some incentive to look for tickets. Good luck.

[differentcountries]

We usually buy tickets "together", but I buy all the tickets because - I do most of the visits and even when my SO visits it makes more sense that I buy them, since I have the money and I am very well versed with Norwegian Airlines which is what we will most likely use. I will usually tell him what kind of tickets I plan to buy and then get them when I get my paycheck/have the option. I prefer to plan months prior when I will come, but now I had to be very flexible to suit it to what happened at work since I dont have vacation rights. I still managed to get decent tickets, but that is because I am good at it by now. It is usually expensive to buy tickets soon before you leave. I use about 5 search engines to be sure I get the best prices and times.

My SO is not much of a planner, since he is more spontanious by nature and he never really had to plan much - he is used to his job creating the outlines for his life, giving him little leeway anyway. And he hardly ever goes abroad so he doesn't think like I do about this. Sometimes I have gotten upset about his "let's see"approach and told him; "visas and flight companies does not like spontaniety! If we buy expensive tickets, it means longer until the next visit".

He is simply shit at this and that's what I tell him LOL. But he appreciates that I am good at it and usually takes my advice.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

It's already his problem if he has to pay more. I make a point not to tell my partner that she 'should' do anything. She has her own free will. I remind her of her options, and she makes a decision. Then she can deal with the results (consequences) of her decisions. But I will not tell her what she should do. It's really up to her.

Also, this was kind of covered here and here. It might help to revisit these threads. You cannot make him book the tickets, and I seriously doubt telling him that he should will help.

If he wants to book the flight, he will book the flight. If he wants to book the flight and chooses to procrastinate until the prices go up, then he will pay a higher price. If he chooses not to book the flight at all, then the two of you need to be having conversations about why he is not visiting.

Thank you for your answers. This may seem super harsh, but my decision of what happens w/"us" kind of rides on whether he makes it out here. I don't play games or make excuses for people anymore. If he doesn't I know that I'm not a priority, we talked about this trip even before I went to visit him the start of November. Its extremely hard to sit on the side lines and watch what he does, but in the end I know what happens does happen for the best. Def if he doesn't make it out here I will be very hurt and I won't actually be able to trust that he cares for me.

[hmrambling]

Thank you for your answers. This may seem super harsh, but my decision of what happens w/"us" kind of rides on whether he makes it out here. I don't play games or make excuses for people anymore. If he doesn't I know that I'm not a priority, we talked about this trip even before I went to visit him the start of November. Its extremely hard to sit on the side lines and watch what he does, but in the end I know what happens does happen for the best. Def if he doesn't make it out here I will be very hurt and I won't actually be able to trust that he cares for me.

If you're not playing games, be direct with him. Being direct would be telling him that if he does not come to see you that you no longer want to see him. If it is a deal breaker, then say so. I'm not in the business of making ground rules and deal breakers without letting my partner know. My partner needs to know those things that I feel are worthy of terminating a relationship.

[Fast Forward]

NewToLongDistance2016: I get your point. When my bf and me started out, I told him to come visit me here in Ireland first - I knew that weather wise it would have made more sense for me to go to Montreal as the summer here is shite and there it is lovely. But for me it was about seeing whether he'd commit. I held my end of the deal and booked my tickets to see him two days after he went back home. He however took a long time to book tickets, booked them like a month and a half in advance only. It drove me mad. He has a job that makes asking for time off early kind of difficult though. He also chickens out before making such decisions. That is not just in the relationship - we only met cause he could not choose between two hostels and the day he wanted to book the other hostel was already fully booked
For some people, it is just a trait of character. I know he loves me and wants to see me as bad as I do, but I am much better and pulling through with plans than he is. We are now planning our next trip and I am already anxious that flights will be too expensive by the time he can finally book...