Kids + the SO??

[michy]

The other recent thread about having kids with your SO got me thinking about mine, and I was wondering:

Those of you who have kids (or have a SO who has them), have the two met? If they have met, what was the meeting like- comfortable/fun/awkward?? What did you guys do together? If they've not met, do your kids know about your SO?

For my kids, I think it's hard for them to conceptualize someone who's not there day-to-day, or the importance he has in my life. In a way, I almost feel guilty marrying someone whom they've met just once briefly, giving them a step-dad who's not much more than a stranger to them.

Ideally, Scott would be around and getting to know them bit-by-bit and finding a place in their lives before we married, but the distance sure won't allow it. I try to get around it by talking about him a lot, telling them what he does & what he's up to, and they certainly are interested in him.

But they don't *know* him... you know? :/

[Karringtyn]

I do know. My three children hthey ave met and spent much time with my SO...Any visit has been with them as a part of it..and they truly love him. Dan's kids are older...and I have met three of the four..as have my kids...

I have found as the longer we are together...each of them will say..."hey mom...can I can Dan.." and of course I say yes....and he has realized not to say "hey baby" when he sees it's me on caller id..lol....Both of my older kids are on Facebook with him...and they go back and forth with him on there too...

It's a wierd thing...colliding two families....I am sure there will be many challenges when we are CD...but I am ready.

[Moon]

My daughter is going to be 22 next month, completely different situation I know, but I can tell you she's not thrilled with it. They've never met, they will when I get him over here for a visit, but I think it makes her anxious because he's in another country altogether. I think she's afraid I'll move, but I'd never even consider it for a few years at least, 'til she's on her own and has her own life. I love her more than life itself, but she'll be leaving me soon enough and I'm trying to figure out what the next part of my life is supposed to be. Its a problem that weighs very heavily on my heart.

[Èternity]

My sons play WoW and have met him in game while I'm there. We do things as a team which they love. Their father also plays WoW on the opposing faction. Makes things interesting at times. It will be some time before we are CD so there is plenty of time to think and work through the challenges.

[michy]

My daughter is going to be 22 next month, completely different situation I know, but I can tell you she's not thrilled with it. They've never met, they will when I get him over here for a visit, but I think it makes her anxious because he's in another country altogether. I think she's afraid I'll move, but I'd never even consider it for a few years at least, 'til she's on her own and has her own life. I love her more than life itself, but she'll be leaving me soon enough and I'm trying to figure out what the next part of my life is supposed to be. Its a problem that weighs very heavily on my heart.

Hopefully once your daughter actually meets him, she will warm up to your relationship. From her point of view, I can see how it might be difficult to be positive/excited about someone who is just a name... but meeting a warm, smiling person is a different experience altogether! It sounds like you and your daughter have a strong relationship... and that will remain, whatever direction the next part of your life takes you

[michy]

I do know. My three children hthey ave met and spent much time with my SO...Any visit has been with them as a part of it..and they truly love him. Dan's kids are older...and I have met three of the four..as have my kids...

I have found as the longer we are together...each of them will say..."hey mom...can I can Dan.." and of course I say yes....and he has realized not to say "hey baby" when he sees it's me on caller id..lol....Both of my older kids are on Facebook with him...and they go back and forth with him on there too...

It's a wierd thing...colliding two families....I am sure there will be many challenges when we are CD...but I am ready.

It's fantastic that they've taken to him... and I love that they're comfortable enough with him to call! It's that comfort level that seems so hard to achieve from afar, but hope my kids can cultivate with Scott...
They were with him only for part of an evening back in February... and although it really wasn't much time for them to form an impression of him, my youngest (age 7) has asked me EVERY day this week- "mommy how many more days 'til Scott gets here again"... so it seems he's gotten off on the right foot with them! Which makes me warm and fuzzy for sure
It's odd enough when two families collide at close distance... infinitely more strange when it happens from afar! My kids have proven to be very adaptable so far.

My sons play WoW and have met him in game while I'm there. We do things as a team which they love. Their father also plays WoW on the opposing faction. Makes things interesting at times. It will be some time before we are CD so there is plenty of time to think and work through the challenges.

I can only imagine how interesting that must get, lol! Does it stay within the realm of friendly opposition?

[agentholli]

My kids haven't met Mark yet...they want to. I talk about Mark all the time and I am always talking about him and they see me on the phone with him. Just with the phone relationship that Mark and I have (I say that because they haven't seen us in person) they can tell he makes me happy. My oldest 11, he can't wait for me to meet mark so i can be fully happy...he tells me that often. Mark will be good for them..they will finally know what a "dad" is all about

[Èternity]

I can only imagine how interesting that must get, lol! Does it stay within the realm of friendly opposition?

Yes it does. I have to 'roll eyes' sometimes because they are both ultra competitive haha.

[Tanja]

My daughter has met Andy several times and she loves him! She's also learned to speak very good english for her age (she's 10) so they get along great and if there's some words she doesn't know, she'll try to explain or show Andy or they'll google it :P

The first time they met it was hard - she couldn't accept that he was close to me and everytime she saw us hugging or kissing she got mad so we had to do it secretly. I had broken up with her father just a little over a year before that so I guess she still had hope we would get back together. She still sometimes tells me she wishes her dad would live with us.

Despite a rough-ish start she's now fine with the fact that we're together and she loves playing games with Andy - I think she gets on his nerves sometimes bugging him to play something

[vixx360]

I'm on completely the opposite side here and could do with some advice from all you mothers out there...

My SO has two daughters from his previous marriage, they're 13 and 15 and live about an hour away from him with their mom who is re-married. I'm going over to see him at christmas for three weeks and will meet his girls this time. The whole idea intimidates me a little, I don't have kids myself and am just not sure how to approach the whole situation. He's totally confident that everything will be fine, he has a great relationship with them and they have known that we have been together since pretty much the beginning over a year ago and seem to be happy with the idea of their dad's relationship with me.

Any sage advice on how to handle meeting them would be great along with what ind of reactions might be likely. I'm also really not sure how to handle the whole christmas thing, what do you think about gifts, i feel that it would be right to give them a small token (some thing kitch and English) but I don't want to overstep any lines or cause any issues with his ex-wife.

What do you reckon???

[Moon]

Just treat them as if they're just regular old people you're meeting, don't be over the top friendly, or anything. Just be yourself and talk to them like adults, and don't ask the typical, boring grown-up questions Instead of school, or what they wanna do when they grow up, ask them about music, or video games, or whatever hobbies your SO tells you they're into. I gotta say, Heathrow (if you're flying out of there) has an abundance of kitchy English stuff! They've stuck a flag on anything and everything! Once you ask their dad what they're into, I'm sure you can get some great stuff right there, shopping in Heathrow is like going to a huge mall.

[Andy]

Yeah I get on really well with Tanja's daughter

Her English is absolutely fantastic! I can have proper conversations with her already, I love it

I do find it tricky living with her sometimes though, I'm not used to living with kids, I live with 3 other adults at home so that's something I find quite hard sometimes.

But she loves me to bits and I'm so glad, it would be quite the nightmare if we didn't get on

[blankita719]

When my SO came down to visit, my son knew about him in that vague "mommy's friend who she talks to on the phone a lot" way, but he was really only supposed to be coming down as a friend so I hadn't prepared my son for anything more that that. Then it just happened that we decided to give LDR another chance. They get along amazingly, and when I talk to the SO on skype, my son jump on to talk to him too. We even do the countdown to the next visit up together (26 days!)...His son knows about our relationship, but I haven't seen his son since he was 2 years old and he is now 15, so I worry about how well that will go since he's used to having his dad all to his self. I think it will be fine though since I've always been in the background as dad's friend from FL :-)

[skinbyrd85]

Vixx - just be yourself. You might need to sit down and have a talk with them and say that you're never going to try to replace their mum but would like to be their friend if that's ok. And yeah don't act weird around them, just treat them like normal people.

My daughter is 5 1/2 and is worried about losing me. She's talked to my SO on Skype and on the phone though and she drew a picture for him and sent it to him through the post. I just keep reassuring her that I love her and will always be here for her, and that if I go on holiday I will always come back. I don't know what else I can do. :/