I'm afraid he won't commit..?

[littlesunfl0wer]

I met a guy online through a anonymous website. He's from Australia, and I live in the US. We instantly hit it off and we seemed to have quite a bit of similarities. He's a gentleman which makes me more attractive to him instead of his looks (we both are different races, he's white and I'm black). Two days after talking, we went further and he gave me his Snapchat, & Kik to continue our friendship. He started off calling me "my lady, dear, miss, ma'am" then progressed to "beautiful, amazing, adorable" I guess I have become a part of his life, but not physically. I started to quickly become attached to him. As a lady, I'm learning how to control my emotions and not take things to fast with a guy. I told him how I feel about that and he stated that it's my rules and I shouldn't forget that, he will still be my friend regardless. Friends turned into more quickly, I was texting him through Kik and he said "We may get busy & not talk for a day or two or go on holidays or something but I'm always here for you. I love you, and only you." He already confessed he loves me. I didn't want to be mean and not say it back.. (It's so easy to say those 3 words and not mean it..) I know I shouldn't have, but I indeed get attached to guy, and started fantasising life with him. Can you fall for someone you've never met? He also mentioned he will be honest with me as I would do the same for him, and that he's lucky he has me in his life because I'm perfect for him including my flaws and all. Lastly he concluded that we can be together one day. (Again, ANYONE cant something and not mean it) Recently he messaged me and asked if we can Skype. I told him that would be fine with me. He also said "I'm sorry I wish we can Skype more often" (btw I mentioned that to him in the past, I didn't expect him to remember!) We eventually didn't Skype due to internet problems, and he kept apologising which I reminded him it's fine, we have plenty more times we can Skype. But there's a slight flaw. He told me a plan. We call, sext, and then relax/chill. This isn't the first time he asked so then again I'm thinking in my mind : What if he's using me for sexual pleasure? What are some things I can look out for? And lastly, we've been talking for a while now, and he hasn't me to be his girlfriend! For someone that said they love me soooo much & would love to be with can't commit. He won't even call me by my name sometimes unless I ask him too... What's going on here..? I just need some advice on what to do! Any and all advice will be gladly appreciated, don't hold back anything!

[Chris516]

I met a guy online through a anonymous website. He's from Australia, and I live in the US. We instantly hit it off and we seemed to have quite a bit of similarities. He's a gentleman which makes me more attractive to him instead of his looks (we both are different races, he's white and I'm black). Two days after talking, we went further and he gave me his Snapchat, & Kik to continue our friendship. He started off calling me "my lady, dear, miss, ma'am" then progressed to "beautiful, amazing, adorable" I guess I have become a part of his life, but not physically. I started to quickly become attached to him. As a lady, I'm learning how to control my emotions and not take things to fast with a guy. I told him how I feel about that and he stated that it's my rules and I shouldn't forget that, he will still be my friend regardless. Friends turned into more quickly, I was texting him through Kik and he said "We may get busy & not talk for a day or two or go on holidays or something but I'm always here for you. I love you, and only you." He already confessed he loves me. I didn't want to be mean and not say it back.. (It's so easy to say those 3 words and not mean it..) I know I shouldn't have, but I indeed get attached to guy, and started fantasising life with him. Can you fall for someone you've never met? He also mentioned he will be honest with me as I would do the same for him, and that he's lucky he has me in his life because I'm perfect for him including my flaws and all. Lastly he concluded that we can be together one day. (Again, ANYONE cant something and not mean it) Recently he messaged me and asked if we can Skype. I told him that would be fine with me. He also said "I'm sorry I wish we can Skype more often" (btw I mentioned that to him in the past, I didn't expect him to remember!) We eventually didn't Skype due to internet problems, and he kept apologising which I reminded him it's fine, we have plenty more times we can Skype. But there's a slight flaw. He told me a plan. We call, sext, and then relax/chill. This isn't the first time he asked so then again I'm thinking in my mind : What if he's using me for sexual pleasure? What are some things I can look out for? And lastly, we've been talking for a while now, and he hasn't me to be his girlfriend! For someone that said they love me soooo much & would love to be with can't commit. He won't even call me by my name sometimes unless I ask him too... What's going on here..? I just need some advice on what to do! Any and all advice will be gladly appreciated, don't hold back anything!

Yes, People can fall for someone they never met.

While I won't say it is a definite probability. His lack of asking you to be his girlfriend. Could be a fear of rejection. Yes, I know he has said 'I Love You', to you. But he could actually fear rejection. At least for the time being.

At the same time. His constant apologizing does make me wonder about him. If he is constantly apologizing, there might be something going on. That he has not told you about, or a behavior that he knows he should not be doing, but keeps doing.

[maybesomeday]

We're human and we all like it when someone pays us attention, it is then easier to become attached and to start fantasizing. But I can't see someone, realistically, falling in love with another that quickly (days/weeks), and especially online. If you haven't Skyped then you can't know if the "physical" connection is even there, although the connection may be there in other ways. It doesn't sound like to me he is very genuine in his feelings, but may just be someone who's done this or does this quite often with women, either online and/or offline. Or maybe he too is prone to attachment fairly easily and as a result he's said all these nice things so early on, and made it out to be a relationship. But if that's how he sees it, he should be referring to you by name and as his girlfriend. The "sexting" isn't all that out of the ordinary, but if he's asked you several times and if he becomes more focused on that, then that may be one of the reasons for all of this. Are you sure he is who he says he is? I'm assuming you have seen photo's of each other, are you certain his are real? My reply may sound negative, but I wanted to give a different perspective to the last poster; I see things differently and just thought I'd add in another possibility or two. Good luck, either way.

[snow]

We're human and we all like it when someone pays us attention, it is then easier to become attached and to start fantasizing. But I can't see someone, realistically, falling in love with another that quickly (days/weeks), and especially online. If you haven't Skyped then you can't know if the "physical" connection is even there, although the connection may be there in other ways. It doesn't sound like to me he is very genuine in his feelings, but may just be someone who's done this or does this quite often with women, either online and/or offline. Or maybe he too is prone to attachment fairly easily and as a result he's said all these nice things so early on, and made it out to be a relationship. But if that's how he sees it, he should be referring to you by name and as his girlfriend. The "sexting" isn't all that out of the ordinary, but if he's asked you several times and if he becomes more focused on that, then that may be one of the reasons for all of this. Are you sure he is who he says he is? I'm assuming you have seen photo's of each other, are you certain his are real? My reply may sound negative, but I wanted to give a different perspective to the last poster; I see things differently and just thought I'd add in another possibility or two. Good luck, either way.

What? There is so many couples on here that met online and fell in love online, you can't just dismiss that. My husband fell in love with me over the internet after spending one month playing video games together. It is very much possible - we didn't video chat until 2 months later.

To the OP: How old are you two? That helps a lot when giving advice :P
I think it all depends how much time passed between first talking and then asking to Skype / sext, because it becomes sort of a next step because you can't kiss or touch the person you like physically so you want to be close in a different way. If it naturally progressed there and you don't feel ready for it, then don't, it's really not that big of a deal.
I do wonder why he won't call you by your name. I mean, is he calling you terms of endearment or simply using your username?

[maybesomeday]

That's your opinion. I have mine. Different perspectives. Is there no such thing as differing opinions on this website?

[sasad]

That's your opinion. I have mine. Different perspectives. Is there no such thing as differing opinions on this website?

There's difference of opinion, and there's being just negative. That is what Snow meant. You tend to come off being extremely negative, it has nothing to do with expressing yourself on any website... chill out a bit.

[maybesomeday]

I wasn't entirely negative, it was just a different perspective. I don't expect anyone to agree with it, but it's my opinion regardless. Whether negative or positive, they should all be accepted unless of course it's cruel. Which nothing I've said has been.

[littlesunfl0wer]

Yes, People can fall for someone they never met.

While I won't say it is a definite probability. His lack of asking you to be his girlfriend. Could be a fear of rejection. Yes, I know he has said 'I Love You', to you. But he could actually fear rejection. At least for the time being.

At the same time. His constant apologizing does make me wonder about him. If he is constantly apologizing, there might be something going on. That he has not told you about, or a behavior that he knows he should not be doing, but keeps doing.

He shouldn't be afraid of rejection. He knows I have feelings for him, truly. He's not always apologising, it's from time to time. I also thought about we only known each other for a short period of time so I will have to just wait a little longer, no clue.

[kittyxuchiha11]

I feel like as you grow up and become an adult the idea of asking someone to be your girlfriend/boyfriend just sort of goes away. like when your relationship with a person changes from a friendship to a relationship i'd say that's it you're in a relationship and no one needs to ask will you be my girlfriend because you guys are in a relationship. From the way you describe your situation it seems you're both in a relationship together and you are in fact his girlfriend, do you think it's possible he just thinks like this and that's why he hasn't asked you?

[littlesunfl0wer]

We're human and we all like it when someone pays us attention, it is then easier to become attached and to start fantasizing. But I can't see someone, realistically, falling in love with another that quickly (days/weeks), and especially online. If you haven't Skyped then you can't know if the "physical" connection is even there, although the connection may be there in other ways. It doesn't sound like to me he is very genuine in his feelings, but may just be someone who's done this or does this quite often with women, either online and/or offline. Or maybe he too is prone to attachment fairly easily and as a result he's said all these nice things so early on, and made it out to be a relationship. But if that's how he sees it, he should be referring to you by name and as his girlfriend. The "sexting" isn't all that out of the ordinary, but if he's asked you several times and if he becomes more focused on that, then that may be one of the reasons for all of this. Are you sure he is who he says he is? I'm assuming you have seen photo's of each other, are you certain his are real? My reply may sound negative, but I wanted to give a different perspective to the last poster; I see things differently and just thought I'd add in another possibility or two. Good luck, either way.

I know he has been in previous relationship with other women, I don't know how they all went, but I know for a fact the women all left him... The last girl he was with left him for another boy. I can see that he has always been hurt and is afraid to open up to me. He IS the type to get fairly easily attached, I noticed. We Skyped once or twice and we are working on skyping more in the future. He told me he will always be honest with me as I can do the same for him.

[R&R]

I think a good piece of advice is "follow your heart but take your brain with you". We all take a chance on any relationship in which we become involved. However, we also need to make sure that words and actions are consistent. Don't feel that you have to rush your feelings or your responses to match his. My SO knew he loved me before I felt the same. He didn't want to say it first, so he told me that when I was ready, if I told him to know he would respond in kind. That way, there was really no pressure on me though I knew how he felt.

Some people fall in love very easily and many times in their life. Others are more reserved and may only ever fall in love once. Some really are just playing games over the internet to see what they can get from someone and get off on having multiple people "falling in love" with them. Pretty words are nice but if that's all they are, well they aren't really anything. Go with your gut - it's rarely wrong. If you feel things aren't right, like him not using your name, trust yourself. If you think it's only for sex, then tell him you want to stop stexting for now and see what happens.

[littlesunfl0wer]

What? There is so many couples on here that met online and fell in love online, you can't just dismiss that. My husband fell in love with me over the internet after spending one month playing video games together. It is very much possible - we didn't video chat until 2 months later.

To the OP: How old are you two? That helps a lot when giving advice :P
I think it all depends how much time passed between first talking and then asking to Skype / sext, because it becomes sort of a next step because you can't kiss or touch the person you like physically so you want to be close in a different way. If it naturally progressed there and you don't feel ready for it, then don't, it's really not that big of a deal.
I do wonder why he won't call you by your name. I mean, is he calling you terms of endearment or simply using your username?

I'm 19, and he's 24. I believe it's a working process. I mean I should be grateful he's giving me his time to actually speak with me for this long. He also told me he's never ever leaving me and plans on to wait on me..
I wonder too why he doesn't address me by my name.. He surely knows it, but calls me princess all the time.

[littlesunfl0wer]

I feel like as you grow up and become an adult the idea of asking someone to be your girlfriend/boyfriend just sort of goes away. like when your relationship with a person changes from a friendship to a relationship i'd say that's it you're in a relationship and no one needs to ask will you be my girlfriend because you guys are in a relationship. From the way you describe your situation it seems you're both in a relationship together and you are in fact his girlfriend, do you think it's possible he just thinks like this and that's why he hasn't asked you?

You think so? I throw hints at him, but he doesn't catch on.. I'm scared to ask him, I don't want him to run away from me.. He calls me his baby, baby girl, and that he loves me very much and he will never ever leave me and that I'm his alone.

[littlesunfl0wer]

I think a good piece of advice is "follow your heart but take your brain with you". We all take a chance on any relationship in which we become involved. However, we also need to make sure that words and actions are consistent. Don't feel that you have to rush your feelings or your responses to match his. My SO knew he loved me before I felt the same. He didn't want to say it first, so he told me that when I was ready, if I told him to know he would respond in kind. That way, there was really no pressure on me though I knew how he felt.

Some people fall in love very easily and many times in their life. Others are more reserved and may only ever fall in love once. Some really are just playing games over the internet to see what they can get from someone and get off on having multiple people "falling in love" with them. Pretty words are nice but if that's all they are, well they aren't really anything. Go with your gut - it's rarely wrong. If you feel things aren't right, like him not using your name, trust yourself. If you think it's only for sex, then tell him you want to stop stexting for now and see what happens.

With him, I feel he's sincere about everything he has said. He's willing to give me his time which he doesn't have too.. From the beginning since we talked, he told me he respects me and my body, and I don't have to do anything I'm not comfortable with.
Do you think I should ask him why he doesn't refer to my name at times? My mind is telling me so many different things, I don't know what to do, or to listen to my mind or gut.

[R&R]

With him, I feel he's sincere about everything he has said. He's willing to give me his time which he doesn't have too.. From the beginning since we talked, he told me he respects me and my body, and I don't have to do anything I'm not comfortable with.
Do you think I should ask him why he doesn't refer to my name at times? My mind is telling me so many different things, I don't know what to do, or to listen to my mind or gut.

My SO rarely uses my name and it's always been that way. I never really thought much about it.....but that's me. If you like to hear your actual name instead of pet names, then tell him so.

I would seriously consider why all of his ex's left him. Generally, if there is a pattern, it's not the women that are the issue but him. Maybe he is too clingy. Maybe he proved himself not to be trusted. I was with a guy for almost two years who blamed the ending of every relationship (and every other problem in his life) on someone else and he never took responsibility. I ended up breaking up with thim because there were so many issues with him. Guess what - he blamed the breakup on me. His next gf broke it off within 8 months. Pay attention to red flags that come up.