I'm afraid he won't commit..?

[littlesunfl0wer]

My SO rarely uses my name and it's always been that way. I never really thought much about it.....but that's me. If you like to hear your actual name instead of pet names, then tell him so.

I would seriously consider why all of his ex's left him. Generally, if there is a pattern, it's not the women that are the issue but him. Maybe he is too clingy. Maybe he proved himself not to be trusted. I was with a guy for almost two years who blamed the ending of every relationship (and every other problem in his life) on someone else and he never took responsibility. I ended up breaking up with thim because there were so many issues with him. Guess what - he blamed the breakup on me. His next gf broke it off within 8 months. Pay attention to red flags that come up.

I'm okay with the pet names, I wouldn't mind if he addressed me by my name from time to time..
If I remember correctly, I think he told me he hasn't been in a relationship in almost 2 years? I seen a Facebook post of his from a year ago and this sums him up completely. And I quote on quote, "Maybe I fall in love quite easily, but I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I just have a lot of love to give. I can appreciate people for who they are in a shorter time than normal & sure as hell get hurt more often. I'm just a little clingy. in the end i learn more about myself and about other people. i will never stop trusting people the way i do, i will never stop falling in love with people or places and i will never stop appreciating things the way i do because in the end that is what makes me happy and isn't that what is most important in any one persons life? to make themselves happy so they can make others happy. so Yeah, maybe I’m just a little clingy piece of shit. But i will love someone more than anyone else ever could. and i will make damned sure that people are happy."
Maybe he's desperately looking for love and can't find the right girl to share it with?

[R&R]

The only thing with making everything about love - it doesn't end up being about the other person in the relationship but they are instead just actually in love with being in love. Sometimes finding the right person happens quickly, but when someone falls in love with every single person they have been with very quickly, I would question that. People need to be happy with themselves and their lives as individuals first. Once they are fulfilled on their own, then it's easier to love someone knowing they are loving them as a person - not just because they want to be in love with someone, anyone to try to complete themselves.

[differentcountries]

With him, I feel he's sincere about everything he has said. He's willing to give me his time which he doesn't have too.. From the beginning since we talked, he told me he respects me and my body, and I don't have to do anything I'm not comfortable with.
Do you think I should ask him why he doesn't refer to my name at times? My mind is telling me so many different things, I don't know what to do, or to listen to my mind or gut.

My SO rarely use my name, if ever. It is not common here to adress people by their name, rather by their "role". SO will usually call me "sweet" or "princess", sometimes "honey", "baby" or Norwegian "kjære" or "kjæreste (love, my beloved - "the deareste one"), sometimes Turkish terms like canim or askim (my life and my love). His friends never refer to me by my name either, they call me (jokingly) in Turkish "sister in law" or "the bride". It is the norm here and so I dont think about it. I cant think of a single time he reffered to me by my first name. I use his nickname mostly, noone exept his mum used his full name.

As for clinging, it depends on what people want. I know a guy I would describe as clingy and almost infantlizing his girlfriends, they also complained that he never took initative for sex (or so I understand it, they complained that he "used all his time for schoolwork"). This guy, who some girls find very hard to date, is the perfect match for one of my close friends. He is always there for her, very reliable, super eager to spend time with her, wants to protect her from even dust that would fall from the sky - she feels very appreciated and secure, and is happy to initiate/signal sex. She has never been this happy as she is with him and she feels every things he does as caring. I would not date this man in a million years, and he is my living imagination of a snoozefest, but he is not for me. I need someone to be independent and to be comfortable with me keeping my independence., and who is not afraid to challenge me. My friend needs a completely different person. He too was being dumped by every single girl he dated - to which my friend just shakes her head: "these girls must be stupid". He is her ideal man. I would not date him because I think he is a pushover and he thinks I am too masculine, but in time we have come to respect each other because we both care a whole yard for my friend/his wife. It is sometimes not the man, it is the match. Is he something for you?

So, by all means look for red flags, but what matters most is how he is with YOU. Do you like and enjoy his behavior with you? What do you need in a relationship? What can he provide for you? What do you want to give him?

I am one of those people who fall in love easily. I would not say I am in love with being in love - but since I was 4 years old I have fallen for people easily - before I had any language for love, I just reffered to it as "the magical feeling". I remember every person I dated or cared for fondly, and they are very different people to me. Usually people who are in love with being in love loose interest very quickly and become easily bored if their love is returned. I have dated or been interested in the same persons for years. If this is the case with him he might be sincerely interested in his love interested and not just chasing the feeling. I would be very confused if someone where upset that I started to love them... But I also would not write what he did. Love happens when it happens.

How does he see you? Does he know you? Is he interested in your childhood and your future? Does he know what your life is like? Have you shared any secrets?

Why are you scared to tell him what you wonder about him? You should be able to share what is on your mind, and him to you.

[Chris516]

He shouldn't be afraid of rejection. He knows I have feelings for him, truly. He's not always apologizing, it's from time to time. I also thought about we only known each other for a short period of time so I will have to just wait a little longer, no clue.

I agree that he shouldn't be afraid of rejection, if that is a reason for his behavior. Because, His saying 'I Love You'. Is far bigger than his asking you to be his girlfriend. The words 'I Love You' have a far bigger meaning. So, He shouldn't have a problem with asking you to be his girlfriend.

Okay, The apologizing is periodic.

Again, Even though the two of you, have only known each other a short time. He should have no problem asking you to be his girlfriend. His 'I Love You' having come first. Is like going from 1st to 5th in a sports car, without cycling through the gears. He will strip his gears that way.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I met my partner (who is australian too) on a website as well. Our relationships started more slowly though. We sent emails to each other during a couple of weeks before starting to chat. It took me a long time to send him a picture of me due to trust issue and it took us 5 or 6 months to skype. We really took our time as he did not want a LDR at first. Now we talk everyday since one year and we will meet for the first time on December 16. It is possible to fall in love with someone online. Lot of people do. I did, but you have to keep in mind that it will probably be different in real. So, be careful a little bit as we never know

For the part about sexual pleasure, I can't help you. My boyfriend is 26. I'm 19 and he never asked me to ''call, sext and relax/chill'', but we do it from time to time, never under any pressure. He never asked me pictures and he should not force you to do anything you are not confortable with. I think 'sext' should come naturally. You shouldn't have to plan that. I mean, if you plan it, it's not the same. If he always wants to sext, starts to never want to talk about anything else, or don't care about the rest, those are signs you can look for, but as it never happened to me, I can hardly help you on that. Just don't do things you don't want to do. If you have concerns about him using you, you can be honest with him and tell him directly. If he loves you, he will take it seriously.

My partner never asked me to be his girlfriend. It came naturally. He told me he loved me once, during a fight, and on that moment, we realized that we were more than friends and that's how we became partner. We act like partner most of the time or as best friend. It's kinda weird to be honest, because I feel really close to him. I told him I love him online, but when we skype, I realize that I will need more time in real to really feel like he is my boyfriend. It can be different for everybody, but I have trouble looking at him in the eyes and to tell him on skype ''i love you''. I never did it actually, because I'm not ready. So, don't feel pressure. Just let it be and don't try to put a label on it. As long as you know he is committed, he is exclusive and he loves you, the label of girlfriend should not bother you.

For the name thing, you could tell him you would like to be called by your name. My partner gives me a lot of little name (some of them are more weird than others), but he uses my name a lot as well. When we call or skype, he always call me by my name though, just because we are both shy and he wouldn't be comfortable to call me ''honey'' or something like that. So, you should tell him. He will most certainly understand.
Hope it can help.

[littlesunfl0wer]

My SO rarely use my name, if ever. It is not common here to adress people by their name, rather by their "role". SO will usually call me "sweet" or "princess", sometimes "honey", "baby" or Norwegian "kjære" or "kjæreste (love, my beloved - "the deareste one"), sometimes Turkish terms like canim or askim (my life and my love). His friends never refer to me by my name either, they call me (jokingly) in Turkish "sister in law" or "the bride". It is the norm here and so I dont think about it. I cant think of a single time he reffered to me by my first name. I use his nickname mostly, noone exept his mum used his full name.

As for clinging, it depends on what people want. I know a guy I would describe as clingy and almost infantlizing his girlfriends, they also complained that he never took initative for sex (or so I understand it, they complained that he "used all his time for schoolwork"). This guy, who some girls find very hard to date, is the perfect match for one of my close friends. He is always there for her, very reliable, super eager to spend time with her, wants to protect her from even dust that would fall from the sky - she feels very appreciated and secure, and is happy to initiate/signal sex. She has never been this happy as she is with him and she feels every things he does as caring. I would not date this man in a million years, and he is my living imagination of a snoozefest, but he is not for me. I need someone to be independent and to be comfortable with me keeping my independence., and who is not afraid to challenge me. My friend needs a completely different person. He too was being dumped by every single girl he dated - to which my friend just shakes her head: "these girls must be stupid". He is her ideal man. I would not date him because I think he is a pushover and he thinks I am too masculine, but in time we have come to respect each other because we both care a whole yard for my friend/his wife. It is sometimes not the man, it is the match. Is he something for you?

So, by all means look for red flags, but what matters most is how he is with YOU. Do you like and enjoy his behavior with you? What do you need in a relationship? What can he provide for you? What do you want to give him?

I am one of those people who fall in love easily. I would not say I am in love with being in love - but since I was 4 years old I have fallen for people easily - before I had any language for love, I just reffered to it as "the magical feeling". I remember every person I dated or cared for fondly, and they are very different people to me. Usually people who are in love with being in love loose interest very quickly and become easily bored if their love is returned. I have dated or been interested in the same persons for years. If this is the case with him he might be sincerely interested in his love interested and not just chasing the feeling. I would be very confused if someone where upset that I started to love them... But I also would not write what he did. Love happens when it happens.

How does he see you? Does he know you? Is he interested in your childhood and your future? Does he know what your life is like? Have you shared any secrets?

Why are you scared to tell him what you wonder about him? You should be able to share what is on your mind, and him to you.

Most are fine with the nicknames, I sometimes address him by his name or call him cute pet names. Like I said, it doesn't bother me much, but I would like to tell him to call me by my name every now and then.. I do want to ask him why he hasn't use my name.

Red flags in a LDR? Majority of the time, he's a total sweetheart, calm all the time. Buuut there's a flaw. I'm ALWAYS the one starting the conversation. I have gone a couple days without contacting him, and to me it seemed like that was perfectly fine with him, because he has done that to me in the past! He didn't bother telling me, just left me hanging. If I could change one thing about him, that would be it. I would like for our relationship to be equally divided. What I look for in a relationship is someone to love and accept me as I would do the same, regardless of race/looks.

I fear if I continue to drown myself in the negative thoughts, I won't be able to see the good. My worst fear is him losing interest very quickly and moving on to the next. He did tell me I'm too much good for him, and he really appreciates me. In all, he could REALLY be into me and I'm letting my thoughts and overthinking ruin this.

We skype once, but we see each other faces on Snapchat frequently. From the beginning, we (I mean I did more of the talking) discussed a bit about ourselves. I want to get know more about him, everything if he's comfortable with letting me about his past and opening up. Secrets wise? I don't think either one of have, possibly not there yet.

[littlesunfl0wer]

I agree that he shouldn't be afraid of rejection, if that is a reason for his behavior. Because, His saying 'I Love You'. Is far bigger than his asking you to be his girlfriend. The words 'I Love You' have a far bigger meaning. So, He shouldn't have a problem with asking you to be his girlfriend.

Okay, The apologizing is periodic.

Again, Even though the two of you, have only known each other a short time. He should have no problem asking you to be his girlfriend. His 'I Love You' having come first. Is like going from 1st to 5th in a sports car, without cycling through the gears. He will strip his gears that way.

I made it clear through hints and actually said it, I don't want him to runaway from me as I will be here for him if he needs me. I wouldn't reject him as he shared a secret with me not too many people know about... I'm still questioning how he didn't ask me, although I'm in no rush! If he didn't have a problem saying "I love you", there's not a difference with "Will you be my girlfriend?" Unless in his mind, he thinks we are or I can put an end to the worrying and questioning and come clear and ask him, "Hey, what are we intentionally?" <-- I'm waiting for the day to type this and press send, but every chance I regret because the fear of him leaving...

[Littlewhiteflower]

Red flags in a LDR? Majority of the time, he's a total sweetheart, calm all the time. Buuut there's a flaw. I'm ALWAYS the one starting the conversation. I have gone a couple days without contacting him, and to me it seemed like that was perfectly fine with him, because he has done that to me in the past! He didn't bother telling me, just left me hanging. If I could change one thing about him, that would be it. I would like for our relationship to be equally divided. What I look for in a relationship is someone to love and accept me as I would do the same, regardless of race/looks.

For a guy who ''loves you'', he should be able to contact you first without waiting for days. If I'm not contacting my partner, he contacts me first. So, for me, it is a bit odd that he never does it.

I fear if I continue to drown myself in the negative thoughts, I won't be able to see the good. My worst fear is him losing interest very quickly and moving on to the next. He did tell me I'm too much good for him, and he really appreciates me. In all, he could REALLY be into me and I'm letting my thoughts and overthinking ruin this.

It is normal to be a bit negative sometimes, but if he loves you, he should not be losing interest very quickly. Try to see the positive, even if you must stay careful. You will see. Maybe you'll realize he is not the good one for you or he is the good one. It takes time to figure out what we want sometimes..

We skype once, but we see each other faces on Snapchat frequently. From the beginning, we (I mean I did more of the talking) discussed a bit about ourselves. I want to get know more about him, everything if he's comfortable with letting me about his past and opening up. Secrets wise? I don't think either one of have, possibly not there yet.

Ask him questions. Check on Internet, there are list of questions you can ask to your partner to learn to know him. That's what I did with my SO. It can help.

[littlesunfl0wer]

I met my partner (who is australian too) on a website as well. Our relationships started more slowly though. We sent emails to each other during a couple of weeks before starting to chat. It took me a long time to send him a picture of me due to trust issue and it took us 5 or 6 months to skype. We really took our time as he did not want a LDR at first. Now we talk everyday since one year and we will meet for the first time on December 16. It is possible to fall in love with someone online. Lot of people do. I did, but you have to keep in mind that it will probably be different in real. So, be careful a little bit as we never know

For the part about sexual pleasure, I can't help you. My boyfriend is 26. I'm 19 and he never asked me to ''call, sext and relax/chill'', but we do it from time to time, never under any pressure. He never asked me pictures and he should not force you to do anything you are not confortable with. I think 'sext' should come naturally. You shouldn't have to plan that. I mean, if you plan it, it's not the same. If he always wants to sext, starts to never want to talk about anything else, or don't care about the rest, those are signs you can look for, but as it never happened to me, I can hardly help you on that. Just don't do things you don't want to do. If you have concerns about him using you, you can be honest with him and tell him directly. If he loves you, he will take it seriously.

My partner never asked me to be his girlfriend. It came naturally. He told me he loved me once, during a fight, and on that moment, we realized that we were more than friends and that's how we became partner. We act like partner most of the time or as best friend. It's kinda weird to be honest, because I feel really close to him. I told him I love him online, but when we skype, I realize that I will need more time in real to really feel like he is my boyfriend. It can be different for everybody, but I have trouble looking at him in the eyes and to tell him on skype ''i love you''. I never did it actually, because I'm not ready. So, don't feel pressure. Just let it be and don't try to put a label on it. As long as you know he is committed, he is exclusive and he loves you, the label of girlfriend should not bother you.

For the name thing, you could tell him you would like to be called by your name. My partner gives me a lot of little name (some of them are more weird than others), but he uses my name a lot as well. When we call or skype, he always call me by my name though, just because we are both shy and he wouldn't be comfortable to call me ''honey'' or something like that. So, you should tell him. He will most certainly understand.
Hope it can help.

Our relationship was slow at the beginning, at first we basically got to know each other, and about ourselves. I didn't feel pressure to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. He made me feel assured and I trust him when he gave me his word. Actually, I knew he had a skype, but he recently added me on Skype!(: We talk almost everyday, the time difference kills me whenever I'm awake at 6AM, he's asleep and vice versa. How did you manage to cope with the time difference?

The thing about him is, he's a rare kind, like one in a million. That's what draws me more and more to him. He doesn't pressure me, he's not upset with me when I don't send anything, he always tell me he loves me regardless. You know he even told me he would try to wait for me... I didn't respond, so I quickly changed the subject. He's 24, and I'm 19. If he didn't love me, or wanted to talk to me anymore, he wouldn't. He's willingly giving me his time. Have you and your Australian SO talked about closing the distance?

[Littlewhiteflower]

I made it clear through hints and actually said it, I don't want him to runaway from me as I will be here for him if he needs me. I wouldn't reject him as he shared a secret with me not too many people know about... I'm still questioning how he didn't ask me, although I'm in no rush! If he didn't have a problem saying "I love you", there's not a difference with "Will you be my girlfriend?" Unless in his mind, he thinks we are or I can put an end to the worrying and questioning and come clear and ask him, "Hey, what are we intentionally?" <-- I'm waiting for the day to type this and press send, but every chance I regret because the fear of him leaving...

Ask him. If he loves you, if you are sure of loving him, why would he leaves because you ask him what you both are? It is normal to discuss of those things. I need to be reassured often and even after a year, I still ask my SO what we are from time to time (because sometimes he is distant or we fight, etc.) Don't be scared.
At least, you could ask him ''Are you committed to me?'' or ''Are you exclusive to me?'' and after you could ask, ''What am I for you? Do you see a future with me or am I just part of your life until you meet someone else..?'' that's what I did and yes it takes guts, but you'll feel really better after.

[littlesunfl0wer]

For a guy who ''loves you'', he should be able to contact you first without waiting for days. If I'm not contacting my partner, he contacts me first. So, for me, it is a bit odd that he never does it.



It is normal to be a bit negative sometimes, but if he loves you, he should not be losing interest very quickly. Try to see the positive, even if you must stay careful. You will see. Maybe you'll realize he is not the good one for you or he is the good one. It takes time to figure out what we want sometimes..



Ask him questions. Check on Internet, there are list of questions you can ask to your partner to learn to know him. That's what I did with my SO. It can help.

I know it's not right, but I asked a few others and they told me to do it to see how he would feel. A few days he contacted me first to Skype, but I didn't the message until the next day. I don't want to come off as clingy or needy to him, apparently guys don't like that in a girl. I'm still learning about him, as he is doing the same for me.
Oh honey, I asked many questions about him, and my favourite was, "How often do you think about the future?" His response was "Not often." I'm annoyed with myself, because I'm clueless what to do now. His repsonses are very little, not fully thought out.

[Littlewhiteflower]

Our relationship was slow at the beginning, at first we basically got to know each other, and about ourselves. I didn't feel pressure to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. He made me feel assured and I trust him when he gave me his word. Actually, I knew he had a skype, but he recently added me on Skype!(: We talk almost everyday, the time difference kills me whenever I'm awake at 6AM, he's asleep and vice versa. How did you manage to cope with the time difference?

I do not really have any problems with time difference, because he is living in canada since maybe 2 years because of his job (in a different province. It's why I never met him before). So, we just have one hour of difference. His sister is Australian and in a LDR with a man from Nashville though. My SO told me they talked a bit in the night and a bit in the morning (they don't sleep lot), but not every day because it was really difficult. They mostly skype together as soon as they can (they know the schedule of each other and try to fix time together).
In the end, even if I just have one hour of difference with my SO, we don't talk during the day. We send a text message in the morning and we talk a bit at night, but never a lot. We try to call on ''messenger'' every two or three days. My boyfriend is not a big talker (which is hard for me), but with time, we get used to it.

The thing about him is, he's a rare kind, like one in a million. That's what draws me more and more to him. He doesn't pressure me, he's not upset with me when I don't send anything, he always tell me he loves me regardless. You know he even told me he would try to wait for me... I didn't respond, so I quickly changed the subject. He's 24, and I'm 19. If he didn't love me, or wanted to talk to me anymore, he wouldn't. He's willingly giving me his time. Have you and your Australian SO talked about closing the distance?

Yes, we did, but I live in Quebec (french province) and he doesn't speak a word of french. Because of his job (he is working in aviation), it is kind of impossible for him to live here. He is not sure he will be able to stay forever in canada either. He thinks of moving to the United States, but he told me he was ready to make compromises with me. His job is his life, but he said he did not want to lose me. So, he is willing to wait.
He pretends I'm the woman of his life and it scares me from time to time because I'm only 20. I'm not ready to have a family yet nor a house, but he wants to settle with me. I believe him, because he is quite mature, although it makes me panic sometimes haha. Anyway, we are giving it a try now. He will spend christmas at home and we will see after how it goes. I might go work in his province next summer depending if he stays there or move in the USA. At first, we talked a lot about closing the distance. We talked about marriage and so on, but now, we want to take our time. I think you should do the same if you are not ready yet.

[littlesunfl0wer]

Ask him. If he loves you, if you are sure of loving him, why would he leaves because you ask him what you both are? It is normal to discuss of those things. I need to be reassured often and even after a year, I still ask my SO what we are from time to time (because sometimes he is distant or we fight, etc.) Don't be scared.
At least, you could ask him ''Are you committed to me?'' or ''Are you exclusive to me?'' and after you could ask, ''What am I for you? Do you see a future with me or am I just part of your life until you meet someone else..?'' that's what I did and yes it takes guts, but you'll feel really better after.

I'm an expert on relationships as most ended pretty bad.. Yes, I know myself better, and I learned in a relationship, I need to reassured I'm always loved. Right now, I miss him terribly and not sure if I can tell him that or he'll think less of me. I shouldn't make decisions based on my emotions, but I can't decide whether to listen to my mind or gut feeling.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I know it's not right, but I asked a few others and they told me to do it to see how he would feel. A few days he contacted me first to Skype, but I didn't the message until the next day. I don't want to come off as clingy or needy to him, apparently guys don't like that in a girl. I'm still learning about him, as he is doing the same for me.
Oh honey, I asked many questions about him, and my favourite was, "How often do you think about the future?" His response was "Not often." I'm annoyed with myself, because I'm clueless what to do now. His repsonses are very little, not fully thought out.

No...men don't like neediness. You can be sure of that. I'm a bit needy in fact and my SO hates that (so, I work on that with him.) That's why you should let him contact you first from time to time. I sometimes tell to my SO, ''If you want to talk to me, do it first. I don't want to bother you.'' and he understands the message.

My BF is a bit the same. I mean..he is not talkative. So, he never asks a lot of questions and he doesn't like when I ask many questions. He never answer with long answers either except if we talk about politics (bad subject, believe me haha).
I think my partner would have the same reaction on that question you ask. He doesn't think about the future because it makes him anxious. Did you ask him about his childhood? How he was as a kid? Ask him about his parents, his brothers/sisters. Ask him if they get along together. Talk about Christmas (It's a subject I love although Australians don't really celebrate that I think). Ask him about his culture. About his tastes on a girl. What he likes, what he doesn't. You can ask him about his ideal date, or something like that. One day, I found some images with 100 questions to ask each other. I sent that to my boyfriend and said, ''choose a question. Give me your answer and ask it to me. I'll do the same.'' So, we spent lot of time on that, trying to learn on each other and it was very fun.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I'm an expert on relationships as most ended pretty bad.. Yes, I know myself better, and I learned in a relationship, I need to reassured I'm always loved. Right now, I miss him terribly and not sure if I can tell him that or he'll think less of me. I shouldn't make decisions based on my emotions, but I can't decide whether to listen to my mind or gut feeling.

I say to my boyfriend pretty often I miss him. Don't say ''terribly'' but tell him you miss him. There is no bad in it.
Don't say it all the time either, maybe once in a while, but he will certainly appreciate to know it.