Where did it go wrong? :(

[OliverCroft]

Hello, I'm new here

I met a wonderful girl about 3 months ago, we met online and instantly clicked with eachother, we had so much in common and it made eachother happy to get messages from eachother and hear eachother's voices.
We've messaged eachother every single day without fail, we called eachother most nights and we've Skyped once so we know we're both real We haven't met in person but I want to organize something soon with her.

She has been very lovely ever since we started talking but the last week, she's been acting very differently, her texts have been very blunt, she doesnt seem to have time to call me anymore etc. It seems like she's just lost interest in me.

She has been very open about her severe anxiety and depression but i feel ive given 200% support for her with her conditions, always telling her that im here for her, to tell me when she feels anxious so i can help her. I only want the best for her.

She started back at university today so I assume has been feeling very anxious about that (she hasn't actually told me, i'm assuming) and this could be causing her messages to me to seem blunt. She told me not to message her, she'll message me when she is free to chat, I told her that its nice to hear from her, even if its just a couple of messages each day, its nice to know she's thinking of me and stuff.

I'm not sure if its the fact that she's starting back at university that is stressing her out and not having much time for me anymore or if she's just lost interest in me. I've got some photos of our conversations so you can see the difference.

I dont know what to do??? I love this girl and she used to love me but doesnt show it anymore. Help please

[Chris516]

Hello, I'm new here

I met a wonderful girl about 3 months ago, we met online and instantly clicked with eachother, we had so much in common and it made eachother happy to get messages from eachother and hear eachother's voices.
We've messaged eachother every single day without fail, we called eachother most nights and we've Skyped once so we know we're both real We haven't met in person but I want to organize something soon with her.

She has been very lovely ever since we started talking but the last week, she's been acting very differently, her texts have been very blunt, she doesnt seem to have time to call me anymore etc. It seems like she's just lost interest in me.

She has been very open about her severe anxiety and depression but i feel ive given 200% support for her with her conditions, always telling her that im here for her, to tell me when she feels anxious so i can help her. I only want the best for her.

She started back at university today so I assume has been feeling very anxious about that (she hasn't actually told me, i'm assuming) and this could be causing her messages to me to seem blunt. She told me not to message her, she'll message me when she is free to chat, I told her that its nice to hear from her, even if its just a couple of messages each day, its nice to know she's thinking of me and stuff.

I'm not sure if its the fact that she's starting back at university that is stressing her out and not having much time for me anymore or if she's just lost interest in me. I've got some photos of our conversations so you can see the difference.

I dont know what to do??? I love this girl and she used to love me but doesnt show it anymore. Help please

Has she definitively said things are over?

[OliverCroft]

Has she definitively said things are over?

No she hasn't and messaged me a few hours ago but her messages are much more blunt and it seems like she doesn't appreciate my love and care for her and doesn't love me anymore either.

[Littlewhiteflower]

I know how she might feel as I'm anxious and I had depression when I first met my partner.
I started university in September and this has been terrible for me (in my case it was the first time in this school. So lot of changes). It was really hard psychologically and my boyfriend was worried and questioning me all the time. Part of me wanted to be with him and part of me wanted to be alone.

I'm not saying it's her case. We are all different. But it's the way I lived it. Depression is not an easy thing to deal with, especially not when it's mixed with anxiety..you cannot totally understand it if you have never experienced it (I believe).

did you tell her she was being more distant with you? Did you tell her your worries? I know men don't necessarily want to talk of that, but maybe that would help. Maybe she just needs a bit of time to adapt herself. She is acting like that since last week. So maybe she is living a bad week. Some periods are worse then others with depression. Maybe shes scared to bother you with her feelings too. I know that with time, I was worried my boyfriend would be tired of me. So, when I had down moments, I just didn't talk lot. He asked me all the time if it was okay and I said "yes, that's fine, just tired or just busy". I was scared to push him away with my negativity.

Give her a bit of time. But try to bring it up too. It's important to communicate. You should try to call her too. She would maybe appreciate and you could discuss of what is going on.

[sasad]

I don't think you have done anything wrong.. and the fact that you are backing off and respecting what se asked is really good! Do NOT try to push her. Don't nag call etc until she is ready. Calling her and trying to have a conversation with her right now may just be enough to push her away. She just started back today, so again, give her space and time. She has anxiety issues and depression as well, so you are being available to her when she needs.

Maybe this weekend you could send her a card or flowers with a little thinking of you type of note?

[OliverCroft]

I know how she might feel as I'm anxious and I had depression when I first met my partner.
I started university in September and this has been terrible for me (in my case it was the first time in this school. So lot of changes). It was really hard psychologically and my boyfriend was worried and questioning me all the time. Part of me wanted to be with him and part of me wanted to be alone.

I'm not saying it's her case. We are all different. But it's the way I lived it. Depression is not an easy thing to deal with, especially not when it's mixed with anxiety..you cannot totally understand it if you have never experienced it (I believe).

did you tell her she was being more distant with you? Did you tell her your worries? I know men don't necessarily want to talk of that, but maybe that would help. Maybe she just needs a bit of time to adapt herself. She is acting like that since last week. So maybe she is living a bad week. Some periods are worse then others with depression. Maybe shes scared to bother you with her feelings too. I know that with time, I was worried my boyfriend would be tired of me. So, when I had down moments, I just didn't talk lot. He asked me all the time if it was okay and I said "yes, that's fine, just tired or just busy". I was scared to push him away with my negativity.

Give her a bit of time. But try to bring it up too. It's important to communicate. You should try to call her too. She would maybe appreciate and you could discuss of what is going on.

Thank you for the great advice, I haven't spoken to her about her blunt messages recently and being distant from me because I'm worried she will think I'm being selfish for feeling like that since she is obviously going through a lot more than I am. I really want the relationship to work but recently I'm questioning if she wants the same.

I haven't been questioning her all the time, I've been trying to give her some space to settle into university which I think is a good thing since she told me not to message her all the time while she is there as she may be busy.

I'm worried we are slowly drifting apart I guess..

[OliverCroft]

I don't think you have done anything wrong.. and the fact that you are backing off and respecting what se asked is really good! Do NOT try to push her. Don't nag call etc until she is ready. Calling her and trying to have a conversation with her right now may just be enough to push her away. She just started back today, so again, give her space and time. She has anxiety issues and depression as well, so you are being available to her when she needs.

Maybe this weekend you could send her a card or flowers with a little thinking of you type of note?

I haven't done anything wrong but from the way she's been messaging me I feel like she is very anxious about university or is losing interest in me. I think a bit of space and time while she is at uni is good. ( she's there for three weeks then goes back in January ) hopefully she will feel and act more normal after she is settled in or finished uni. Would you recommend talking to her about how I've been feeling and how she's been acting or do you think it would be a bit much for her on top of uni? Thanks

[sasad]

I haven't done anything wrong but from the way she's been messaging me I feel like she is very anxious about university or is losing interest in me. I think a bit of space and time while she is at uni is good. ( she's there for three weeks then goes back in January ) hopefully she will feel and act more normal after she is settled in or finished uni. Would you recommend talking to her about how I've been feeling and how she's been acting or do you think it would be a bit much for her on top of uni? Thanks

Follow her lead. Give her some time/space to settle in and get into her zone. She doesn't need the extra stress right now, but support. I think you are doing the right thing tbh. And like I said, send he a quick text or not this weekend.. just an I'm thinking of you and know you are rocking uni .. Let her lead the convo..
---oh and trust me, we ALL go through periods of slow texting etc.. its NORMAL.

[OliverCroft]

Follow her lead. Give her some time/space to settle in and get into her zone. She doesn't need the extra stress right now, but support. I think you are doing the right thing tbh. And like I said, send he a quick text or not this weekend.. just an I'm thinking of you and know you are rocking uni .. Let her lead the convo..
---oh and trust me, we ALL go through periods of slow texting etc.. its NORMAL.

Thank you, that sounds like a really good idea 👍🏻 Just a little text to let her know that I'm thinking of her will hopefully help her a little bit. I'm glad that he slow and blunt texts are normal sometimes. I understand she is going through a tough time but I always seem to think the worst and I assumed that she was losing interest in me

[Chris516]

No she hasn't and messaged me a few hours ago but her messages are much more blunt and it seems like she doesn't appreciate my love and care for her and doesn't love me anymore either.

Hmmm.....That is the pits.

[OliverCroft]

Hmmm.....That is the pits.

What do you mean?

[Littlewhiteflower]

I do not think you should worry too much. It's not good for you and it's not good for her. Show you're there for her. Be present. But don't stress over it. Try to see positive.
She possibly just wants to be alone to deal with her emotions, but it's important that you show you're still next to her to listen if she needs it. Don't imagine too much and if it really starts to stress you too much, discuss of that with her. communication is the key in the end.

[differentcountries]

Apart from any mental issues, many people who are intense on the long distance die down a bit after 2-3 months. The adrenalin slows down. You start to become interested in regular things again, perhaps things you neglected to sit on Skype every day.

I thought SO might have lost interest in me after 2-3 months. It turned out that yes, our communication was slowly changing a bit but no, he was just very focused on his studies and did not know how do to do that and still talk to me. I suggested that we started to Skype every other day instead of every day. I opened up the possability that other things in his life was important too, and that I was not neccesarily threatened by that. But that he had to stay on touch, and not just get back to me friendship-style. In the course of our relationship he finished his bacheolor-degree, so I am very happy I was patient with it.

Best of luck with her, it sounds like you are trying to be patient. Make sure you do things to enjoy life in the meanwhile. Best wishes

[OliverCroft]

Apart from any mental issues, many people who are intense on the long distance die down a bit after 2-3 months. The adrenalin slows down. You start to become interested in regular things again, perhaps things you neglected to sit on Skype every day.

I thought SO might have lost interest in me after 2-3 months. It turned out that yes, our communication was slowly changing a bit but no, he was just very focused on his studies and did not know how do to do that and still talk to me. I suggested that we started to Skype every other day instead of every day. I opened up the possability that other things in his life was important too, and that I was not neccesarily threatened by that. But that he had to stay on touch, and not just get back to me friendship-style. In the course of our relationship he finished his bacheolor-degree, so I am very happy I was patient with it.

Best of luck with her, it sounds like you are trying to be patient. Make sure you do things to enjoy life in the meanwhile. Best wishes

I know what you mean and i feel similarly, i feel like the adrenalin and excitement of being around eachother that we once felt has slowed down, but i also feel like at the same time, she's lost some interest in me, this might be because of uni stress. I'm not sure and i'm a little worried to ask her.

I'm finding it quite hard to be patient though, she picks up on my smallest mistakes which really makes me feel bad, i'm not sure if this is part of her anxiety and stress related to uni or something else. She never used to but exaggerates when i make a small mistake..

I know she'll be worth it in the long run but i'm just going through a tough time with her at the moment.

[Chris516]

What do you mean?

I was referring to what you said about her not contacting you.