videochat not important

[Fast Forward]

So just before my boyfriend told me that he does not think videochats are important and I am having a tough time wrapping my head around that.
He claims he misses me and can't wait for us to be together again - yet he has no desire to see my face on video. He says it annoys him to sit down for so long not doing anything. He says he enjoys seeing me but it does not give him much on an app. I am quite hurt by that since I love to see his face even if it is just on a screen and we used to spend hours each day talking on Skype last summer - almost every day. Now we hardly manage once a week. I am okay if it is because we are too busy, but it upsets me to hear that he just doesn't consider it important at all.

Any thoughts on that? My insecure self thinks that is proof that at least when we are long distance, the actual relationship doesn't matter much to him. That he loves me deeply when I am physically present but as soon as we are apart I am just a nice habit to keep up to kill time. I also wonder how I can bring up with him how hurt I am. He will still Skype etc since he knows it is important to me (and I really only ask for once a week), but I am disappointed he doesn't ever feel like it by himself.

[sasad]

Do you really feel that way? That you are a long distance habit??? Wow. Does he talk to you during the week? Text etc? If the answer is yes, then you probably need to take a step back and look at what you have vs what you are getting.
He doesn't like vid chat yet he does once a week, FOR YOU. . And you say it's because he doesn't want to see your face. Really?
I hated vid chat. I am mostly stuck in my one place when I do that, as I suck at multi tasking. You SO said he doesn't like it and gave you reasons. You have both talked about it, and compromised it seems. Stop equating him doing what you want as love. If you are looking for reasons to not make it work, then by all means, continue on. This is the same as people complaining that their SO is not walking around, staring at their phone and waiting for a text so they can answer in a New York second.
By all means, try and see if you can set specific c times to skype, but please also respect his wants as well.

[kittyxuchiha11]

You're putting a lot of words in his mouth that he definitely didn't say with this. Just because he doesn't enjoy skyping much doesn't mean he loves you any less than he does when you're together at all, it just means that he doesn't like videochats. My SO and I both live very busy lives and so we find the time to skype/voice chat about once a week and yes it's nice to see each other but we've both said it isn't something we find super important, we message through the week and that usually is enough for us unless one of us has had a particularity trying week, and then we'll skype as a sort of cheer up thing.

Just now, all he's said to you is that he doesn't find skyping to be a super important thing to him. that doesn't mean he doesn't like talking to you or that he misses you any less, it just means he doesn't like videochats. I know you feel very hurt by this but honestly don't you think your SO would be way more hurt with you claiming all these things about him? The fact that he compromises and still skypes with you although he doesn't like you alone should show you that he very much cares about you and loves you.
Best of luck sorting this out with him

[sasad]

You're putting a lot of words in his mouth that he definitely didn't say with this. Just because he doesn't enjoy skyping much doesn't mean he loves you any less than he does when you're together at all, it just means that he doesn't like videochats. My SO and I both live very busy lives and so we find the time to skype/voice chat about once a week and yes it's nice to see each other but we've both said it isn't something we find super important, we message through the week and that usually is enough for us unless one of us has had a particularity trying week, and then we'll skype as a sort of cheer up thing.

Just now, all he's said to you is that he doesn't find skyping to be a super important thing to him. that doesn't mean he doesn't like talking to you or that he misses you any less, it just means he doesn't like videochats. I know you feel very hurt by this but honestly don't you think your SO would be way more hurt with you claiming all these things about him? The fact that he compromises and still skypes with you although he doesn't like you alone should show you that he very much cares about you and loves you.
Best of luck sorting this out with him

Hah you posted the same thing at the same time basically

[kittyxuchiha11]

I just took longer typing haha, great minds think alike :P

[R&R]

Both sasad and kittyxuchiha11 are right. If he is showing you he cares in other ways and will Skype with you to make you happy even though it's not something he really wants to do, he is showing you that he is dedicated to you.

My SO and I barely ever Skype. We were apart for 16 months and I can probably count on one hand how many times we had Skype sessions in that time. It was not a lack of love or dedication but that we both are very busy and taking the time to Skype when we have work/school work that can be getting done while we are at home took priority.

[Fast Forward]

Sorry for the late reply, very busy day and just got home

Thank you guys for your insights. As someone who clutches at any straws to "be" with my SO and who just loves video chats in general I have a hard time understanding others dislike it. Especially since we used to do it every other day after we first met - but maybe he neede dit then to to confirm himself he wanted to give it a try, and now he doesn't need that anymore? Does that make sense?

Anyhow, I have pretty big separation anxiety and although it has gotten a lot better since I've been with him, there are still remnants. I know it is an excuse that gets old, but I have gone through hell in my last relationship which also started as a LDR. I still find it hard to understand some actions as I misread them last time as well.

Like today I didn't receive a Good morning text. I called him on my way home and he picked up but said he was so busy and that he couldn't really talk and that he will call me later. Now one part is happy he picked up at all if only to tell me he is busy and still took the minute to ask how my day has been. The other part doesn't believe him and is hurt because it is sure he just doesn't care.

In case anyone is wondering - yes I am in counseling but I am making baby steps

[differentcountries]

With us, we used to Skype a lot in the beginning of our relationship. We were both eager to sit down for at least 2 hours to see each other's face, hear the voice of the other and generally just keep up with whatever the other was doing. There are several reasons we dont have that habit any more, some of them are: We are both introverts who desire some down town alone. While we can be "alone together" in the same room, Skype does not work like that for us. We are not attracted to just having it on in the backround, we use it to actually talk (or have sex lol). Gradually, we transformed from being very Skype focused to being very text/app focused. Rather than having an ongoing convo, we rather send each other small snippets "I did this", "look at the pic of this x and y". The both of us use Facebook a lot to post things from our jobs and other things, so we are kept in the loop through that too. Even when something bad happens, like on my job where we had to deal with a knife attack in one of our cases, I preffered to text him. I think we "hear each other's voice" in the texts. We also dont wear each other down when we are tired.

[Bee'sknees]

We have never video chatted, not even once. We have voice calls every night and we send pictures to each other, but I just find video chatting very awkward and I'm not comfortable with it. It doesn't mean that I don't love him or that I see him as a habit. I love him and his face more than anything, but I don't have the need to see him all the time when we're talking. Plus we always watch something together so it would be pretty pointless to have cams on anyway.

If your SO isn't comfortable with it, then he isn't. It doesn't mean that he doesn't want to see you or love you. If he has already compromised and does it because it's important to you, then he clearly must care. And I think it would be nice of you to compromise as well and respect and understand his way of thinking too.

[Fast Forward]

I am doing my best. He is a great guy and I try to see his point. This is just one that is hard to get. But it is not like we were fighting over it at all - I just expressed that it made me sad, that is all. I vented here way more than I did to him.