She's still posting on the dating website...

[OliverCroft]

Hey,

So i've been talking to my ldr for about 3 months, around 3 weeks into the relationship I told her that I was deleting my profile on the website since I wouldnt need it anymore, she told me that she isn't deleting her profile but just isn't going to use it anymore.

She's been acting differently lately but I thought it was due to university stress and anxiety. I have a look on her profile on the website today and she made two posts last night.

First post: "Bored"
Second post: "😞"

I was talking to her just before she did these posts and although was giving me one word answers and i could tell she was anxious based on the way she was texting, I still continued to talk to her.

I just wished she would just talk to me if she felt bored or upset about something and not expect strangers on the website to help her instead.

I want to bring it up with her but if i say that i saw her posts, she would know that i've been on the website too.
I love her and its heartbreaking to see that she has been using the website ;'(

Thanks for your help

[80anthea]

I think you need to talk to her and be honest that you're hurt by this. Maybe she is stressed and anxious, has she recently moved to Manchester and is perhaps wanting people to hang out with socially, rather than dating?

[OliverCroft]

I think you need to talk to her and be honest that you're hurt by this. Maybe she is stressed and anxious, has she recently moved to Manchester and is perhaps wanting people to hang out with socially, rather than dating?

I think talking to her is the best idea although she'll know that i've been looking at her profile. She's moved to Leeds from Manchester but is staying with her best friend so i'm so confused and not sure how to approach the situation without ruining everything

[R&R]

Communication and honesty are key in a relationship. She told you she wouldn't be using the profile and she is. You did look at her profile, and you need to be honest about that. Yes, you need to ask her about that and ask her honestly if she wants to be in a relationship.

We may not always get the answers we want when having sincere, honest discussions with our SO's, but relationships aren't always about good times. Yes, sometimes the result is a relationship ending. Other times, it allows people to get everything out in the open and talk through it. Hiding something under the rug doesn't make it disappear - it just hides it for awhile until you move that rug. Eventually, it's going to come out.

[OliverCroft]

Communication and honesty are key in a relationship. She told you she wouldn't be using the profile and she is. You did look at her profile, and you need to be honest about that. Yes, you need to ask her about that and ask her honestly if she wants to be in a relationship.

We may not always get the answers we want when having sincere, honest discussions with our SO's, but relationships aren't always about good times. Yes, sometimes the result is a relationship ending. Other times, it allows people to get everything out in the open and talk through it. Hiding something under the rug doesn't make it disappear - it just hides it for awhile until you move that rug. Eventually, it's going to come out.

I know honesty in key and I always let her know that if she is bored or needs someone to talk to then i'm always here.

I messaged her this morning wishing her a Good Morning and I messaged her two hours ago asking if she's okay but had no reply yet. I'm upset that I might be losing her but i've done nothing wrong.

I'm so stressed out today about all of this....

[R&R]

I know honesty in key and I always let her know that if she is bored or needs someone to talk to then i'm always here.

I messaged her this morning wishing her a Good Morning and I messaged her two hours ago asking if she's okay but had no reply yet. I'm upset that I might be losing her but i've done nothing wrong.

I'm so stressed out today about all of this....

Our SO's can't be our only source of companionship. No, I don't mean dating other people. When I'm bored, I may go hang out with a friend or do something with my daughters. I don't always reach out to my SO - he has things to do too. However, if she is reaching out to people on a dating website, that's a tool utilized to meet people to date and that would concern me.

People aren't always good with confrontation or wanting to have that talk with their SO if they aren't feeling the way the used to or if they think they no longer want to be in a relationship. The other party may have to bring that up. It's a tough conversation but it's better to know than sitting around not knowing and stressing. If she wants the relationship to work, she needs to say so and put effort towards it. If she doesn't, she needs to be honest and tell you.

Every relationship is going to end one of two ways - you stay together or you break up. Dating and getting to know each other helps you decide which way it's going to go. If the person I was dating didn't think our relationship was what they wanted, I always appreciated them being honest and telling me. I never want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I want to be with someone who wants the relationship just as much as I do and are really vested in the relationship and me. Not everyone we date is going to be the right one and we all realize that. It's just hard when you're the one who wants it and they don't. We've all had it happen and survived it too. You will be okay, no matter the outcome.

[Chris516]

Hey,

So i've been talking to my ldr for about 3 months, around 3 weeks into the relationship I told her that I was deleting my profile on the website since I wouldnt need it anymore, she told me that she isn't deleting her profile but just isn't going to use it anymore.

She's been acting differently lately but I thought it was due to university stress and anxiety. I have a look on her profile on the website today and she made two posts last night.

First post: "Bored"
Second post: ""

I was talking to her just before she did these posts and although was giving me one word answers and i could tell she was anxious based on the way she was texting, I still continued to talk to her.

I just wished she would just talk to me if she felt bored or upset about something and not expect strangers on the website to help her instead.

I want to bring it up with her but if i say that i saw her posts, she would know that i've been on the website too.
I love her and its heartbreaking to see that she has been using the website ;'(

Thanks for your help

Communication

[inday101]

Delete this

[inday101]

Same dilemma, sad but I'm still hoping for the best. I need to calm down first because I'm being too emotional.

[Loveyoumore]

So in other words-yall both are still on the website that y'all met eachother off & the other one doesnt know?!?
If you want a serious LDR you BOTH need to delete the profiles together in order to give your relationship a true shot. Im sure from the sounds of your post you arent looking for any type of Open relationship. I highly suggest talking to her ASAP.

[hmrambling]

Same dilemma, sad but I'm still hoping for the best. I need to calm down first because I'm being too emotional.

If your relationship began on 12/16/15 and both of you are still on dating sites, there are some issues going on like communication and honesty. Both of those need to be addressed. I encourage you to look at how honest you have been in the relationship for over a year IF the two of you have discussed and agreed on an exclusive relationship and you are still hiding that you are on dating sites.

[Freebird]

I would absolutely confront her about this. I would be pretty upset at finding my partner on a dating site, and if I were dating this person for a year or more, would seriously question whether I would continue the relationship. But you also need to admit you were on it too. Be honest. If you cannot be upfront and honest about everything, the relationship will suffer.

I, personally, would ask her if she is serious and if she would like the relationship to continue.

[inday101]

It's difficult to tell everything that happened with us. I deleted my profile in December 2015 when i became really into him. We exchanged ily in June 2016. I assumed he deleted his profile. I didn't ask anything. I trusted him. I just made a profile to see if he did chats with other women. He took the bait. Yeah it's difficult and not only is the relationship suffering but also the 2 of us.
Sorry if I can't tell everything here. i can PM.

[erwin1973]

It's difficult to tell everything that happened with us. I deleted my profile in December 2015 when i became really into him. We exchanged ily in June 2016. I assumed he deleted his profile. I didn't ask anything. I trusted him. I just made a profile to see if he did chats with other women. He took the bait. Yeah it's difficult and not only is the relationship suffering but also the 2 of us.
Sorry if I can't tell everything here. i can PM.

I understand you're OP's SO?
If so, I think you really should talk together. Open, honest, and mostly: calm! Good luck