Dealing with temptation when lonely?

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I'm not asking from a sexual point of view, just temptation when it comes to flirting w/other people when you are in a LDR. As I mentioned in my other posts, my bf is a terrible texter, where he can send 5 or less texts in a day. When we vid chat I feel totally fine. There have been times that I haven't heard from him in a whole day and in those times, the loneliness sets in. 2 days before my visit, my friends and I went out to a bar for some girl time. That entire day, he didn't text me at all. I arrived to the bar early and there were 3 people hanging out, a couple and guy (I'm guessing he was single). He started talking to me and wanted to buy me a drink, I didn't want to be rude, but I excused myself when my friends arrived. He was very good looking and that attention felt really good, I feel bad, but I also feel that is the type of attention my bf should be giving me. How do I resist temptation, especially at times where I don't hear from my bf all day? I have never cheated and I don't plan to because I give all my love to that one special person. When I'm w/my bf, I feel amazing, but the times between visits I feel loneliness and doubts. How have you resisted temptation? I'm not going go to places purposely to get hit on or places where I can flirt w/guys, but I know things like this will happen again.

[Chris516]

I'm not asking from a sexual point of view, just temptation when it comes to flirting w/other people when you are in a LDR. As I mentioned in my other posts, my bf is a terrible texter, where he can send 5 or less texts in a day. When we vid chat I feel totally fine. There have been times that I haven't heard from him in a whole day and in those times, the loneliness sets in. 2 days before my visit, my friends and I went out to a bar for some girl time. That entire day, he didn't text me at all. I arrived to the bar early and there were 3 people hanging out, a couple and guy (I'm guessing he was single). He started talking to me and wanted to buy me a drink, I didn't want to be rude, but I excused myself when my friends arrived. He was very good looking and that attention felt really good, I feel bad, but I also feel that is the type of attention my bf should be giving me. How do I resist temptation, especially at times where I don't hear from my bf all day? I have never cheated and I don't plan to because I give all my love to that one special person. When I'm w/my bf, I feel amazing, but the times between visits I feel loneliness and doubts. How have you resisted temptation? I'm not going go to places purposely to get hit on or places where I can flirt w/guys, but I know things like this will happen again.

You don't sound very committed. Otherwise, Temptation wouldn't he an issue.
I am not saying that blindly. I will give you a recent example. I was at a family dinner a couple nights ago. I was sitting next to my step-mother's niece. Now, I will be 50 next year. I sat next to my step-mother's niece. My step-mother's niece was very beautiful. But, I think she was also still in high school. I wasn't disappointed. Because, I only thought of my s/o. Why, Because, marriage or not, that is what commitment is all about. Later, When I talked to my s/o on the phone. I told her about the dinner and that I was only thinking about her and that I wish I could fly out there for Christmas.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

You don't sound very committed. Otherwise, Temptation wouldn't he an issue.
I am not saying that blindly. I will give you a recent example. I was at a family dinner a couple nights ago. I was sitting next to my step-mother's niece. Now, I will be 50 next year. I sat next to my step-mother's niece. My step-mother's niece was very beautiful. But, I think she was also still in high school. I wasn't disappointed. Because, I only thought of my s/o. Why, Because, marriage or not, that is what commitment is all about. Later, When I talked to my s/o on the phone. I told her about the dinner and that I was only thinking about her and that I wish I could fly out there for Christmas.

I am committed and would never stray away from my partner. I really love my bf, otherwise I wouldn't bother making trips down there nor would I date him exclusively, but maybe I don't feel his love for me, idk how to explain it. When I was dating my ex, I only has eyes for him, granted we saw each other all the time, but still. I feel like something is just off because I don't think having these doubts is normal in a happy relationship. I think I have it figured out, although I love my bf, I don't feel fulfilled due to lack of attention. I really don't want to lose him, but I also do not want to be in a half way relationship, where the only time I feel like a gf is when I am physically w/him.

[Rezie]

Interesting question. I really don't see flirting with someone as giving into temptation. It's nice to get attention especially if not specifically looking for it. Some peoole are just naturally flirtier. I don't think there is anything wrong with flirting back as long as you don't do anything more or especially hide that you are taken. There are several levels of flirting so if kept at light banter level then it's just innocent fun.

Edit: saw your other post. I don't think his lack of texting is your problem it's what it represents to you. I can relate to what you are saying. Best advise I can say is that you tell him how you feel and tell him what you want to happen. Then listen what he wants from you and the relationship and see if they add up. I'm still working on this so no idea how it works out 😀

[Honour]

I honestly don't know how to react when someone flirts with me in RL! So I just tend to get all embarrassed, laugh it off, make a joke out of it, respond in kind. Deep down though, my mistrust starts to kick in, especially the heavier I get hit on, until I'll just turn around and say enough is enough. As long as flirting doesn't lead to anything else, there's no harm in some flirty banter.

[R&R]

You and your SO would need to set what you see as guidelines for that. Some couples are okay if their partner flirts, as long as it doesn't lead to anything else. For others, it's off the table completely.

Personally, I don't believe that flirting with someone else when in a commited relationship is respectful to your partner or your relationship. Io didn't see my SO for 16 months and there were times that we didn't have contact every day. I'm a grown woman and can handle it if I don't hear from my SO and will be fine without that attention. My life does not revolve about receiving attention from my SO.

A lot of your posts revolve around lack of communication, not trusting your partner to follow through and lack of attention. Maybe an LDR isn't for you and that's ok. It's not for everyone. Some people need much more contact and communication than others.

[C.C.]

Me and my former SO never set any rules. He just knew everything no when it happened or before it happened.
There was a time when random guys hit me and my girlfriend on and both me and my former SO laughed about it. I also talked to him a lot about my bisexuality and what he'd be okay with and what not. It's all really about trust and honesty.

I personally think that light-weight flirting isn't wrong when in a relationship, I wouldn't do it probably but regardless. What's concerning in your case, though, is that you are tempted to do it because you lack attention from your SO, not because you are "the flirting type" or something similar. I think that thoughts behind actions are important too. Is it really an innocent flirt that you wouldn't give ANY meaning to, or is it you trying to fill in for your SO even if partially?

Also, R&R is right, distance is hard. I couldn't manage it, many couldn't. Yes there are tons of problems that make relationship not work but I sometimes think that if I had been dating my SO cdr, we'd have easier time in certain things. So, ask yourself another question: Is it really the lack of attention, which I think you blame on him, that causes that "off feeling"? Do you ever feel like he doesn't care? Or is it YOU who doesn't feel right no matter what unless she gets a lot of time with her SO? Nothing wrong with it btw, some are like that, some like this. It's just important to find a partner you fit in with in such things.

[kittyxuchiha11]

Everyone above me has excellent advise, i just want to add something here.

I feel like flirting with just the intention of flirting is totally fine, such as if you let the person know you're in a relationship and it can't go anywhere. I'm a naturally flirty person and flirt with people sometimes but i make sure the person i flirt with doesn't get the wrong impression and knows it's just fun and games and for a bit of attention. Trying to flirt with your long distance partner can be hard, for me it's damn impossible because my SO just isn't a flirty person and she's said this many times she can be a tiny bit flirty some times buy it's only the odd comment here and there and it's hard to flirt over text. Honestly, my SO and I are very open about this sort of thing and tell each other if someone has tried to flirt with us and we both just laugh it off because we both have the same thoughts about flirting.
Flirting with someone is about trying to be a bit cheeky and have a little bit of fun and get the attention you need, and i feel that's totally fine as long as you don't lead someone on because obviously that isn't fair on them.
Good luck :3

[differentcountries]

We keep each other in the loop about who we meet and what we do. If I met new people, he knows. If I went to a party, he knows. When I travel, I let him know. He is usually at work most of the time, but it he travelled or met someone, I know - I will see the pics, usually (I follow his work page on Facebook).

Honestly he does not care if I flirt a bit with someone, he does not suspect me of any wrongdoing.

I trust him a lot because he usually meet people all the time and get attention, but he is not that interested.

If you miss to hear from him more, tell him. Even if it is not possible to be in contact more, just talking about it may ease the longing. And make sure to have things to to and to have people around you, including people who gives you attention . We all need attention

[sasad]

I am naturally flirtatious and outgoing. Some people confuse the two. I LIKE talking to people and get to know their story, and lots of people like to talk! My SO knows this and it amuses him to no end. We go looking at houses, and the man living next door to one, comes out, starts chatting, then offers us a beer 10 min later. Its who I am. He calls them my/our adventures.
I so agree with kittyxuchiha11 on this one! Its who I am and who he fell in love with, and he know I am his and wont jeopardize us. He trust me. We trust each other.
--and yes, we communicate

[Chris516]

I am committed and would never stray away from my partner. I really love my bf, otherwise I wouldn't bother making trips down there nor would I date him exclusively, but maybe I don't feel his love for me, idk how to explain it. When I was dating my ex, I only has eyes for him, granted we saw each other all the time, but still. I feel like something is just off because I don't think having these doubts is normal in a happy relationship. I think I have it figured out, although I love my bf, I don't feel fulfilled due to lack of attention. I really don't want to lose him, but I also do not want to be in a half way relationship, where the only time I feel like a gf is when I am physically w/him.

Now, It is almost sounding like you are justifying, giving in to flirting and temptation. For his sake, tell him to find someone that can be more committed.
It also sounds like you want an 'open' relationship. Instead of remaining fully committed in your heart. If you don't stray, then temptation shouldn't be an issue.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Me and my former SO never set any rules. He just knew everything no when it happened or before it happened.
There was a time when random guys hit me and my girlfriend on and both me and my former SO laughed about it. I also talked to him a lot about my bisexuality and what he'd be okay with and what not. It's all really about trust and honesty.

I personally think that light-weight flirting isn't wrong when in a relationship, I wouldn't do it probably but regardless. What's concerning in your case, though, is that you are tempted to do it because you lack attention from your SO, not because you are "the flirting type" or something similar. I think that thoughts behind actions are important too. Is it really an innocent flirt that you wouldn't give ANY meaning to, or is it you trying to fill in for your SO even if partially?

Also, R&R is right, distance is hard. I couldn't manage it, many couldn't. Yes there are tons of problems that make relationship not work but I sometimes think that if I had been dating my SO cdr, we'd have easier time in certain things. So, ask yourself another question: Is it really the lack of attention, which I think you blame on him, that causes that "off feeling"? Do you ever feel like he doesn't care? Or is it YOU who doesn't feel right no matter what unless she gets a lot of time with her SO? Nothing wrong with it btw, some are like that, some like this. It's just important to find a partner you fit in with in such things.

A lot of people have told me how hard a LDR is, but I care for him and want to try it out. The feelings definitely come down to feeling like he doesn't care, idk how to explain it, but I felt the same things about my ex shortly before I ended the relationship, even though we spent a lot of time together. I guess I just don't feel like a priority in life, when he won't text me for one day, but posts stuff on social media. His words do not match his actions, he says he is lucky to have me, yet can go a whole day w/out contacting me, despite not even being busy. Its very hurtful and I am hesitant to pour in more feelings because I refuse to chase him. The texting has improved a little bit and vid chat a little more, but sometimes I wonder why I even try. I have told him how I feel and he is sure not miss vid chatting w/me when he says he will.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Now, It is almost sounding like you are justifying, giving in to flirting and temptation. For his sake, tell him to find someone that can be more committed.
It also sounds like you want an 'open' relationship. Instead of remaining fully committed in your heart. If you don't stray, then temptation shouldn't be an issue.

How did I give into temptation? I only talked to him, I didn't end up bringing home or exchanging phone numbers/social media info, I also did let him buy me a drink cause I knew that wouldn't be fair to my bf. My job requires a lot of people contact, so I'm always friendly w/everyone. Unless the guy is being creepy or lewd, I'm not going to outright ignore him. Why do you automatically assume I'm going to "stray"?

[hmrambling]

You and your SO would need to set what you see as guidelines for that. Some couples are okay if their partner flirts, as long as it doesn't lead to anything else. For others, it's off the table completely.

For the most part we talked about boundaries and deal breakers when 1st started getting serious.

How do I resist temptation, especially at times where I don't hear from my bf all day?

Don't. Don't bother resisting temptation. Go ahead and talk to any guy who buys you a drink because you already have a perfectly good excuse to do so. Your perfectly good excuse is that your boyfriend doesn't contact you as much as you would like and because he hasn't bought the ticket to come see you.

Also remember while you're flirting with the guy at the bar that you are behaving as you would want your boyfriend to behave.

You want your boyfriend to buy drinks for girls at bars, right? Good. Go ahead and keep accepting the drinks from guys.

You want your boyfriend to be flirting with girls in bars, right? Good. Go ahead and keep flirting with guys in bars.

You've already set yourself up for the victim role by justifying getting attention from the guy in the bar. Your justification, "my boyfriend doesn't give me attention, therefore it is okay to get attention from the guy in the bar."

Also, since the two of you already discussed ground rules and deal breakers, I'm sure that you two discussed how it's okay for you to go to bars, accept drinks from guys, and flirt with guys.

Stop bellyaching and being a victim. When your boyfriend goes out, buys other women drinks, and flirts with them, make sure that you're okay with that.

[Rezie]

We all have different rules on what is ok.

For me dancing, talking, flirting is ok. It's also ok if my SO does it with other girls. For some even saying "excuse me" to the opposite sex when you step on their toes is cheating/very much not ok (sorry, lame attempt at humour). There is a difference if you are doing it out of revenge because your SO doesn't give you attention or is it because ou are naturally just flirty. There is also a differnce between looking for the attention constntly or only if you have a bad day. Also the rules have to be the same on both sides. I think you just need more from your SO than he is giving to you. You need to tell him how you feel and listen to his answer and then decide if that is the type of relationship you want. I think this whole flirting thing is just secondary.