Dealing with temptation when lonely?

[Moon]

I kind of think this is being blown way out of proportion. Near where I live is a pizza shop I've been frequenting for at least 15 years. The owner is an absolute hottie, and we've lightly flirted throughout my many years of patronage. Nothing will ever happen, as I most certainly am committed, and he's super hot, but also super married. He throws in babe, hon, sweetheart, all those silly things, and I admittedly adore it. I've no doubt he does this same thing with plenty of his other female customers, but most of us aren't stupid enough to mind. It adds a little bit of brightness to my day, and I walk out of there a bit happier than I went in, does that really mean I'm not committed or looking for an open relationship? That makes me laugh, actually. A few minutes of meaningless, light flirting isn't hurting anyone, it isn't flooding women full of temptation, and people are taking this way too seriously, imho.

If you don't want to flirt, or be flirted with, that's perfectly fine, but don't make people who feel differently than you out to be monsters. There are so many people who are just naturally that friendly that it feels like flirting, so what? I get that the OP is having some LD issues, but that doesn't mean she's trying to jump in anyone else's bed, ffs. We all run into LD issues eventually, and she's asking how to avoid it, she's trying to be a good girl here, so maybe take it down a notch?

[VividMind9]

I know I will not find the perfect person, but on the other hand, I refuse to settle. I'm not trying to change him, I just need to know that he loves me. From what I've experienced from dating, the behavior he shows sometimes usually comes off as being disinterested or lazy in the relationship. I'm not one to text all day, but I have asked him to text me more often and he said he would. He did tell me he needed affirmations in the relationship and so far there seems to be no complaints on his end. I feel as though so many people fall into a trap of loveless or abusive relationships because they reason that the person loves them in a different way, when in actuality they don't do anything at all or use love as a way to hurt someone. From experience I do have expectations because I have been used a lot by other people and I made tons of excuses for them, thinking they actually cared about me, but were busy, when in reality I was just a convenience for them.

Was he always lacking in communication when there was distance from the beginning? You and I are very similar in what we expect communication-wise in a relationship. I found my SO is just wired differently. I'm very detail-oriented, so I make sure to communicate consistently by prioritizing my time, whether that be waking up a little earlier for work, or going to sleep a little later than usual. My SO just kind of goes with the flow of everything, so if one random life event happens, communication proves difficult. It's hard to focus on texting if you're rushing getting ready for work everyday, or trying to catch up on daily errands without knowing which errand to do first. However, we do talk frequently, texting is just sometimes inconsistent, and if the talking element wasn't there I'd feel like it was just a title, not a relationship. You may feel like he is prioritizing every little thing in his life over you, and there's no way to get to the bottom of it, than being upfront. My SO sometimes takes forever just to reply, and I used to think, "It only takes 5 seconds to check-in and acknowledge my existence!" Yet, she just is wired that way, and it's something to work on together, understanding one another. If your SO is like that with texting everyone, meaning if he took forever to reply to friends, family, etc., he just has to adapt to a new form of communicating. Sometimes, changing habits are hard, but just let him know when he doesn't acknowledge you at least once a day, and only when it's convenient, it hurts you. If he doesn't at least attempt to make a change, then he truly does value convenience over changing habits... And that's a red flag. He might not be successful in the change, but if he doesn't make that attempt, he's blatantly letting you know where his priorities lie. That means he's content in his actions, and as long as he's comfortable, everything's okay. That's the definition of a one-sided relationship.

[80anthea]

I sometimes feel that the opposite sex aren't allowed to talk to each other in case it's misinterpreted as flirting which is obviously going to lead to a passionate extra-marrital affair........

I talk to men, I flirt, I go and flutter my eye-lashes figuratively at male colleagues when I need some help, I've also flirted with pizza shop guys and got some free garlic bread from them oh and yes I hired the young fit window-cleaner based entirely on how hot he was. None of this makes me less committed to my SO, he just laughs at me and knows all my shenanigans! It's called being friendly and like Moon says making the world a little brighter.

[Moon]

I sometimes feel that the opposite sex aren't allowed to talk to each other in case it's misinterpreted as flirting which is obviously going to lead to a passionate extra-marrital affair........

I talk to men, I flirt, I go and flutter my eye-lashes figuratively at male colleagues when I need some help, I've also flirted with pizza shop guys and got some free garlic bread from them oh and yes I hired the young fit window-cleaner based entirely on how hot he was. None of this makes me less committed to my SO, he just laughs at me and knows all my shenanigans! It's called being friendly and like Moon says making the world a little brighter.

I just hope he cleaned your windows shirtless...(omg, I'm a home-wreckin' skank!! )

[80anthea]

I just hope he cleaned your windows shirtless...(omg, I'm a home-wreckin' skank!! )

There are a few problems with my hussy plan:
a) it's England and so too bloody cold for shirtless
b) I'm usually at work when he does the windows

[2Rocky]

I found this discussion interesting.

ML and I are both pretty outgoing people. Her summer job was one that involved customer service, and alcohol, and tipping. So there were plenty of veiled and outright approaches she fielded.
She told me about them.

From one 85 year old man telling her if she was a good girl, he'd "add her to his harem." and she replied "What if I'm a BAD girl?"

To the customer that came up behind her and started giving her a back massage and she told him on no uncertain terms not to touch her.

I think early on, her telling me was a test to see how jealous and possessive I was.

My response? "Honey, you are a knock out and of course men are going to flirt with you. I trust you and those guys have great taste."

When she rolled into our next rendezvous with her tip money, what did she buy? A Celtic knot ring she wears on her left ring finger....


Her last flight out, she had a married businessman buy her a drink on the plane even after she tells them she is coming to visit her boyfriend. We always talk about who we sat next to on the plane.

Point is you have to expect that your attractive partner is going to get flirted with. She had fun telling me she caught a flight attendant give me the "Up and Down" stare when we were in the terminal, and then locked eyes with ML, and gave her a nod of approval. I make it a point to be sure she knows the cast of characters I hang out with and who my buddies wives and girlfriends are. Especially when they are showing up in my Facebook feed.

Gotta communicate and be open when asked. Don't hide anything, but don't throw it in their face.

[sasad]

It's about trust..bottom line.. everyone is beautiful to someone.
I get hit on daily as i am in a male dominate field. My SO knows it, i just bow it off unless someone cross a line. 'It's life. We dont make a big deal out of the small stuff and we both know who we want to go home to. Trust and communication. Period.

[80anthea]

I think it's funny that this thread has been brought back up on window-cleaning day and I'm working from home today

[sasad]

I think it's funny that this thread has been brought back up on window-cleaning day and I'm working from home today

Haha. Was hoping for pictures. I think OP not with her guy anymore too?

[80anthea]

Haha. Was hoping for pictures. I think OP not with her guy anymore too?

Sadly I ended up missing him as he came whilst I was running errands. I do have sparkly windows though