Doubting, again..

[littlesunfl0wer]

Doubting, again.

I have been with my long distance boyfriend since September 1st, and I have trust issues. I can't shake this feeling something could be wrong..

I always didn't have trust issues with him. It started a few weeks ago. He would open my messages and not reply for a whole day! Or he would even go two, three days without texting me or letting me what's going on. It's been happening frequently and I let it because I'm giving him his space and I can't control every aspect of his life. Is it normal to go a few days without communication? I'm only asking because he's unemployed & all he does sleep/ play video games for someone his age... Oh and another thing that drives me up the wall is he's actively on Snapchat but can never reply to my texts..?

Right now, he messaged me yesterday but I can't bring myself to text him as I want him to feel the way I do since he knows that I will always come back to him so easily.

Would it be better to leave the relationship or work on the issues presented? To me, it doesn't feel like a relationship just me doing all the imitating..

[sasad]

Again, its yOUR choice and not ours to make. YOU know your limits and what it is you need in a relationship. If you cant work it out and communicate, which seems to be the case here, then let it go. This relationship is too new to be having this type of trust and communications issues. Do you plan to meet up at all?

This is the second or third time you have posted this type of stuff... just curious, how old are you both?--nm I see you are 19..

[littlesunfl0wer]

Again, its yOUR choice and not ours to make. YOU know your limits and what it is you need in a relationship. If you cant work it out and communicate, which seems to be the case here, then let it go. This relationship is too new to be having this type of trust and communications issues. Do you plan to meet up at all?

This is the second or third time you have posted this type of stuff... just curious, how old are you both?--nm I see you are 19..

He's 24. Well I planned on meeting in a year, year and a half from now..

[hmrambling]

Right now, he messaged me yesterday but I can't bring myself to text him as I want him to feel the way I do since he knows that I will always come back to him so easily.

https://www.google.com/search?q=pass...ive+definition

adjective: passive-aggressive

of or denoting a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing important materials.

Regardless if you want to continue the relationship or not, I encourage you to work on your own communication skills. To withhold communication from him as a punishment or penalty is not healthy. It is likely to do more damage to you than it is to him.

If you want more regular contact, you need to say so. Withholding contact from him is not good communication, and is a direct contradiction of what you say you want. Work on your own problem resolution without being passive aggressive.

I used to practice limiting contact as a penalty or punishment and found that it hurt me more than it hurt my partner. It really hurt my past relationships. I encourage you to work on your communication skills and problem resolution.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Doubting, again.

I have been with my long distance boyfriend since September 1st, and I have trust issues. I can't shake this feeling something could be wrong..

I always didn't have trust issues with him. It started a few weeks ago. He would open my messages and not reply for a whole day! Or he would even go two, three days without texting me or letting me what's going on. It's been happening frequently and I let it because I'm giving him his space and I can't control every aspect of his life. Is it normal to go a few days without communication? I'm only asking because he's unemployed & all he does sleep/ play video games for someone his age... Oh and another thing that drives me up the wall is he's actively on Snapchat but can never reply to my texts..?

Right now, he messaged me yesterday but I can't bring myself to text him as I want him to feel the way I do since he knows that I will always come back to him so easily.

Would it be better to leave the relationship or work on the issues presented? To me, it doesn't feel like a relationship just me doing all the imitating..

Tell him this amount of communication is not working for you. I was in the same kind of situation, except my bf has never gone 3 days w/out texting a couple texts. Hinting and asking didn't work, so the other day I told him straight out how much his lack of communication was stressing me out. He was understanding and is doing better, he told me it was outright laziness and I stated I would not put up w/that. To me that amount of communication does not make it a relationship, more like just an acquaintance. If he responds positively, he truly may not have realized how much this is affecting you. If he gets defensive, then I would consider moving on. Don't accuse him or threaten him, tell him that X makes you feel Y.

[sasad]

Tell him this amount of communication is not working for you. I was in the same kind of situation, except my bf has never gone 3 days w/out texting a couple texts. Hinting and asking didn't work, so the other day I told him straight out how much his lack of communication was stressing me out. He was understanding and is doing better, he told me it was outright laziness and I stated I would not put up w/that. To me that amount of communication does not make it a relationship, more like just an acquaintance. If he responds positively, he truly may not have realized how much this is affecting you. If he gets defensive, then I would consider moving on. Don't accuse him or threaten him, tell him that X makes you feel Y.

Actually some people are fine with less contact and enjoy each other more with less. We cannot assume that he feels that way or not so can't apply the acquaintance label to every couple.
And again, the keys are communication and compromise. Moving on if he gets defensive is still kind of a threat. People need to TALK and LISTEN to each other and decide what they can and can't live with. No one is perfect and has the most wonderfully perfect fairytale relationship. There are differences and there will be disagreements, but that is how we learn to resolve conflict. In all our relationships. Your relationship is not even 4 months in. At some point the stars stop shining in their eyes and the bluebirds stop tweeting around his head. That is when the real work starts. This is when you decide if the toilet paper has to unroll from the bottom or is that something you can let go. I just can't stress enough to talk and compromise. Listen and grow together. Be yourself and not the fairytale you. Reality sets in and you need to be able to ride through that.

[Chris516]

OP, My parents' will get annoyed if I haven't read their e-mail/s to me, and not respond the same day.

If it is something that is very important, they have several ways of getting a hold of me.

I grant you that there is a relationship difference between me to my parents', and you to your s/o. But the illustration is that the form of communication may be the problem.