Our LDR came to an end

[Fldancer90]

I've posted quite a bit on this forum and it's been so incredibly helpful during my relationship. I'm so thankful for everyone's support and advice.

On Tuesday evening, My bf ended our relationship. He didn't see a future with me and decided to end it now before going through with spending Christmas with my family.

It was hard to take because every step of our relationship he was doing things that indicated he wanted to be more serious and that he wanted me in his life long term.

It wasn't an easy break up and I have a lot of anger and sadness going on. I'm trying to remind myself that he's not my world and I'm going to be okay.

Any advice from those who were in an LDR that ended?

[Mims27]

I'm sad to hear that.
Unfortunately, LDR's aren't for everyone.
Time to take care of yourself. *hugs*

[Honour]

It sucks now, and hurts like hell, and that's ok. Vent your anger and sadness to people you can talk to, be kind to yourself. I wouldn't look back on the relationship and "autopsy"... but do whatever will help YOU to move on.

[differentcountries]

I am sorry it ended this way. It can feel so unfair and leave questions unanswered.

Depending on your temper, journaling and sports may be ways to release your feelings. For me, when I break up witn an ex, I try to get a new hobby so there is kind of shift of scenery.

[hmrambling]

I suggest you start a relationship autopsy so that you can look at the relationship and make different, better decisions in the future. Part of working on a relationship autopsy is taking time for yourself and not dating immediately. I allowed myself a page for each question but I took more than one page for some answers.



Relationship Autopsy



Make a deal with yourself. Before you decide that you can't be in a relationship again, do a structured "autopsy" on your previous relationships. Maybe you did something early on that contaminated those relationships and sealed their fate without even knowing.



By doing an autopsy, you take the mystery out of the train wreck. An autopsy can help you move forward with a healthy outlook — with ownership of problems that you played a role in creating, and with an awareness of what can be different. Here's how.



Identify what your problems and frustrations were with your relationship.



Write down the problems your partner had with you. Be honest with yourself.



Write down 10 key statements about the pain you still feel and the open wounds you still have. Again, honesty is essential.



You need to reconcile each of the statements you wrote down. Ask yourself: What was my role in each of these? Own what you are responsible for.



What choices did you make that led to the results you got in your last relationship?



You teach people how to treat you. How did you teach your partner to treat you? Did you teach your partner to treat you badly?



What do you have to change to get over your last relationship? How do you need to heal?



What do you want to leave behind from your last relationship? Only when you acknowledge it, can you take the steps to prevent repetition.



You need emotional closure. To get that, you need to figure out what your "minimal effective response" is — the least thing you can do to get the closure. It may be yelling and screaming, writing your thoughts down, or actually talking to your ex. If you need to take steps to feel like you've stood up for yourself, do it.



What were your thoughts about yourself while in the relationship? Was there a pattern to the thoughts?



Where did you spend energy and time in trying to change your partner? How could you have used your time and energy to love yourself?



Where did you change yourself to please your partner?



What needs of yours were not met?



What signals were you sending out?



Where did you ignore your intuition that would have guided you towards love- if you trusted it?



What were the problems and frustrations in your relationship that were a reflection of you? What were the problems and frustrations- that your partner had with you- that were a reflection of you?



What are the pains and open wounds that you currently have from that relationship? What were the open wounds and pains that you brought into that relationship? What were your role and responsibility in having those open wounds/pain?



What were your decisions and behaviors that led to its finality? Where did you see the consequences of those decisions and behaviors in your life now?



How would you describe your true self at the beginning of the relationship? Describe your true self when the relationship ended?



What do you want to change in yourself to heal from your last relationship?



What did the relationship teach you about yourself? What are the lessons learned that will not need to be repeated?

[Chris516]

The ending of a relationship, CD or LDR, that seemingly has a definite future. Is never easy. Do things for yourself. But not anything that you n' did/might have done, together.

[sasad]

Its hard, but better now then after a big move you were contemplating!
Go do stuff you want to do! I even suggest doing things you have done together or planned maybe to create happier memories xo