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4 months into a difficult ldr....

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    4 months into a difficult ldr....

    Hello guys, i really need advice on something...
    This summer i met an amazing guy, he was literally me (same personality) and as incredible as it seems, he was my type. We met in weird circumstances, and he was the one chasing me, i thought it would end in like a summer fling. But he asked for us to try a ldr.
    However, things (as usual) didn't go quite the way i wanted them to go.
    He asked me to be his gf, but i said no because we had just met in a week and i didn't really know him that well. He continued to ask and to say how much he liked me, so i ended up saying yes a couple of days later (at that point he was already in his country again). We would talk non-stop everyday, facetime like 2/3 times a week, until the summer break ended. We stopped texting as much, but we still were lovey dovey and tried to facetime when we could. I got to visit him in november and it was wonderful BUT (a couple of weeks before, I asked him again what we were and this time he answered that he didn't know, that he wanted to make it official when i was there to visit, but we talked there and he was still on that "i don't know what we are" vibe). I said ok, because i really don't need to be his girlfriend, i really like him and being able to talk to him was enough. That was one month ago. Today i was very unsure of where we stand... He parties a lot, like every weekend but i don't mind, because that's just how he is, and i go to a bunch of parties myself. I know he's faithful, i really trust him and because of our pasts i know he (or even me) wouldn't be able to do that to the other person.
    The thing is.. I haven't seen him (or skyped) in a month... Our conversations are not "cute" anymore, just chat and banter which made me feel like i was being friend zoned, because everytime i tried to be cute, it felt like he was "dodging" it. Today i asked him again what we were and he is still unsure about what i mean to him... He says i mean something to him, but he doesn't know what, and that he wants to keep chatting and see where this goes... I feel like we are regressing in our "relationship".. this started out as him chasing me, then us being completely into one another and now we are like this... I really like this guy, and he is genuinely a nice guy, his mom even knows about me and sometimes chats with me on facebook. I know he cares about me, but to what extent? I don't want to be stuck in this indecision of his this whole time... But i really do like him and want this to work... Ugh the distance is killing me, because if i could only speak to him personally... It's stupid the amount of things we have in common and how well we get along! I really want this to work and need advice.. Anyone out there that was in a similar position?
    (ps: my story is being cut reaaaally short, there were things going on these 4 months, but i don't want to make this a long as* thread)

    #2
    Hi,

    it sounds like you are having trouble communicating over the distance and that that relates to you being back and forth on beind "official".

    People are different in the way the keep in touch. For us, we Skype very rarely, in part due to our sceduels and in part because we know each other's daily life very well and dont feel the need to do a lot of "how are you today". He also usually does not live alone, and neighter do it. But if we had wanted it, we could have made it happen. In the beginning we Skyped a lot. I used to be upset about his scedule and how he was not Skyping me, but I am not anymore. I know he is just working.

    I can understand that you are young and maybe shy to make things official. Perhaps you need a few more visits and to get at grip of your communication first.

    Have any of you been in a serious relationship before?

    Do you have plans for the next visit?
    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

    Comment


      #3
      Hi, it's my first ever "real" relationship, and it's his second one, being that in his first he got hurt..
      Since i went there in November, I can't really go again soon, since my parents are very strict and I still live at home. His mom wanted to give him a trip to come here for New Years, but I think he's not coming... So basically we don't know when the next time we'll see each other will be. Probably in August.. But that's so far away! I can't go there until he comes here, since my parents don't know him there's not much I can do about it. I'm trying my hardest to be a good "girlfriend" but it's so hard sometimes... I don't know what to do, I've never been in a situation like this, where finally someone likes me back but we're still apart...

      Comment


        #4
        Then slow down... it sounds like you are not gf/bf and that you really didn't want to be, but now you do? TBH, you are both young, still like to party, and don't seem ready for commitment. Try to be friends first and see where that goes. He is obviously not ready for more from what you have posted.. and you can't force that

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by lost_puppy View Post
          Hello guys, i really need advice on something...
          This summer i met an amazing guy, he was literally me (same personality) and as incredible as it seems, he was my type. We met in weird circumstances, and he was the one chasing me, i thought it would end in like a summer fling. But he asked for us to try a ldr.
          However, things (as usual) didn't go quite the way i wanted them to go.
          He asked me to be his gf, but i said no because we had just met in a week and i didn't really know him that well. He continued to ask and to say how much he liked me, so i ended up saying yes a couple of days later (at that point he was already in his country again). We would talk non-stop everyday, facetime like 2/3 times a week, until the summer break ended. We stopped texting as much, but we still were lovey dovey and tried to facetime when we could. I got to visit him in november and it was wonderful BUT (a couple of weeks before, I asked him again what we were and this time he answered that he didn't know, that he wanted to make it official when i was there to visit, but we talked there and he was still on that "i don't know what we are" vibe). I said ok, because i really don't need to be his girlfriend, i really like him and being able to talk to him was enough. That was one month ago. Today i was very unsure of where we stand... He parties a lot, like every weekend but i don't mind, because that's just how he is, and i go to a bunch of parties myself. I know he's faithful, i really trust him and because of our pasts i know he (or even me) wouldn't be able to do that to the other person.
          The thing is.. I haven't seen him (or skyped) in a month... Our conversations are not "cute" anymore, just chat and banter which made me feel like i was being friend zoned, because everytime i tried to be cute, it felt like he was "dodging" it. Today i asked him again what we were and he is still unsure about what i mean to him... He says i mean something to him, but he doesn't know what, and that he wants to keep chatting and see where this goes... I feel like we are regressing in our "relationship".. this started out as him chasing me, then us being completely into one another and now we are like this... I really like this guy, and he is genuinely a nice guy, his mom even knows about me and sometimes chats with me on facebook. I know he cares about me, but to what extent? I don't want to be stuck in this indecision of his this whole time... But i really do like him and want this to work... Ugh the distance is killing me, because if i could only speak to him personally... It's stupid the amount of things we have in common and how well we get along! I really want this to work and need advice.. Anyone out there that was in a similar position?
          (ps: my story is being cut reaaaally short, there were things going on these 4 months, but i don't want to make this a long as* thread)
          If it was me, and I had been approached by my s/o first. Then they started withdrawing, I would have been mad.

          That very type thing 'basically' happened during the summer. Between my Junior and Senior years in high school. A girl approached me over that summer. I said 'yes'. Three weeks later, I found out I had just been 'temporary', until her 'real' boyfriend was released from the county lockup.

          I know it doesn't seem like much of a correlation.

          But like your s/o. Why the in the world did she bother, if she was going to play with my heartstrings.

          First Visit: September 2016
          Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
          Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

          John 3:16
          For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
          John 4:12
          I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by lost_puppy View Post
            Hi, it's my first ever "real" relationship, and it's his second one, being that in his first he got hurt..
            Since i went there in November, I can't really go again soon, since my parents are very strict and I still live at home. His mom wanted to give him a trip to come here for New Years, but I think he's not coming... So basically we don't know when the next time we'll see each other will be. Probably in August.. But that's so far away! I can't go there until he comes here, since my parents don't know him there's not much I can do about it. I'm trying my hardest to be a good "girlfriend" but it's so hard sometimes... I don't know what to do, I've never been in a situation like this, where finally someone likes me back but we're still apart...
            Can you do something about it? Did he try to Skype with your parents so they can get to know him a bit?

            It is hard knowing there might be a long time until a visit. Have you discussed meeting briefly in another country?

            I can see your are trying to be a responsible daughter. Is it an option to bring one of your parents along, so the parents can talk to each other?
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

            Comment


              #7
              He didn't, and I'm not sure if he would do that, since it's been hard enough for both of us to even skype each other... We haven't discussed that, mainly because I can't really travel alone, and well, meeting him in a different country would be great, but not a reality right now.. Only my mom knows about him, but she can't really go with me soon because of work and stuff..
              I've been very confused in the past few days, I'm not sure if we should continue this ldr... I still like him a lot, but it's just so different from what it was, and I just don't know if we are both committed to this. Right guy, wrong timing I guess.. We just don't communicate enough, at least as much as I wanted to, but I'm too much of a coward to tell him that directly, and I just feel like I can't expect things from him, or demand things from him, since we aren't really anything rn, and it's just not fair to him, and I don't want to pressure him or drive him even further from me... Ugh I'm just very lost, I have all these thoughts and opinions �� I really needed to let them out somehow..

              Comment


                #8
                for anyone that's interested, we broke up, but we're staying friends. It was a good breakup, no hard feelings and we just accepted that it wouldn't work out right now. Thank you for everyone's replies, they helped me think about what I should do about it, and I'm very relieved now that I talked about it with him

                Comment


                  #9
                  As hard as it is, at least you now know where you stand. Glad that there are no hard feelings x


                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by lost_puppy View Post
                    for anyone that's interested, we broke up, but we're staying friends. It was a good breakup, no hard feelings and we just accepted that it wouldn't work out right now. Thank you for everyone's replies, they helped me think about what I should do about it, and I'm very relieved now that I talked about it with him
                    Very Good!! Take it easy and enjoy life

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by lost_puppy View Post
                      for anyone that's interested, we broke up, but we're staying friends. It was a good breakup, no hard feelings and we just accepted that it wouldn't work out right now. Thank you for everyone's replies, they helped me think about what I should do about it, and I'm very relieved now that I talked about it with him
                      That is great to hear!!!

                      First Visit: September 2016
                      Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
                      Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

                      John 3:16
                      For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
                      John 4:12
                      I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

                      Comment

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