First LDR

[O.M.K]

This is my very first post. I rarely ever seek out help, especially from strangers, but who better to ask but the experienced.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 1 year now. Although that may not seem like a lot we have gone through so much together it hardly even seems like just 1 year. We are recent graduates from high school about to finish off our first semester of college. I chose to stay local to finishing pre req for a nursing program, while he chose to move away (way before I had met him) to SFSU in Daly City CA. The distance may not be as far away as other LDR's, but it is still a huge change. I've gone from seeing him everyday to hardly seeing him at all. Some weekends he is able to bart (1 hour bart) over and stay for a few days, sometimes (like now) I have to wait a month maybe 2. I am able to visit with him and his family SOMETIMES not a lot, for the holidays. It's really hard for me to be apart. He says he feels the same yet it does not affect him as much because he is dorming and has made plenty of friends, meanwhile I only have 2 close friends in the area whom I don't get to see as much. Lately the loneliness and depression has been hitting me big time and it is hard to keep distracted, I can't even enjoy the things I used to love to do. I have talked to him about it many times but there is not much for him to do. he does the most already by visiting anytime he doesn't have school work holding him back. Previously, once I had decided on registering for a program in daly city (CCSF REGISTERED NURSING) he came up with the idea to share a living space. He said I wouldn't pay rent all alone and he wouldn't have to pay the big amounts of $ for a dorming room. After I have finished my 2 years here (around 2018) the plan will take action. FOR NOW the real problem for me is dealing with all this loneliness and depression. He seems to be getting tired of my attitude towards it. He always tells me "Babe it hurts to be away for me too, but we have to deal with this for now. If we cant our relationship wont last and I don't want that. You need to accept it and find something to keep you busy." I agree with him but at the same time it's so hard for me to keep my mind off of it and I don't want my constant bugging of him that I am lonely without him, to be the end of us. Any advice on how to deal with the loneliness and depression that comes with an LDR? Thank You.

[sasad]

Yes, what he said.. you are going to wear and tear him down if you keep this up.
Do what he and everyone else here will tell you...put on your. Big girl pants. He is not your life, rather a part of it that enhances it. Go see your friends, or make new ones. Find hobbies. Do stuff and get out.
33 miles is nothing. Plan visits etc

[Littlewhiteflower]

I agree than 33 miles aren't a lot. Some of us are 2000-3000 miles away and can only see our partner a couple of times a year (in my case twice a year). It's hard at first but you'll get used to it.

I'm not saying you don't have the right to feel this way. You can, but you have to realize it could be worse and you are the one that can change the way you see things and the way you see your relationship and distance. You're the only one that can do that. Your SO can tell you 1000 times its alright, it won't change anything. You have to accept it. Give you time but all these thoughts are in your head and you're the one that has control over them you can work on that and make them more positive. It takes time, energy, but it's not impossible.

Just try to skype, phone calls, texts as much as you can. Enjoy your time together when you are both together but accept the fact you're both away. Tell you he is away but that it won't be forever like that.

As I repeat often, you were fine before you were with him, you'll be fine without him if it doesn't work. So don't be depressed. You're with him. He loves you. You love him. Everything's fine

Go out with your friends or family, make new friends too. Surround yourself with people, find a job, find a hobby, get busy you'll have plenty of things to talk about with your SO if you get busy. Plus if you get a job, you can save money, buy a car and visit him more often
I know it's hard but it's just how life is. I have some friends who lives 2 h away in car from their boyfriend and don't even consider it long distances. They talk to each other every day and visit as much as possible.
Plus, there are lot of good sides about being only 33 miles apart. It doesn't cost you 700$ every time you need to visit. Try to see the good sides of your relationships. It will help a lot with loneliness and it will help with depression. Your SO is NOT all your life there are plenty of other things around you. I used to be like you too and with time and work, you can go out of this mental negative state.
It's possible, believe me.