Good news, but friend drama?

[NewToLongDistance2016]

So this isn't a LDR question, its a general one. My bf is coming out and I am absolutely ecstatic! The problem is my best friend informed me that she isn't comfortable meeting him, even though she hasn't had a single second of interaction w/him. He has done absolutely nothing to her. They do have differing opinions and outlooks on life. She got offended by something he posted on his own page, not on her page or aimed at anyone in particular. I am having a get together soon and inviting my friends, of course my bf will be there. My friend may not even come out just because of my bf. I'm not forcing her to be friends or to hang out w/him (most of his trip will consist of our alone time). I don't want to have to choose and now I will feel very uncomfortable hanging out w/my friend because of the way she thinks. Have you ever had friends dislike your SO?

[Chris516]

So this isn't a LDR question, its a general one. My bf is coming out and I am absolutely ecstatic! The problem is my best friend informed me that she isn't comfortable meeting him, even though she hasn't had a single second of interaction w/him. He has done absolutely nothing to her. They do have differing opinions and outlooks on life. She got offended by something he posted on his own page, not on her page or aimed at anyone in particular. I am having a get together soon and inviting my friends, of course my bf will be there. My friend may not even come out just because of my bf. I'm not forcing her to be friends or to hang out w/him (most of his trip will consist of our alone time). I don't want to have to choose and now I will feel very uncomfortable hanging out w/my friend because of the way she thinks. Have you ever had friends dislike your SO?

I am slightly confused by what you said.

Are both, your boyfriend, and your best friend 'coming out'? Or are you referring to it, as in going somewhere?

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I am slightly confused by what you said.

Are both, your boyfriend, and your best friend 'coming out'? Or are you referring to it, as in going somewhere?

My friend lives here, just that I invited her to a party at my place and my bf will be there (he is visiting).

[xxcazaxx]

Sounds very childlike of your friend. Do you think that they are jealous?

[R&R]

Not everyone is going to like your SO. In fact, I struggle with my best friends husband. He cheated, she forgave him, I didn't. He doesn't like me either because I pretty much threatened him when he came back that he'd better not ever do that again. Even so, we are polite to each other because we both love her. You don't have to like someone in order to be in the same place with them for a few hours to make the mutual person happy.

However, if she doesn't want to come, let her stay home. It's her loss to hang out with everyone. If she's that upset over one thing, well she has some growing up to do.

[hmrambling]

I really don't think it's drama unless you entertain the drama. So what if she doesn't want to go to the party. Also, if you choose to not hang out with someone who is supposedly your best friend, that is entirely on you. She can choose to disagree with your boyfriend if she wants. Everyone involved has their own self will.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Not everyone is going to like your SO. In fact, I struggle with my best friends husband. He cheated, she forgave him, I didn't. He doesn't like me either because I pretty much threatened him when he came back that he'd better not ever do that again. Even so, we are polite to each other because we both love her. You don't have to like someone in order to be in the same place with them for a few hours to make the mutual person happy.

However, if she doesn't want to come, let her stay home. It's her loss to hang out with everyone. If she's that upset over one thing, well she has some growing up to do.

Exactly my reasoning, she won't have to see him for long. I will invite her to the party and it will be her choice. I cannot wait for my bf to arrive and I know those days when he is here will be amazing.

[Chris516]

My friend lives here, just that I invited her to a party at my place and my bf will be there (he is visiting).

LOL(laughing at myself) I saw the words 'coming out', and I was thinking it was more than just visit. Silly me. I will go bury my head in the dirt.

[Chris516]

Not everyone is going to like your SO. In fact, I struggle with my best friends husband. He cheated, she forgave him, I didn't. He doesn't like me either because I pretty much threatened him when he came back that he'd better not ever do that again. Even so, we are polite to each other because we both love her. You don't have to like someone in order to be in the same place with them for a few hours to make the mutual person happy.

While I agree with you that two people(not two people in a relationship) can be in the same room/at the same party, and not feel the need to communicate with one another.

In reference to your best friends' husband. There is a phrase, that I am sure you have heard of, 'to err is human, to forgive divine'. That doesn't justify what your best friend's husband did. But that no one is perfect. If he had cheated on her sexually, it would be very hard for even me to forgive that. But if he cheated in some other way. Only her forgiveness matters, and she has forgiven her husband. Leave your inability to forgive her husband, by the side of the road. If she changes her mind and wants to leave him. Don't start with 'I told you so'.

However, if she doesn't want to come, let her stay home. It's her loss to hang out with everyone. If she's that upset over one thing, well she has some growing up to do.

This I totally agree with.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

LOL(laughing at myself) I saw the words 'coming out', and I was thinking it was more than just visit. Silly me. I will go bury my head in the dirt.

Totally fine , I should have been more clear.

[Chris516]

Totally fine , I should have been more clear.

You were fine. When I started thinking they were 'coming out' and it happening at the same time. I should have said to myself, 'Hey!! Wait a minute!! They are just going be at the same party!!! There is nothing else about it!!!'.

Sorry for my confusion.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I really don't think it's drama unless you entertain the drama. So what if she doesn't want to go to the party. Also, if you choose to not hang out with someone who is supposedly your best friend, that is entirely on you. She can choose to disagree with your boyfriend if she wants. Everyone involved has their own self will.

I just don't want to make a mistake, I've heard that if your friends/family don't like your SO, they may have unbiased insight. Then again she hasn't met him and cannot make judgement just by what she saw online.

[differentcountries]

MY SOs BFF (yes, he has one) does not like me either. In the beginning, she kept asking SO when he was going to break up with me.... I felt her disliking me very strongly and I had bad dreams because of it. I think that time and effort has eased things somewhat, it probably also helps that her mum likes me so much. And they met for the first time in Norway because of me, which she liked. His BFF seems to accept that I am his life partner. In time, I have learned more about her and I start to see a little bit more where she is coming from. She is married to a Turk herself and experienced very strongly that people thought she was "bying" her guy - she used to be very overweight. So she is picking on me, like people used to pick on her. But I never used anything she did against her - in fact SO has been the more agressive towards her. And I have come to respect that she has a sister-like role in SOs life and that while she has been not so nice to be in the beginning, she has a real (platonic) love for my SO and she was polite enough to let us use her bedroom when we stayed there. I cant dislike people who like my SO so much, I just can't. So I just try to learn everything I can about her and wish her a happy life. I think she is a nice person overall and I can see why SO likes her, even if she will probably never be my close friend, I can respect their bond.

What is it he wrote that she was so upset about? Did she think it was racist, sexist or judgemental to some other group, or do they disagree on politics?

If it was my friend, I would tell her: I would meet anyone you dated, so I would appreciate it if you met my man too. It is generally easy to dislike people online, because you don't see their "tone". I have disliked people online that I liked the moment I met them live. After you have met him, you are free to pass whatever judgement you like, and then I will take it more seriously because you actually met the guy. I will invite you to the party, he will be there and then it is up to you if you want to come or not.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

MY SOs BFF (yes, he has one) does not like me either. In the beginning, she kept asking SO when he was going to break up with me.... I felt her disliking me very strongly and I had bad dreams because of it. I think that time and effort has eased things somewhat, it probably also helps that her mum likes me so much. And they met for the first time in Norway because of me, which she liked. His BFF seems to accept that I am his life partner. In time, I have learned more about her and I start to see a little bit more where she is coming from. She is married to a Turk herself and experienced very strongly that people thought she was "bying" her guy - she used to be very overweight. So she is picking on me, like people used to pick on her. But I never used anything she did against her - in fact SO has been the more agressive towards her. And I have come to respect that she has a sister-like role in SOs life and that while she has been not so nice to be in the beginning, she has a real (platonic) love for my SO and she was polite enough to let us use her bedroom when we stayed there. I cant dislike people who like my SO so much, I just can't. So I just try to learn everything I can about her and wish her a happy life. I think she is a nice person overall and I can see why SO likes her, even if she will probably never be my close friend, I can respect their bond.

What is it he wrote that she was so upset about? Did she think it was racist, sexist or judgemental to some other group, or do they disagree on politics?

If it was my friend, I would tell her: I would meet anyone you dated, so I would appreciate it if you met my man too. It is generally easy to dislike people online, because you don't see their "tone". I have disliked people online that I liked the moment I met them live. After you have met him, you are free to pass whatever judgement you like, and then I will take it more seriously because you actually met the guy. I will invite you to the party, he will be there and then it is up to you if you want to come or not.

Even more development, I think this the end of my friendship. Yes her not coming was definitely a blow, but what else she did, I am pissed. She told our mutual friends about him and now they are "concerned" even though for the most part, my dating life has been separate. I think this violates trust and friendship as she is going behind my bf's and I back, saying stuff about him, even though she really doesn't know who he is.

[hmrambling]

I am having a get together soon and inviting my friends, of course my bf will be there.

She told our mutual friends about him and now they are "concerned" even though for the most part, my dating life has been separate.

Be a grown up and allow your grown up friends to formulate their own opinions. You can choose to ditch the friend if you want. You can choose to feed into the drama if you want. Or you can chill out and allow people to formulate their own opinions.