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Lost my LD girlfriend due to neediness/clinginess, what do I do?

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    #16
    Originally posted by pectoralismajoris View Post
    I know you guys are saying let it go, but can anyone tell me if they think she'll come back? I'm trying to move on, even posting stuff on snapchat to pretend i've moved on, but do you think she'll eventually come back...
    This question has no answer any of us know AND MAINLY you should never ever base your life on whether there is a chance for her to come back or not. That's ultimate recipe to your downfall.
    Focus on what is now: you are no longer together and there's only one way to act: move on with your own life. Your life is more important than the abstract chance of her coming back or the relationship that's already in the past. If something's bound to happen, it will happen either way, I believe, even if you have moved on. And if it doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to be.
    Either way, it's not neither in your power nor knowledge to predict what happens in your future. However it is in your power to take hold of your present and turn it into the right direction.

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      #17
      Originally posted by pectoralismajoris View Post
      I know you guys are saying let it go, but can anyone tell me if they think she'll come back? I'm trying to move on, even posting stuff on snapchat to pretend i've moved on, but do you think she'll eventually come back...
      And I bet you are posting things for her to see???
      Please stop for your own sanity.
      No one here on this earth knows if she will come back, but keep trying to get into her life, and that may lead to you being the creepy ex.. just sayin..

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        #18
        You are about the same age as my daughters (almost 22 & 21). If my daughters came to me with this drama, this is what I would tell them:

        "Is this how you were taught to behave? You know the rule - 24 hours to mope, cry, be upset and then you move on. Quit acting like a 12 year old. You want to be treated as an adult and you say you are an adult - then act like an adult. It's over and done. Respect the break up. Believe it not, everything doesn't revolve around your wants and "needs". Other people have a say when it comes to a relationship and that say was it's over. Now suck it up, Buttercup. I expect the drama to stop and for you to start focusing on all the other aspects of your life."

        Too harsh? Nope. Because in real life you don't always get what you want and you may not get to be with who you want to be with. So coddling and "poor, poor baby" doesn't work. I have two daughters who are very mature and have been through breakups and handled them with grace and maturity. It comes from them expecting reality and not a fairytale.
        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

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          #19
          Originally posted by pectoralismajoris View Post
          I know you guys are saying let it go, but can anyone tell me if they think she'll come back? I'm trying to move on, even posting stuff on snapchat to pretend i've moved on, but do you think she'll eventually come back...
          I dont think she will come back, no. I dont think you should wait for her.

          I know it probably hurts like a million trucks just hit you, and that it might take some time before it sinks it. Last time I was dumped, it took me quite a while to really really accept it. It least a few months. But I told my journal - not my ex, not my friends. I allowed myself to cry and feel the pain, but I also took steps in my life to move on. I went out with my friends and I started new hobbies (that slowly made me into a different person than the version of me that was dating my ex).
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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            #20
            Originally posted by C.C. View Post
            Do you realise that "you don't know me" is usually an emotional response when someone is either hurt (by something you did) and feeling misunderstood or is under external emotional stress.
            It annoys me as well when someone says it, it feels like them disregarding all your efforts and stuff. And sometimes I feel like it's a bitter response too.
            But stopping to talk for a year? Someone being in wrong for saying it? Come on.
            UGH! I lost my original reply.

            It is an emotional response when someone has been hurt by something the other person did(or didn't) do. In her case, I knew she was saying it. Not in absolute disgust. But because I haven't given up on her, or treated her, like others have.

            Her late fiance is the first example. She is Canadian, presently living in British Columbia(and back in 2003 when they became a couple and he was American, stationed at For Lewis(part of Joint Base Lewis-McChord) in Washington state. He was a 2nd Lt. in the U.S. Army. He was killed during in Fallujah(Iraq) back in 2004. Prior to his third deployment to Iraq, he had told her that he wanted to break up, but wouldn't tell her why. She contacted me and told me what he did. I brow beat her to tell me his contact info. I finally got her to tell me. When I got a hold of him. He justifiably was upset about her doing that, but I told him who I was and why I contacted him. I finally got him to calm down, and tell me. What he didn't tell her. He had a 'premonition', that he wouldn't make it through his third deployment. I told him, that I would tell her. He quibbled with me about that, and said he would tell her. I was elated that he would tell her the reason.

            While I was being bull-headed in my approach(and I know some would say it was none of my business). The ultimate goal of getting him to tell her why, was achieved.

            Sadly, His 'premonition' came true. It affected me so much that, I bought a bracelet engraved with his date-of-death. Also his rank, unit, company, battalion, and corps.

            In 2012, she was engaged again, and almost died due to a toxic pregnancy. During the time she was in a coma for six weeks, I told her (ex)fiance about the way she was sometimes. But I also told him. If he wanted to marry her, he would have to learn to accept her behavior. He eventually told her, that he didn't want her to have any kind of contact with any other man, ever. That is when she broke it off with him.

            The running thread in those two situations is, sticking by someone. Through 'thick and thin'. That is just in terms of friends. It can also be applied to romantic relationships.

            First Visit: September 2016
            Second Visit: January 2017 (Her birthday)
            Third Visit: June 2018 (medical conference near her home)

            John 3:16
            For God so loved the world. That he gave his only begotten son. For whosoever believeth in him. Shall not perish but have eternal life
            John 4:12
            I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

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