Facebook is Making Me Crazy

[SugarBooger]

My boyfriend is very popular on Facebook. Ladies love him but he's building a business so he has a big fan base. I know he loves me. But I'm so sick and tired of him not answering my texts but being active on Facebook. I feel second to Facebook. I feel so unimportant. I see him active on it constantly. Like just now, he's cooking Christmas dinner so I didn't expect to speak to him much today but he's commenting on fb and I am seeing it. I'm trying not to be a nag but this is making me feel extremely insecure and my
Mind is wandering. I hate Facebook. I wish he would just delete it.

[R&R]

My boyfriend is very popular on Facebook. Ladies love him but he's building a business so he has a big fan base. I know he loves me. But I'm so sick and tired of him not answering my texts but being active on Facebook. I feel second to Facebook. I feel so unimportant. I see him active on it constantly. Like just now, he's cooking Christmas dinner so I didn't expect to speak to him much today but he's commenting on fb and I am seeing it. I'm trying not to be a nag but this is making me feel extremely insecure and my
Mind is wandering. I hate Facebook. I wish he would just delete it.

He's starting a business. Per Forbes, 90% of new businesses fail. He needs to put time, dedication and effort into this business to make it successful and sustaining. I'm not saying you're not important, but building his business and clientele, even on Christmas, can be critical to making this succeed. Before Facebook, there were other ways of contact. However, the reality in today's world is you must establish a social media presence to help you promote and expand your business. This is beneficial to the future of you both, if you stay together.

Insecurity and jealousy are sure ways to see a relationship end. You are the one who controls your emotions and your perspective. You can't blame Facebook for your insecurity and where your mind goes. Each person is responsible for only themselves, so you have to find the way that will work for you to get past this. Nagging him and just wishing he would get rid of FB are not the answer.

[SugarBooger]

I absolutely understand that but he's online and women constantly flirt with him I realize my perspective is off but he tells me he's busy doing something and then I see him online. I feel so unbelievably neglected. I mean don't get me
Wrong I have my own life but I'm in a relationship so attention should be given to both parties.

[R&R]

Then you have 3 choices:

*Stay in the relationship understanding this is how it is right now.
*End the relationship now and find someone who can give you the same attention you give them.
*Explain to your SO one last time how you feel AND bring actual solutions to the table. (Such as, I would like 15 minutes of your undivided attention each day/ Not just, I want more attention.) If he agrees and it works, great. If he doesn't, you can end it.

A relationship ebbs and flows where there are times when one partner can give more than the other. If you are expecting someone to be your mirror image, honestly, that's going to be hard to find.

[SugarBooger]

You're right. I forget about the ebbing and flowing. Sometimes I'm not available. Maybe I just miss him. Thank you for the perspective

[Chris516]

My boyfriend is very popular on Facebook. Ladies love him but he's building a business so he has a big fan base. I know he loves me. But I'm so sick and tired of him not answering my texts but being active on Facebook. I feel second to Facebook. I feel so unimportant. I see him active on it constantly. Like just now, he's cooking Christmas dinner so I didn't expect to speak to him much today but he's commenting on fb and I am seeing it. I'm trying not to be a nag but this is making me feel extremely insecure and my
Mind is wandering. I hate Facebook. I wish he would just delete it.

How often do you text him?

Regardless of my question, I hate Facebook too.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Talk to him about it once and see what happens. I was having the same issue (there are several posts on here), my SO is terrible at texting. I thought I could handle it, but I couldn't. Eventually I couldn't hold in my feelings anymore and told him how I really felt. He sympathized and actually came up w/a solution, we now exclusively talk through online messaging. This have greatly improved communication between us and I feel like he is more invested.

Expressing your feelings can eventually make or break your relationship. I got so sick and tired of telling my ex the way I felt over and over, they would improve for a couple days/a week, then go back to the same thing. I left cause I knew this would be my life if I chose to stay w/him. Keep that in mind, if he truly cares for you, he will make an effort, if not you will just get more and more frustrated.

[Redheart14]

I think R&R has some great advice

[Chris516]

A relationship ebbs and flows where there are times when one partner can give more than the other. If you are expecting someone to be your mirror image, honestly, that's going to be hard to find.

OP, My s/o is definitely not a mirror image of me. I am glad she isn't. She is her own person. Also, There is no 'rulebook' to how much each person should contribute to the relationship. Like R&R said above. It ebbs and flows. No one is perfect. But within that imperfectness, accepting the other person. Regardless of any supposed negatives. Your s/o should do the same with you. Accept you regardless.

[differentcountries]

My SO is not starting up a business, but he is transitioning to a new career/a new direction in his career that means he has a lot more responsibility. He works a lot and most of the time his shifts are opposite mine. When his shifts end I often get a "work was busy and now I am so tired" text. There is not a great window to keep in touch when we are apart, and frankly we dont know what to do about it, except be slightly more in touch on weekends when I dont work (he still works). I sometimes see him be online, like on Facebook, without getting in touch with me. The problem is, we dont work well together when we are tired. I know his job drains him mentally at times. Online he gets to relax. Sometimes his work continues in that he greets women who are his custumers, including women.

Am I sometimes envious, even slightly jealous when I feel neglected and I see him greeting attractive women? Sure. But being friendly is part of his job. We have discussed that we both use FB actively for work. None of us like a lot of verbal expressions of love for others to see. He also keeps in touch with his friends, of some who are women. If I wont want to see him be friendly to people online I log off, and do something else, like watch a movie by myself. My SO has told me that one of the best things about me is my ability to self-entertain - I am never bored. If I feel lonely, I have friend and family (and my husband).

Sometimes, if I get sick of him being online without contacting me, I just send him a quick text: "Hi love, hope you are enjoying yourself, see you tomorrow". It lets me know I think about him and that I expect him to think about me, without being pushy. Sometimes, if our contact is unstable, I might add "I miss you". I will not ask him to contact me, because he knows best if he has the time or/and energy. At times I am very occupied with what I am doing and I will forget about waiting for him/contacting him - if I am working late myself, working out, seeing friends etc. I have told him in the past that we have to take into account that his job "binds" him more, and I will adjust, but I will not sit around to wait on him whenever - I might not be around and practically I am often asleep when he finishes his work (this happened more often before they got rid of winter time). I am looking forward to him building his career so that he is more in charge of his shifts, but I know that he business he is in, you have to put in the hours.

As for him commenting on Facebook while cooking Christmas dinner, I am thinking he was just paying attention to his friends and family during the holidays.

For us, we dont use Facebook or texts much, we use 90 % the Viber app. I use it mainly with SO and my husband, so when I am on there they get my full attention.

[R&R]

OP, My s/o is definitely not a mirror image of me. I am glad she isn't. She is her own person. Also, There is no 'rulebook' to how much each person should contribute to the relationship. Like R&R said above. It ebbs and flows. No one is perfect. But within that imperfectness, accepting the other person. Regardless of any supposed negatives. Your s/o should do the same with you. Accept you regardless.

The OP never stated her SO didn't accept her. In fact, she stated that she knows he loves her. She just doesn't like how much time he spends paying attention to his clientele over her.