Long distance break up!

[Unicornstar7]

Hey ... this is my first time posting here and I'm heart broken. I've been in a ldr for 6 months starting from may. There were many good moments and we were so in love 😞. But starting from June my guy started having doubts ... about having a plan for this to work, his insecurities, etc. with his doubts came arguments.. and many times he distanced himself from me bc of his doubts. He's from England and I'm from South Africa. It's very far away I know but I love him so much that I want this to work more than anything. He has broken up with me in November and told me he can no longer be committed to something that may not work out. He said it's like being in love with someone on another planet. He told me also he doesn't have any hope left in this and that I should just move on 😒 TBH I cannot as I'm still in love with him and I still want this to work. He has removed himself completely as in he doesn't message me or like my posts on social media as he used to do. It makes me so sad and upset, every morning I feel this emptiness within me and it's hard to wake up at times. I look at my phone and there's no messages from him .. nothing! We used to be so close and it hurts me bc I cannot let go! We have not even met yet and he just threw it all away bc he feels this is too big for him to be capable of doing and that I'm in another country. Yet for 6 months he had been loving me and telling me he can't wait to meet me etc. I feel disappointed, upset and terrible sad. I keep looking at his profile, looking at our old messages and videos he had sent me before andnjust trying to relive those precious moments. I can't help but think what went wrong? I mean it's only been 6 months but I felt such a strong connection to him that I cannot believe he would let this go like that. I asked him if theres anyone else? And he said no there isn't. But he keeps telling me I deserve better and that I should try to move on but that's not what I want. How do I get him back? I love him more than anything!

[R&R]

Hey ... this is my first time posting here and I'm heart broken. I've been in a ldr for 6 months starting from may. There were many good moments and we were so in love ��. But starting from June my guy started having doubts ... about having a plan for this to work, his insecurities, etc. with his doubts came arguments.. and many times he distanced himself from me bc of his doubts. He's from England and I'm from South Africa. It's very far away I know but I love him so much that I want this to work more than anything. He has broken up with me in November and told me he can no longer be committed to something that may not work out. He said it's like being in love with someone on another planet. He told me also he doesn't have any hope left in this and that I should just move on �� TBH I cannot as I'm still in love with him and I still want this to work. He has removed himself completely as in he doesn't message me or like my posts on social media as he used to do. It makes me so sad and upset, every morning I feel this emptiness within me and it's hard to wake up at times. I look at my phone and there's no messages from him .. nothing! We used to be so close and it hurts me bc I cannot let go! We have not even met yet and he just threw it all away bc he feels this is too big for him to be capable of doing and that I'm in another country. Yet for 6 months he had been loving me and telling me he can't wait to meet me etc. I feel disappointed, upset and terrible sad. I keep looking at his profile, looking at our old messages and videos he had sent me before andnjust trying to relive those precious moments. I can't help but think what went wrong? I mean it's only been 6 months but I felt such a strong connection to him that I cannot believe he would let this go like that. I asked him if theres anyone else? And he said no there isn't. But he keeps telling me I deserve better and that I should try to move on but that's not what I want. How do I get him back? I love him more than anything!

Unfortunately, when a relationship ends there is usually one party that struggles to accept that's it's over. He has been clear with you that he can not handle an LDR. You need to respect his decision, even if you don't agree or like it. I have bolded all of your "I" statements. It takes two to make a relationship work and he obviously has decided it's not what he wants - so "I" can not make it work all on your own.

I see that you have listed that you are 30 years old. Though it hurts when a relationship ends, you are old enough to understand that we don't always get what we want in life and there are times that we have to let go when we don't want to. It may be time to end contact for awhile to allow you the time you need to move forward with your life. Remove yourself from his social medai, no more texting or chatting. You aren't goint to move forward if you don't remove yourself from the situation.

[xxcazaxx]

Sorry to hear that it didn't work out.

This is going to sound awful, but I think by removing himself completely that he is helping your healing in the long run. I have been in that situation, but with a guy that I dated for 10 years (and even lived with up until a year before we split). I hated it when he wouldn't answer my calls, but in hindsight feel that it helped in the long run.

Take time to really look after yourself and spoil yourself when you can.

[Chris516]

Unfortunately, when a relationship ends there is usually one party that struggles to accept that's it's over. He has been clear with you that he can not handle an LDR. You need to respect his decision, even if you don't agree or like it. I have bolded all of your "I" statements. It takes two to make a relationship work and he obviously has decided it's not what he wants - so "I" can not make it work all on your own.

I see that you have listed that you are 30 years old. Though it hurts when a relationship ends, you are old enough to understand that we don't always get what we want in life and there are times that we have to let go when we don't want to. It may be time to end contact for awhile to allow you the time you need to move forward with your life. Remove yourself from his social medai, no more texting or chatting. You aren't going to move forward if you don't remove yourself from the situation.

OP, While am quoting R&R. I am doing it in total agreement with what they said.

But I would also like to add, that he made an emotional commitment to you. Now he has broken that commitment. Yet, He didn't cheat on you.

Is this his first LDR?

[Unicornstar7]

Yes it's his first long distance relationship and he has also only been in 1 relationship in his life :/ a normal one. I still feel very emotionally attached to him and can't seem to figure out why he is so insensitive with his replies to me now. He's become very cold and distant with me and to me he's done with even trying anymore. But during the 6 months he gave me love and hope and now for all of it to fall away is really just a shock and hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. In the beginning I kept my guard up and didn't let him in until I felt I could trust him and the way he showed me he loved me felt very sincere and now he's changed so fast .

[Rezie]

Yes it's his first long distance relationship and he has also only been in 1 relationship in his life :/ a normal one. I still feel very emotionally attached to him and can't seem to figure out why he is so insensitive with his replies to me now. He's become very cold and distant with me and to me he's done with even trying anymore. But during the 6 months he gave me love and hope and now for all of it to fall away is really just a shock and hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. In the beginning I kept my guard up and didn't let him in until I felt I could trust him and the way he showed me he loved me felt very sincere and now he's changed so fast .

You shouldn't be messaging him anymore. Break ups hurt and suck. He is propably cold and distant because you are not together anymore. I'm sure he is hurting aswell. Replying all sweet and nice would give false home for you both and that wouldn't serve anyone.

[Unicornstar7]

But I love him and want this to work. He told me maybe1 day we could try again but that feels very uncertain since we live in 2 different countries. It's upsetting bc I promised myself never to open my heart to anyone and then he came along and honestly I felt such a strong connection with him and I know him too.

[Rezie]

But I love him and want this to work. He told me maybe1 day we could try again but that feels very uncertain since we live in 2 different countries. It's upsetting bc I promised myself never to open my heart to anyone and then he came along and honestly I felt such a strong connection with him and I know him too.

I know it hurts. and maybe it will be one day. You need to just move on and not wait for the "one day". Do your work, hobbies, everyday life things, don't wait around for him. It hurts first and then it gets better.

[R&R]

But I love him and want this to work. He told me maybe1 day we could try again but that feels very uncertain since we live in 2 different countries. It's upsetting bc I promised myself never to open my heart to anyone and then he came along and honestly I felt such a strong connection with him and I know him too.

If you loved him, you would respect his decision and the fact that the LDR is too much for him. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him but he has done the right thing by ending it instead of leading you on. You may have felt a strong connection and maybe he did too at first. Apparently, that's not there for him anymore. Relationships generally start out wonderful and then people learn more about themselves and what they want and their limits. They either continue or end. You are old enough to understand this.

Don't hold out hope for "one day". Living your life for something that may never happen is a waste. Focus on you and what is good for you as an individual and your independent future.

[Unicornstar7]

I know but he's agreed to be friends with me and is okay with me still tagging him in memes etc on fb. He said nothing is ruined it's just the distance and it doesn't feel the same as it used to. I think the ldr is just stressful now and he's still young he's only 20. So as much as I feel sad and heartbroken I am glad he's accepted to be friends still.

[R&R]

You realize this is going to make it harder for you to move forward because you aren't letting go? I'm friends with ex's going all the way back to guys I dated in high school, but none of it was immediate. Generally, people need time apart to be able to make that break first and get over the relationship before they can move back to being friends.

[sasad]

Agreed with R & R. I also see the age difference. He is only 20 and you are 30.. let him go through the steps he needs as well. Let him learn and let him grow up. Please please don't be the crazy ex, stalker girlfriend..

[zaily]

The more you contact him and insist telling him that you love him, the more he is going to distance himself from you. At this point you need to work on yourself, heal and move on. Don't keep giving him the chance to reject you, if things keep going this way you two probably won't be able to be friends in the future. This experience can bring you personal growth and then the future will bring better things for you.