I'm so lost at this point...

[R&R]

So now I was talking well texting with my boyfriend, I know he isn't the biggest fan of texting because 1. It is annoying and 2. I knownwhen he plays is games that he gets focused in and I don't want to disturb that and I'd rather just let him play his game since he hates texting anyways and you would think it isn't a problem that I do that right? WRONG, I get these texts back "guessing you don't want to talk to me" and I respond saying "u said u don't like to text lol" then he says "I don't just kinda seemed like you wanted to go" so I responded "No but Ik how focused in u get on ur games and texting doesn't help u focus in on that" innocent enough honest message right? Well this is the response I get from saying something so innocent "Whatever then just fucking go then so sick of this game shit ". I don't feel I said or did anything to receive a response so hostile and defensive. We both have Saturday-Monday off and each day he is on his games from the time we wake between 1-3 pm until about 530 am or so...I mean am I wrong for wanting some time or bringing up to him that he isn't paying much attention to me or anything ?

Though you've been together 4 years, like it or not, his mentality is that of a young adult - which he is. He's 20 and really hasn't had to face the real world yet. He games and that is his priority. He's shows it by his actions and gets defensive when you bring it up. It is really time to let go of this relationship. It takes two parties to make a relationship work - and his relationship is with his games and not you.

[InLoveToHard]

So then I'm not crazy when I say this as well? I told him the other night I'm in a relationship with him and he is in a relationship with himself too, and he swears that since he doesn't go anywhere except for work and doesn't do anything else except FaceTime me and game, he swears that he is giving me attention and making me first priority, so I'm not crazy for feeling like I'm not first priority then?

[R&R]

We all have our outside hobbies or things we do. I work, go to school full-time and read when I get a chance. However, I make sure that my SO gets undivided attention as well. It may only be 5 minutes sometimes and other times an hour or more. It's interacting with each other that's important. Sitting and watching someone play video games is not interacting - it's being an observer.

You have told him it bothers you. Have you provided a solution that you think will work for you? Maybe that you would appreciate at least an hour 4 days a week that is the two of you involved in some activity other than gaming?

[InLoveToHard]

I can suggest that tonight, i always just say I want some time where he is just focused on me and not the video game and talking to me to keep me content. I want undivided attention and when I do suggest that he usually says something along the lines of "well idk what u expect me to do we aren't next to each other so idk what u want from me nothing I ever do is good enough I'm sorry I'm such a shitty boyfriend and sorry I'm so horrible". So then I just let him do what he wants to do since me asking for some time seems to be such a hassle. I try to tell myself I understand he is young and is still in that young state of mind but it's like when do you grow up. You want a relationship with an older woman yet u don't put in effort for it and when she tells you she feels unwanted or unloved you just get defensive and mad that I ask u to not play a game for a little while to pay attention to me and then I get "do u want me to just get off of my game and stare at u" he doesn't know how to communicate or come to a compromise, I try to talk he gets defensive and it turns Into an argument because of the defensiveness and then somehow it's my fault that we're arguing cuz I'm the one who brought it up. It's just always a lose lose.

[R&R]

Well this is where you can bring in the suggestions I gave you earlier. Bring solutions and ideas.

Though age differences of this size can work, it's rare. You are living the reasons why. You've got 10 years experience on him. When he's 30 and you're 40, it won't seem so much. But think about how much you've changed in the last 10 years. It wasn't an overnight process for any of us and it won't be for him either.....plus the additional fact that men don't mature as quickly as women. I have 2 kids, I wouldn't have the patience for a 3rd one that is supposed to be my SO.

[InLoveToHard]

This is why I blame ate a lot because when I was 21, I was drinking and partying and gaming a lot and correctly as the years went on, I grew up and past that phase and yes I game from time to time but it's very very rare and he doesn't put himself in my shoes and doesn't understand where I'm coming from which is the most frustrating. There's just a huge immaturity that I notice and he isn't willing to acknowledge it, instead he just smiles when I tell him he has an addiction

[R&R]

This is why I blame ate a lot because when I was 21, I was drinking and partying and gaming a lot and correctly as the years went on, I grew up and past that phase and yes I game from time to time but it's very very rare and he doesn't put himself in my shoes and doesn't understand where I'm coming from which is the most frustrating. There's just a huge immaturity that I notice and he isn't willing to acknowledge it, instead he just smiles when I tell him he has an addiction

You have the option to leave. To find someone who is older and more on your wavelength. Someone who is at the same stage in life as you and wants the same things. Staying with someone just because you have a history doesn't mean it's the right thing. He's not ready to grow up yet, so you are going to continue to be unhappy and have the same fights over and over.

[InLoveToHard]

We actually haven't fought in a long time, it's just up until recently now I'm just getting fed up and trying to figure out how in gods name I can get him to realize he has a problem and how to get him to see that this relationship isn't a relationship. We have already bought a plane ticket for me to go see him at the end of this month again so after this visit I'm going to reevaluate everything if it doesn't feel like I'm in a relationship or like I have a bf then I'm just going to let go or give him the choice to grow up or let me go find someone else who is grown up. Love can only do so much and it isn't going to make me happy if the person I love isn't doing his duties to make me happy.

[R&R]

You can't make someone realize they have an addiction. They have to realize it for themselves and want to change.
It is no one else's duty to make you happy. It is your responsibility to make yourself happy. If you are unhappy in a situation, then you remove yourself from that situation.

[InLoveToHard]

That to is also true. I know I cant make someone realize they have an addiction. They need to see it themselves and choose to change on their own terms. If you try to force someone to change they either will do it to satisfy you and then go right back to what they were doing or they just won't do it at all because they aren't ready. And I know it's no one else's duty to make me happy BUT when you're in a relationship it takes 2 to make it work, it takes 2 to have happiness, otherwise one can leave if they are in an unhappy situation and then make themselves happy.

[R&R]

That to is also true. I know I cant make someone realize they have an addiction. They need to see it themselves and choose to change on their own terms. If you try to force someone to change they either will do it to satisfy you and then go right back to what they were doing or they just won't do it at all because they aren't ready. And I know it's no one else's duty to make me happy BUT when you're in a relationship it takes 2 to make it work, it takes 2 to have happiness, otherwise one can leave if they are in an unhappy situation and then make themselves happy.

And there is your answer. You aren't happy and you don't have two people trying to make it work. Yet, you are choosing to stay in a situation by your own choice and free will. Every day you choose to stay in an unhappy situation, you are relinquishing the chance to truly be happy.