He's already interested in someone else 2 weeks after our breakup

[Unicornstar7]

I found out my now ex is interested In someone else from his gym. He started following her on Instagram. The reason I Am upset is because I didn't get the truth of why he really wanted to breakup. Yet many times before he told me he will never leave. 😒 I feel I deserve the truth and not just some stupid text message telling me he finds it hard and can't handle the distance when he showed me hardly any effort. It makes me sad bc I'm still so in love with him and it hurts. I now wonder if he really was in love with me in the first place or was I just there to help pass his time when he felt bored and lonely.

[differentcountries]

I dont think a lot of times people get "the truth" about breakups. In the past, I thought for some time the breakup was due to my ex falling for someone else. Turned out, loneliness (my ex never seriously dated anyone again and is still single to this day, 14 years later, btw) was the better option to dating me.... well.

I realize everything hurts at this point and that you want answers and truth so bad, just realize that something as simple as "the truth" may not exist. So, my ex loved me a whole lot. Was the breakup due to a lack of love? Towards me or self? Another ex I think still loves me, but managed to make me totally miserable without ever dumping me or telling me a bad word. Love is a strange creature.

People are strange. But I dont think people do long distance just because they are bored. Long distance is a special type of relationship and not everyone can handle it. Loving someone, and dealing with the practical sides of a relationship, is not the same.

Time and new things happening is the only cure for heartbreak. I wish you luck

[sasad]

Again, you are 30 and he is only 20. I reread your older post...you know you need to stop with him.
I know it hurts, but he is doing nothing wrong. Just because he is following someone on instagram, doesn't mean they are having any type of relationship.
You do need to let this go. You are looking for things and trying to justify, but for your own piece of mind...stop. Stop stalking him on social media. Let it go, so you an move on.

[Unicornstar7]

Easier said than done isn't it? Please stop making me out to be a stalker. Why does he have to have it easy? Why must I be the one hurting and who is still in love with him. I am not some cold hearted stone where I can just move on. I have heart and feelings and all I ever wanted was the truth from him. I don't need to be told such things Bc of our age difference.

[Unicornstar7]

Thank you for your considerate response. I'm still hurting and I will for some time. I feel it worse Bc of Christmas and New Years and I thought I would be all happy and in love and talking to him over video chat but it all went to ruins since his change of heart so suddenly. Also it seems he's already moved on in his head and I'm still trying to accept it all.

[differentcountries]

When people break up, they have sometimes "trial broken op" in their heads before they really do it. Therefor it may seem cold that they are moving on, but if you look at it they could be ready to move on and therefore break up... I understand that holidays are hard. I am still with my SO and I still find Christmas and NYE hard time to be apart! Just remember that the sun already turned... There are brighter days ahead. Please take care.

[C.C.]

Easier said than done isn't it? Please stop making me out to be a stalker. Why does he have to have it easy? Why must I be the one hurting and who is still in love with him. I am not some cold hearted stone where I can just move on. I have heart and feelings and all I ever wanted was the truth from him. I don't need to be told such things Bc of our age difference.

There's difference between being cold-hearted and rational. It IS hard to move on yes but you can at least be on the right path and direction, but what you are doing right now is justifying your behaviour and doing everything to avoid moving on. When we are emotional, we lack rationality and at those times we need harsh truths, not what we WANT to hear. Is that what you seek here as well?

It is over, and making yourself feel that he never loved you or that he's awful won't do any good to you, you'll just get into temporary-moving-on-in-spite-of-him state and then at some point it will hurt altogether. The life doesn't revolve around relationships, yes it's the holiday season, you had expectations, but what about you spoil yourself, go out and do all the things you couldn't really do/give time to if you were still in a relationship?

[R&R]

When people break up, they have sometimes "trial broken op" in their heads before they really do it. Therefor it may seem cold that they are moving on, but if you look at it they could be ready to move on and therefore break up... I understand that holidays are hard. I am still with my SO and I still find Christmas and NYE hard time to be apart! Just remember that the sun already turned... There are brighter days ahead. Please take care.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Many times, the person breaking up has already "left" the relationship emotionally, so they can move on fairly easily. It doesn't mean that they didn't once love their partner.

I know I've said this before, but in most breakups, there is one party who doesn't want it or is somewhat surprised by it and it is going to take them longer to get over it. People want closure or to want to know all the reasons why and a lot of times, you aren't going to get that. So, you have to be the person to get up and close that door and move on. The why's and what-if's don't really matter now. It's done and that's not going to change. He is moving forward and you need to as well. It does hurt and it will take time but you will get through this. We've all been in your spot at one point in time (or more than once) and we've all survived....you will too.

[Chris516]

I now wonder if he really was in love with me in the first place or was I just there to help pass his time when he felt bored and lonely.

This part of what you said. Reminded me of a g/f I was with during the summer between my Junior n' Senior years of high school. Like your question, I wondered the same thing after her 'real' b/f had been released from the county lockup.

Years later, I coincidentally ran into her mother at a local metro station. We had a nice chat. When I asked how her daughter(my ex) was doing. I was told that she dropped out of school, within weeks of breaking up with me. The only effort she showed me, was to break the law(petty crime). She got what she deserved. Your ex will get what he deserves for treating women so shabbily.

[R&R]

This part of what you said. Reminded me of a g/f I was with during the summer between my Junior n' Senior years of high school. Like your question, I wondered the same thing after her 'real' b/f had been released from the county lockup.

Years later, I coincidentally ran into her mother at a local metro station. We had a nice chat. When I asked how her daughter(my ex) was doing. I was told that she dropped out of school, within weeks of breaking up with me. The only effort she showed me, was to break the law(petty crime). She got what she deserved. Your ex will get what he deserves for treating women so shabbily.

They broke up and he moved on. That's not treating someone shabbily and there is no karma to give. He ended a relationship that he no longer felt he wanted to be in and is going forward with his life. The OP is only wondering these things in her head. It's not that these are facts or anything she was told by her ex.

It's rare for someone to stay with one person their entire life. Due to that, relationships end and people move on. Dating is about finding out if you are compatible, and if you aren't, then you part ways. I mean, if you broke up with someone and they still wanted to be with you, should you then get some bad karma coming your way? No.

[Chris516]

They broke up and he moved on. That's not treating someone shabbily and there is no karma to give. He ended a relationship that he no longer felt he wanted to be in and is going forward with his life. The OP is only wondering these things in her head. It's not that these are facts or anything she was told by her ex.

I know that the s/o broke up with the OP. I know that the OP was thinking 'what if'. I was saying, that I have been there, know what it is like, and the OP's curiosity is definitely valid.

It's rare for someone to stay with one person their entire life. Due to that, relationships end and people move on. Dating is about finding out if you are compatible, and if you aren't, then you part ways. I mean, if you broke up with someone and they still wanted to be with you, should you then get some bad karma coming your way? No.

Yes, In todays' society it is rare for someone to be together a lifetime. In terms of expecting bad karma. That was what I illustrating with my ex. That she got bad karma that came way. The OP's ex probably will, too.

[R&R]

Yes, In todays' society it is rare for someone to be together a lifetime. In terms of expecting bad karma. That was what I illustrating with my ex. That she got bad karma that came way. The OP's ex probably will, too.

But what is the reasoning for bad karma? Usually you expect bad karma for when someone has done something wrong and you want them to get that done back to them. The OP's ex hasn't done anything wrong.

[C.C.]

She got what she deserved. Your ex will get what he deserves for treating women so shabbily.

I don't want to be offensive but this part is outright creepy, especially relating to this situation.

[Chris516]

But what is the reasoning for bad karma? Usually you expect bad karma for when someone has done something wrong and you want them to get that done back to them. The OP's ex hasn't done anything wrong.

Not necessarily want. Just that their own behavior will come back to bite them.

I don't want to be offensive but this part is outright creepy, especially relating to this situation.

If having been through a theoretically similar situation is creepy to you. So be it. I never said specifically, or explicitly, what they deserved.

[Ejoriah]

They don't deserve anything to "bite them in the ass" because ending a relationship with someone before getting invested in someone else is generally considered the proper way of doing things.

OP, I'm sorry you're hurting still. I get it, I really do. However it's not useful to dwell on whether he feels no pain while you do, or that his apparently moving on is a reflection of his feelings of affection for you. People deal with breakups differently.