First LDR

[Desthro]

Hey all, I'm new here and have been digging around for a little bit. I just wanted to introduce myself and share some of the things I've been experiencing and hear from others who have been down this road before.

I'm 33, and have two kids and am tied down legally to where I am at due to my divorce decree. I never expected to find myself in a long distance relationship.

We are both avid personality hobbyists, and that's strangely how we met. I joined a forum some time ago to learn more about myself and grow, and suddenly, it was just... poof. We started talking here and there, and before I knew it everything just seemed to fall into place. We talked, we shared, and we're 100% open and honest, and even when we discuss difficult topics, we always seem to understand the other's perspective and views, and I never felt so understood and accepted by another human being in my life. We don't agree on everything, but the respect is above and beyond.

A week later, I just knew I had to meet her. I told her, we talked about it, and I bought the tickets that very day. It was 6 weeks out, but we both felt this connection.

Two weeks into this, I knew I loved her.

I called her, I was crying, freaking out because I was feeling these emotions and I didn't know how to talk about them, or who to talk about them with. . . she listened, and she told me that she was feeling similarly. I, of course was relieved. How can one person mesh with you so quickly, effortlessly and potently? When we finally met face-to-face, it was like I'd known her my entire life. Emotional, mental, physical, the chemistry is insane. We kept talking about how crazy this all is, and that she'd never wanted to be in an LDR with anyone. But our emotional and mental intimacy are above and beyond anything I've ever experienced.

Has anyone experienced that before?

After we met face-to-face, she had to go back to her home country for a few weeks to spend time with family. It's been hard, and our relationship is new, but we always make the time for one another even if we can't do the things that we usually do. (Typical LDR stuff like watching shows together, reading, and playing video games together. Video calling, journal swapping. . .) It's just the occasional bit of connection. I found myself grieving two weeks into this, and she tells me that she hates being where she is as well, (some are reasons not related to our relationship, she left there to come here to the US to study because she cannot stand living in the country where she is from.)

Is that normal? I mean, yeah, sure it is. But it'd be nice to hear that I'm not alone in that.

Anyway, thanks for reading, best of luck to everyone. <3

[Sun_King]

Hi fellow new forum goer. I'm pretty new here myself and also new to LDRs (July 2016) and relationships in general. Glad you found someone you have such instantaneous chemistry with. Your story is similar to mine, minus 9 years off the age, the kids, prior divorce, and hobbyist details, lol. Well, maybe everything's not so similar, but I do remember soon enough accepting things for what they were and feeling an easiness come over me when it all began. Unfortunately the part of my story where I meet my SO face-to-face is postponed until later this year but I'm determined to make it happen! It's awesome you were able to make that leap and get to enjoy each other. I suppose it is normal to feel the way you do...but the most important thing is that it feels right. So on and so...best of luck to you and her.

[Desthro]

Hi fellow new forum goer. I'm pretty new here myself and also new to LDRs (July 2016) and relationships in general. Glad you found someone you have such instantaneous chemistry with. Your story is similar to mine, minus 9 years off the age, the kids, prior divorce, and hobbyist details, lol. Well, maybe everything's not so similar, but I do remember soon enough accepting things for what they were and feeling an easiness come over me when it all began. Unfortunately the part of my story where I meet my SO face-to-face is postponed until later this year but I'm determined to make it happen! It's awesome you were able to make that leap and get to enjoy each other. I suppose it is normal to feel the way you do...but the most important thing is that it feels right. So on and so...best of luck to you and her.

Thanks for replying

It was just such an unexpected feeling to have. The loneliness experienced from the change in circumstances was pretty intense. It took a while to take root, but it took me by surprise I guess. I mean, I was used to spending hours on the phone, doing things together or just talking almost daily, and it just took two weeks of not being able to do that routinely anymore and bam. . . I felt miserable. We of course talked and shared how we felt like I said, but damn.

The things we humans put ourselves through for love hmm?

I hope you get too see your loved one soon. It'll be treat worth waiting for I am sure. It's scary to commit over such a distance, especially when you've never met, or never had a relationship with them prior to the geographical problem to recall you know?

[kittyo9]

Welcome both of you to the forum and to the world of LDRs. That connection you've described is one of the things I feel like LDRs actually facilitate quite well, but it's not unusual to be taken by surprise. An LDR kind of forces you to learn to communicate well early on in the relationship, and I'm so happy for you that you've found someone who you mesh so well with. Because of how much emphasis an LDR puts on communication, it can be really difficult to spend time where you can't communicate with your SO. It's not fun, but it's also a symptom of the depth of your bond.

[Chris516]

Hey all, I'm new here and have been digging around for a little bit. I just wanted to introduce myself and share some of the things I've been experiencing and hear from others who have been down this road before.

I'm 33, and have two kids and am tied down legally to where I am at due to my divorce decree. I never expected to find myself in a long distance relationship.

We are both avid personality hobbyists, and that's strangely how we met. I joined a forum some time ago to learn more about myself and grow, and suddenly, it was just... poof. We started talking here and there, and before I knew it everything just seemed to fall into place. We talked, we shared, and we're 100% open and honest, and even when we discuss difficult topics, we always seem to understand the other's perspective and views, and I never felt so understood and accepted by another human being in my life. We don't agree on everything, but the respect is above and beyond.

A week later, I just knew I had to meet her. I told her, we talked about it, and I bought the tickets that very day. It was 6 weeks out, but we both felt this connection.

Two weeks into this, I knew I loved her.

I called her, I was crying, freaking out because I was feeling these emotions and I didn't know how to talk about them, or who to talk about them with. . . she listened, and she told me that she was feeling similarly. I, of course was relieved. How can one person mesh with you so quickly, effortlessly and potently? When we finally met face-to-face, it was like I'd known her my entire life. Emotional, mental, physical, the chemistry is insane. We kept talking about how crazy this all is, and that she'd never wanted to be in an LDR with anyone. But our emotional and mental intimacy are above and beyond anything I've ever experienced.

Has anyone experienced that before?

After we met face-to-face, she had to go back to her home country for a few weeks to spend time with family. It's been hard, and our relationship is new, but we always make the time for one another even if we can't do the things that we usually do. (Typical LDR stuff like watching shows together, reading, and playing video games together. Video calling, journal swapping. . .) It's just the occasional bit of connection. I found myself grieving two weeks into this, and she tells me that she hates being where she is as well, (some are reasons not related to our relationship, she left there to come here to the US to study because she cannot stand living in the country where she is from.)

Is that normal? I mean, yeah, sure it is. But it'd be nice to hear that I'm not alone in that.

Anyway, thanks for reading, best of luck to everyone. <3

Be careful. She could be playing into your emotions. Just to get out of her present location.

[Ejoriah]

Be careful. She could be playing into your emotions. Just to get out of her present location.

Where are you getting this from? The woman is already in the US, to study.

OP, from my experience it's usual to feel a bit off when your usual LDR routine is disrupted, especially if the communication suddenly lessens. Just focus on the fact that this additional separation is only for a few weeks, and try to focus on your hobbies/interests in the meantime

[Desthro]

Be careful. She could be playing into your emotions. Just to get out of her present location.

Hahahaha my dad said the same thing. She's Trilingual and has her Master's degree in May. I don't think she needs me for much of anything.

Where are you getting this from? The woman is already in the US, to study.

OP, from my experience it's usual to feel a bit off when your usual LDR routine is disrupted, especially if the communication suddenly lessens. Just focus on the fact that this additional separation is only for a few weeks, and try to focus on your hobbies/interests in the meantime

I think that's what got me two weeks in. We talk about it when we get the chance. The final countdown to the end is finally here

[Sun_King]

Thanks for replying

It was just such an unexpected feeling to have. The loneliness experienced from the change in circumstances was pretty intense. It took a while to take root, but it took me by surprise I guess. I mean, I was used to spending hours on the phone, doing things together or just talking almost daily, and it just took two weeks of not being able to do that routinely anymore and bam. . . I felt miserable. We of course talked and shared how we felt like I said, but damn.

The things we humans put ourselves through for love hmm?

I hope you get too see your loved one soon. It'll be treat worth waiting for I am sure. It's scary to commit over such a distance, especially when you've never met, or never had a relationship with them prior to the geographical problem to recall you know?

Yeah. That's the way it is. When my SO initially contacted me it was after two or so years of using OKC (OKCupid) with no "REAL" success. I didn't compromise on my profile on who I am and what I wanted, though I didn't have any luck with even getting past the first message (I'd send one to a woman after reading her profile if she had one worth reading to see what she was about). Only one or two responses from some who then would never respond again. Some would delete their profiles or go vacant (aka found someone in real life or constantly harassed by creepers, haha), so I figured no one was serious (well, free dating sites aren't known for even having a HALF-WAY serious userbase; I had a buddy in the army years ago who used POF and showed me all the women he had messaging him...even though he was married smh...he wasn't the most moral guy around sure enough but the point was many were there strictly for hookups which isn't what I wanted at all. Just too old-fashioned in that regard, I guess). At which point it'd be several months if not a full year until she sent me a message. When I first read it, I was a tad jaded, especially since it was a simple, "Hey" at the time, so I admittedly ignored her. Then she saw that I read it and messaged again saying something along the lines of, "Aw. No response? I really loved your profile". And then I checked out her profile, though vague since it was fairly new, I decided why not and it started from there. I spammed her with walls of text initially but toned it down as time went on, lol. My bad. XD

These things start up rather weird, and being in the army in my early-mid twenties, a lot of the women around me were all college kids into clubbing and going wild, and the local women in the army who weren't married in my age bracket were emotionally and mentally immature (still gossiping like highschoolers, I'd end up giving rides to some of my female co-workers who didn't have cars and all they'd talk about is their toxic relationship drama in the backseat. I ended up having to pick up one after the military police got involved, it got that bad).

Anyway, the most important thing for me was my SO wanted the same thing relationship-wise. Her personality, goals, and ambitions were just as important. Her appearance while EXTREMELY attractive had to come last (doesn't mean I don't have standards set in place, of course!). When we first started she was in the states for medical school but things didn't pan out financially. I didn't want her to head back to her home country but it was too much for her which was upsetting. I was planning to take summer block leave to South Carolina and would have been able to visit her had but none of it happened. She asked if I still wanted to be with her, and all of this was still in August when we first started our LDR. I actually did contemplate cutting it off then, but I figured if I can sacrifice years of my life to the army, I can give her that same sacrifice to see where it goes. It was rough, especially because I did a lot of things wrong as her SO at the start to the point of near break-up, but over these past 5 plus months she has said I've been able to make her cry happy tears and no one has treated or loved her the way I have. So I guess I may be slow but I'm doing something right.

[Sun_King]

Welcome both of you to the forum and to the world of LDRs. That connection you've described is one of the things I feel like LDRs actually facilitate quite well, but it's not unusual to be taken by surprise. An LDR kind of forces you to learn to communicate well early on in the relationship, and I'm so happy for you that you've found someone who you mesh so well with. Because of how much emphasis an LDR puts on communication, it can be really difficult to spend time where you can't communicate with your SO. It's not fun, but it's also a symptom of the depth of your bond.

Thank you kittyo9, :3 Glad I found this place. You are right. LDRs put you in situations where clarity is absolutely critical. There can't be too much room for interpretation because it can actually cause rifts and turn minor disagreements to agravation. My SO at times might think I'm angry about something and will voice message me or I might not understand the vibes she's giving so I'll message her my thoughts. Moments like that are great because it makes our intent and meaning clear to each other. It's easy to cause offense and not actually mean it.