Being Bored in LDR

[Tkettle]

Is boredom something to be expected in a LDR? I've noticed that I have grown quite bored with my LDR.

He isn't really into talking on the phone or video chatting, which is difficult for me to work around. We talk twice a week on our scheduled talk days (Sundays and Wednesdays) and hardly do we talk between those days. He doesn't see the point in doing anything that isnt in person, for example, watching a movie together through hangout. He is so uncomfortable with talking on the phone that even when we do talk he says little and doesn't engage. It has just gotten so boring and frustrating.

I guess what I'm wanting to know is if this is something that happens? Getting bored of the other partner?

[Moon]

Actually, no.

After being in a relationship for a while, you do hit dull patches sometimes, but having a partner who doesn't engage at all isn't normal. In an LDR, communication is pretty much all we have between visits, without it you might as well be single. If you're around the same age, it's kind of strange that he's so uncomfortable with digital communication as your generation was born into it, it should be as natural to him as breathing

You just can't maintain a one-way relationship, and while there are many, many suggestions on here about how to make your conversations more interesting, you need a willing partner for that to work. Assuming you've discussed this, what does he say about it? Is he really just OK to not talk between visits? I see you aren't too far apart, do you get to have visits often? I'm sorry I'm asking more questions than giving advice, but I'm not sure what to say if someone doesn't see the point in talking.

[Tkettle]

Hey Moon!

Oh it's fine! I didn't give much background about our relationship, that's my mistake.

We have talked about his issues with communication through technology. From what he has explained to me, it just not his thing. He feels like it takes up to much time and communicating through phone/text is "artificial". Which I do agree with you is a little strange for a 20 yo lol. For a while, after a serious talk, he tried to be more involved but it fell flat. I think he is just so use to being like that that he can't help it. I honestly just given up trying.

Unfortunately no we don't get to see each other often, only during big breaks such as Christmas (we are both college attendees). But even then our time together is limited since he sees family during these times as well.

[C.C.]

I have started thinking that way as well more and more, lol.
That, as much as I am used to it, online communication is artificial and I can't express myself with it as well as I could irl.
However, that doesn't mean I limit anything when it's the only thing I have got. It's not normal that he does.

[rache82]

OK, when I first started reading these forums and then joined them, I'd often read people say that each LDR is different and there's no right or wrong answer as to how much a couple should communicate; If it works for both of you, well and good. However, having said that, my first LDR SO and I could only voice chat once a week due to his being deaf and finding it hard to use the phone and Facetime etc. We'd text otherwise and though I tried to accept and understand, it didn't work for me and I knew it wouldn't in the long-term but it was him who ended it after only eight weeks or so and said he just couldn't do an LDR.
Then, my other one came along just by chance, and even before we got together, we would voice chat every single day as well as texting, not so much. -- That works for me, very very well and well for him too, so we have a great match there.

It's all about communication though. You both need to talk and come up with a compromise.
I wish you the best of luck with this.

[rache82]

OK, when I first started reading these forums and then joined them, I'd often read people say that each LDR is different and there's no right or wrong answer as to how much a couple should communicate; If it works for both of you, well and good. However, having said that, my first LDR SO and I could only voice chat once a week due to his being deaf and finding it hard to use the phone and Facetime etc. We'd text otherwise and though I tried to accept and understand, it didn't work for me and I knew it wouldn't in the long-term but it was him who ended it after only eight weeks or so and said he just couldn't do an LDR.
Then, my other one came along just by chance, and even before we got together, we would voice chat every single day as well as texting, not so much. -- That works for me, very very well and well for him too, so we have a great match there.

It's all about communication though. You both need to talk and come up with a compromise.
I wish you the best of luck with this.

[hmrambling]

Perhaps the two of you can talk about what your expectations are of how much you can and want to communicate. I see that ya'll are 250 miles away, and I can see that he might not want to video chat and would prefer to do things in person.

My SO talk on the phone and are not big into texting. We've never video chatted, either. I can't or won't say what is normal for couples as I believe there is no normal. There's average, but there is no 'normal' for couples. That's like saying that there is a standard, and in order to meet the standard of normal, that I must have video chatted with my partner. And if there is such a standard, then clearly I have not met that standard even though I've been with my partner for two years. So I'm not buying into the whole, "that's not normal if you're not video chatting with your partner."

What my SO and I did was discuss how much communication each of us wanted in the relationship. We agreed that daily phone calls are a realistic expectation, so one of us calls the other at night and we talk about our day, then say good night. We also text each other good morning. We do not text throughout the day or have constant communication all day long. There have been some days that we don't call or text each other due to work or family issues or life in general. There will always be exceptions.

This works for us. You two will need to discuss what works for you. Sure, each of you will need to take into account your schedules and responsibilities. And there might need to be some compromise between the two of you. If you haven't checked out the 1000 questions for couples book, you might want to check that out and it will probably give ya'll something to talk about while you're on the phone.

[Chris516]

OP, There is a page on LFAD chock full of ideas of what a couple can do together. When they are not in the same location.

[Rezie]

I'm kind of like your boufriend in this situation. I'm sick of texting, talking and technology. Especailly to use them to maintain a relationship. For me personally it is a singn that I am sick of te distance and I don't see it going anywhere since we don't have a set plan. SO in a way it is a way to protect and distance myself. Maybe your boyfriend feels the same?

Obviously every couple meets up differently but since you are 250 miles from each other would it be possible to meet up more often than on major holidays? I personally feel more willing to call and text when I know the visit is close By and when I have gotten back home. In way I get reminded that we are a couple.