Confusion...

[Moni19]

Hey guys, I'm new to this forum and decided that I need other people's opinions about my situation, hopefully it will help me understand it better. I have been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now with a guy from Canada, I'm from Europe, we can only meet every six months and we have no other way but to wait for other 5 years before closing the distance cause of my university situation. It's not easy, but we both are willing to make it work. Recently my boyfriend has found himself a new job, he's moving to a bigger city with more friends and more activities. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about it, but at the same time it scares me. He's the type of person to never text or call when he's doing something different from being home, and lately he's been really busy at work, he's meeting new people, plus now he lives with roommates, so there's always someone around. And our time difference is 5 hours, so when it's his evening I'm asleep. That leads to us not talking for few days in a row, or just talking with 10 messages per day. He doesn't seem to think that it's a big issue, but I feel that this kind of communication is not enough for me, I want to be able to share my experiences with him, I wan't to talk to him when I'm having a bad or a great day, and now it's just not possible anymore. I can't help feeling sad and disappointed. My question is, how does this look from the outside? Am I too needy and should think less about myself, after all he's usually busy working and has a lot of responsibilities, or do I actually need to talk to him about the way I feel? I understand really well, that even though it's LDR, you can't be glued to your phone all the time, and sometimes there's just no time to text, but have no clue how to not feel sad when he's not there. How often do other LDR couples communicate?

[sasad]

We all have different styles and expectations in our relationships. Most of us have worked on that and defined what it is we want vs what we need.
My SO works from home, we are in the same time zone and so is a lot easier for us to talk, text and skype.
You are 5 hours different, not hateful, but still doable for things you too can do together.
You do need to have a heart to heart with your SO and come to an agreement about what will work for you both. I would also suggest setting up specific times or limit, for the most part, for communications. What is acceptable and reasonable for you both?
You go to school or work? For some its hard or impossible to text during the day.. so don't set your expectations to make him do that. It's really ok to ask for a return txt or call after 5 hours ( fill in your time) to just do a checkup. That would of course not be reasonable if he is ou camping, at a movie or doing something where he has to come to a dead stop.. in cases like that, a simple Hey.i am ok or something is fine. I would also suggest setting up specific date nights if possible. Give yourselves an hour or so once a week for couple time.. Or plan a date on the weekend.. Take the phones and go share a place with each other.
Communication is important in every single relationship. LDR's seem to "need" more as we don't have the physical aspect and we have so many other distractions.

So to answer your question... needy?? No, I don't think you are asking for a text every 5 minutes, nor are you stalking him to see what he is up too. Please talk to him, tell him your fears, because that is a worry for you -his move, and set up times to be together. You actually seem pretty mature for bing as young as you are! Best of luck to you both!

[Chris516]

Hey guys, I'm new to this forum and decided that I need other people's opinions about my situation, hopefully it will help me understand it better. I have been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now with a guy from Canada, I'm from Europe, we can only meet every six months and we have no other way but to wait for other 5 years before closing the distance cause of my university situation. It's not easy, but we both are willing to make it work. Recently my boyfriend has found himself a new job, he's moving to a bigger city with more friends and more activities. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about it, but at the same time it scares me. He's the type of person to never text or call when he's doing something different from being home, and lately he's been really busy at work, he's meeting new people, plus now he lives with roommates, so there's always someone around. And our time difference is 5 hours, so when it's his evening I'm asleep. That leads to us not talking for few days in a row, or just talking with 10 messages per day. He doesn't seem to think that it's a big issue, but I feel that this kind of communication is not enough for me, I want to be able to share my experiences with him, I wan't to talk to him when I'm having a bad or a great day, and now it's just not possible anymore. I can't help feeling sad and disappointed. My question is, how does this look from the outside? Am I too needy and should think less about myself, after all he's usually busy working and has a lot of responsibilities, or do I actually need to talk to him about the way I feel? I understand really well, that even though it's LDR, you can't be glued to your phone all the time, and sometimes there's just no time to text, but have no clue how to not feel sad when he's not there. How often do other LDR couples communicate?

He doesn't respect you.

[sasad]

He doesn't respect you.

Of course he doesn't Chris... Thank YOU for knowing everything he feels and offering advice... I am being sarcastic btw.

The guy just moved and started a new job. READ and understand before you start being negative again.

And please, don't waste the white spaces on here replying with a silly excuse. Don't need to hear your response.

[differentcountries]

Well, speaking as someone who is also in a long term international relationship, we have due to our jobs (mostly his) gone from Skyping almost every day to mainly keeping in toutch through text. I had a very hard time with this adjustment, used to think he was less invested etc. Then it turned out that, just through texting and random Skyping, we are able to update each other and maintain so much closeness that when we meet (which is now around every 3rd month) I dont even have any news to tell him. He has started to make up for the fact that it is hard to Skype by recording small videos that he sends me sometimes. He just told me, over tex, how proud he is of me (I shared a work accomplishment with him) and I really feel he is there for me. I have also asked him for extra Skype time when I missed him or wanted to bring stuff up. Now that we Skype only when we have energy and focus, it is much more enjoyable for both of us (we are introverts). By all means, talk to your SO about it. But if he is busy due to work, he might not be able to change things in a big way just yet.

[Chris516]

Of course he doesn't Chris... Thank YOU for knowing everything he feels and offering advice... I am being sarcastic btw.

The guy just moved and started a new job. READ and understand before you start being negative again.

And please, don't waste the white spaces on here replying with a silly excuse. Don't need to hear your response.

C'est la vie

[sasad]

C'est la vie

Blah blah blah .. seriously...

[Mims27]

Don't listen to Chris...

I think this situation is new and different therefore taking some time to adjust. For both of you. Definitely talk to him about it. He may not think it's a big deal but it is for you and that's ok. You aren't asking for the constant messaging; just updates here and there. You should, for sure, set up "dates", so that you have something to look forward to. When my wife and I were LDR, she was in school and working, so our time together was minimal. We'd set up Skype dates and made time for just us.

Also, keep busy in those moments of quiet. Go out with friends, make time for a hobby, workout...anything! Do stuff for YOU. Sitting around waiting is the worse and your mind tends to wonder and worry. I know that's how it was for me.

Good luck!

[Moni19]

Thank you all for answering, it was really helpfull! I thought about it and talked to my SO about the way I feel, he understands it, but for now, because of all changes, it's really difficult for him to find as much time as he had before, and I shouldn't ask him to do the impossible, we'll make compromises and find a way to make it work.

[lovestoread]

I think you should definitly talk to him about this,tell him how you feel,and set up dates to where you can see each other.

[sasad]

I think you should definitly talk to him about this,tell him how you feel,and set up dates to where you can see each other.

She already did talk to him..

[rache82]

I've read many people say on here that each LDR is different.
As for me, like you, this is not my first LDR; I was in one last year for about eight weeks. Due to both our work schedules and him not liking talking on the phone with his hearing problem, he could only manage once a week for a few hours if I was lucky. I found that, and texting during the day quite hard and though I tried, it didn't make me too happy.
My current relationship however is totally different. We voice chat every day as much as we can, so it's not as long during the working week but that's OK. This arrangements suits me down to the ground.
But, I think a lot of people will say, it's all about communication; you have to talk to him and tell him it's just not working for you.

Wishing you all the best.