Will she change her mind?

[Axervebl]

I've (M/24) been in an LDR for 6 months now with a girl (22) who works abroad. I'm new here and am searching for a bit of help with my situation.

We both have genuinely deep feelings for one another and have discussed this openly. I feel like I've found the one and she's confessed to having never felt the way she does about another person. We've discussed the future, meeting up and how we'll handle the time she is abroad (2 more years). We were due to meet in Feb.

But then things changed. Out of the blue, she confessed that she wanted to call things off because she couldn't handle being in a LDR and it's too difficult to see/speak-to me knowing we can't live together.

I was surprised, because she's previously said an LDR wouldn't be a problem for her. And the way she's spoken about us makes me think this can't be what she wants. I feel like I'm missing something.

I'd already said I would visit and stay with her - I work for a remote company. But that doesn't seem to be enough.

As it stands, we haven't spoke for a couple of weeks. I have accepted her choice and told her to text or call if she changes her mind. I want to give her space.

However, I'm really struggling. Mainly because I feel like things have been left unresolved and I can't imagine this is what she wants.

I know she lets emotions get the better of her, but what do you think? Has she done this because it is just too hard for her or may there be another reason?

And what should I do? This isn't a crush or a first love thing - I genuinely can't imagine not having this girl in my life. Right now, I'm hoping time will help things.

Because otherwise, I will regret it for a long, long time.

[erwin1973]

Hi and welcome.

Well, to answer your question: I don't know if she will change her mind. I can't read her mind, so...

But to be honest, there is something going on. Why would she make plans with you for the future and suddenly - without any reason?? - stop? It can be true it's to hard for her... but hey, you're only a couple of hundred miles away and if she really loves you, why not give it a try? But then again, I can't look inside her head.

Given the time passed - several weeks, you say - I am afraid it's it.

I don't know if you have her address, where she stays? May be you can write her a letter where you explain your feelings and all.

Good luck.

[Axervebl]

Thanks.

We haven't spoken on the phone for a couple of weeks, but our last text was a few days ago.

I wish I could read her mind! Something just doesn't sit right with me.

Even when she had made the decision, she confessed she missed me. I wonder whether she is shutting things down now, for fear of getting hurt further down the line - not that she has any reason to fear that.

[erwin1973]

Sadly, not everybody is able to live through an LDR. I have done it once and doing it now twice, but some just can't cope with it. It could be your SO is one of those people.

Actually, I don't have a clue what is going on, may be you could discretely find out. Apperently there is something that makes her want to stop, and something that makes her want to continue...

If it is fear for hurt, that might not mean she is afraid you leave her. It could be the pain of missing you, not being with you physically. I know that hurts, too!

[Sparkling72]

Not everyone is cut out for an LDR... but perhaps she is unsure on how to cope with it. It's understandable that she might feel scared and hopeless at times, but communication is very important. Like erwin said, you really need to tell her how you feel, and I wouldn't do it through text or email. I would try and arrange a skype call or facetime, whatever video calling you can both use... Even facebook has video calling. Two years isn't too bad, but to some it can feel like an eternity. She may have a lot of fears and anxiety and only through really talking it out can you resolve it. The one thing I will advise/suggest to you is, if you do get to video chat with her and she is still adamant about breaking it off, you just have to be respectful of her wishes. It sounds like you are already trying to do that as it is, but I understand that you feel like you should have a say in this break up since you have put some thought into possible solutions. Good luck to you and keep us updated.

[Axervebl]

Thank you.

I guess I feel a little in limbo at the moment.

It's only been a few days since we stopped messaging and so I don't know how long to leave it before I consider reaching out to her.