Advice needed!

[ndp2322]

So 4 years down and we still have not got to meet in person! He claims he would rather visit here but never seems to have the funds to do so, I however have the money to come there. And I want to plan a surprise trip, the only person I have found on social media close to him is his cousin Sarah.. I have never talked to her before, and I had to do some cyber stalking kinda to find her.. so my question is should I message her and hopefully get something planned or would that seem too weird? Thanks!

[Rezie]

No suprise trips. I would just tell them that I have the money to travel there and would like to do that. If he says no then there is a time for a talk.

Also you have been together 4 years and only person close to him you can find on social media is his cousin? This day and age when 'everyone' is on social media you havent found a sibling, best friend he has mentioned?

I don't mean to be discouraging but suprise visits on work when you know the person and they have expressed tat they would enjoy such a thing. But if you decide to do it anyway it wouldnt be weird to contact the cousin if she knows that you guys are together.

[snow]

A surprise visit is not a good idea for the first time you meet in person. You want to be able to show yourself from the best angle and if you're not prepared, you might not have been able to take a shower after work or you might be sweaty after a workout, etc.

[Nightamin]

I agree with Rezie, not really knowing much about any of his friends/relatives is a bit of a red flag. I don't mean to alarm you, chances are that there might not much cause for alarm, but talking to him about the possibility of you visiting would give more clarity to the situation.

[kittyo9]

No suprise trips. I would just tell them that I have the money to travel there and would like to do that. If he says no then there is a time for a talk.

I have to echo what Rezie said here. I know it would be fun to make it a surprise, but it is also your first meeting and it would be much better if the two of you were on the same page for it. You can do a surprise visit down the road once you've sorted things out with one another.

It took my ex-SO and I about 2 years before we met in person. He wanted to come see me at first, but wasn't able to get a visa to do so, and after trying for many months, I said screw it and went there instead. Things don't always work out the way we plan!

I, too, am surprised that it was that hard to find someone close to your SO on social media! Then again, I also had an ex who did not use facebook (or myspace, or anything, really), and I understand that not having that network set up makes it pretty challenging to map out their social network.

[Redheart14]

I agree, just tell him you have the funds and it's important you meet so you want to go there. Sure, it's not how you planned it but if it helps the two of you meet sooner, it's worth it, right?

[Chris516]

Like the others have said, no surprise visit.

[AndyFace]

I agree with the previous coments, a surprise visit for the first visit is not a good idea. If I was in your position, I'd talk to him, consider why he'd rather visit you and get to an agreement. Maybe instead of you flying there you can get him a ticket so he can visit you?

I say this because me and my SO took 3 years to finally meet in person. I did not have the money to travel, and I didn't want her to come here because my country is really dangerous (don't wanna get into much detail) so the way we made it work was she paying for my flight there. Where I wanna get is that sometimes there are big reasons in why someone would rather visit you, but is nothing that a talk can't fix!

Good luck and I hope you meet your SO in person soon