Living together at university , parent problems

[Yolohello]

Hello everyone. Ive been in a ldr for 2 years now and have met my partner 3 times over this time. He lives in England and i live in Romania. We are both 18 , i live with my parents and he lives on his own. Ill be applying for university next year in the UK (I've wanted this even before i met him) and we would like to live together. We love each other very much and have undergone many difficulties together , especially my parents... They have met him because he stayed at our house.

He is a truly lovely partner and treats me incredibly well, is very caring and considerate and he is ready to do anything for me literally. He is studying and has all ambition to get his higher education and work in the field he has chosen to help people. We are very similar but a bit different too which i love! I am very logical and practical and anxious and socially awkward while he is more creative, artistic , out going, relaxed and communicative. We make a good team as we balance each other out as i help him do practical stuff better and he helps me relax and do things i enjoy like play the piano and draw and enjoy life more! He is also doing everything to make me happy and I've seen through the course of our relationship that he really loves me.

However , my parents , especially my father , are conservative of how a man should be or what my partner should be. They think my partner needs to be the stereotypical "intelligent" "smart dressed" person who knows how to do everything at such young age..they expect me and him to have life figured out and not have any bad habits to be flawless..they dont like that he is from another culture and country.They think he isnt well taught by his family just because he is more easy going and doesnt worry all the time about the tiniest things and they try to find the tiniest things to make him seem bad.They call him damaged (cus he had family issues) , think he doesnt have right manners or whatever which isnt true and call him a slob because he has a pair of different colored socks and he has a hole in one of his socks once and he didnt have any other socks but later he threw them away.They said he wont make a good husband cause he is going to embarass me infront of people with his socks like it sounds like complete non sense.ive been completly honest with him about everything theyre saying about him.They think we are too different to be together as im a "brainy" kind of person and he is more intuitive and artistic and all that.Theyre saying we shouldnt be together at all and that a serious relationship so early on is going to limit me from finding a good man...

This brings me to my question..i want to live with him but im afraid now from what theyre saying..would i be missing out from living the "uni life".I know he wouldnt limit me from going out and everything.Is it better to live with girl roomates?im very introverted and vegan so living with people who arent is hard because they often look down on me for it.It would much better and safer to live with my boyfriend cus we will share finances and food wont be a problem cause we eat the same way.Im sorry if this doesnt make sense...ive been close to my parents always but i feel im different around them cus they want me to be serious all the time i love them but what theyre doing is extreme.. i always try my best..i have perfect grades and everything but im never enough for them..i haveng told them i want to live with my boyfriend during uni cause they will freak out honestly...they said they would (not literally) kill themselves if i ever decided to live with him or marry him.They might forbid be from being with him or going there...they will not be funding my studies completly ill work on my own and ill pay the tuition fees on my own.Im very sorry if this is very confusing...i dont know what to do.Ive been suicidal because of these issues.I dont want to break up with him and i dont want to piss my parents off...i guess im pretty desperate any advice would be appreciated

[Muser07]

Sounds like your parents are being really harsh on you. They clearly care about you a lot and just want the best for you, which is fine.
But when they're making you feel this way, it's not fair. You've been with your boyfriend for a long time.
I think if you went to uni in the UK, and lived with your boyfriend, your parents would be annoyed with you. But they'd get over it. Your happiness is important. You can have an even balance of "uni life" while you're living with your boyfriend. It sounds like you need to sit down with your parents and tell them what you want. That he's not a bad person just because he has odd socks. I'm sure they'd understand.

[C.C.]

I am don't mean that you should disregard what they say but most of it sounds like they are just being overprotective of you and are finding every little reason they can find. It is sort of their way of showing that they want the best for you without really realising how much it hurts your feelings. Like seriously, are you sure most of those aren't empty threats?

As for telling them about it. There's one way only: you need to think it through, be sure that living with him is what you want and then not to ask your parents an advice but to tell them it as a fact and kind of show them that you are independent enough and you are doing it without them "allowing" you but you just need their support and them being with you through your decisions. Because you are an adult and you can and should be allowed to make them (decisions) for yourself.

I don't know how else to put it, you shouldn't have to make impossible decisions just because your parents are being impossible themselves. But you also should realise that you are in control of your life, not them.

[snow]

I have a feeling most of this is a cultural thing and sadly only learning culture is going to get you out of this misery. Your parents have a very specific world view and it doesn't match with yours or your boyfriends, so they will disapprove no matter what.

I believe you have to try and explain things that they dislike and make them see it through your / your boyfriends eyes.

All I can really say is, every realist needs a dreamer to help him reach for the stars and every dreamer needs a realist to keep him from soaring too high. I think you guys might be a good match for each other

[Yolohello]

Thank you all for your help i really appreciate it! Your answers definetly make me feel better cause their behavior triggered a feeling in me like i was doing something wrong. I hope they accept him one day anyway... Until then I'll have to go against them

[Honour]

Also wanted to add something for you to consider... you're 27, you're not exactly a child anymore, and it sounds to me as well as for cultural reasons, they seem to be forgetting that. Remind them gently but firmly, it's your life to live, not theirs.

[C.C.]

Also wanted to add something for you to consider... you're 27, you're not exactly a child anymore, and it sounds to me as well as for cultural reasons, they seem to be forgetting that. Remind them gently but firmly, it's your life to live, not theirs.

She's 18 not 27. She mentioned it in the initial post (even though in profile info she has written 27).

[Honour]

She's 18 not 27. She mentioned it in the initial post (even though in profile info she has written 27).

Ah I need new reading glasses then. My bad!

[Chris516]

OP, While I don't agree with your parents' referring to it as 'university life'(that would be a matter of definition as to what 'university life' is. If you were to go to a party school, I am sure your parents' wouldn't be happy after they told you that.

I do agree that you should not abandon your studies. Could you do visits during school breaks?

[Yolohello]

OP, While I don't agree with your parents' referring to it as 'university life'(that would be a matter of definition as to what 'university life' is. If you were to go to a party school, I am sure your parents' wouldn't be happy after they told you that.

I do agree that you should not abandon your studies. Could you do visits during school breaks?

I didnt understand you completly.Visit them or him?Of course im not going to abandon my studies ,infact my grades have gone up since im with my boyfriend.Yeah they think i need to go to parties and all that cause thats the "normal" thing to do..i dont like partying even tho ive tried it before i must say they just dont understand im more introverted and dont enjoy that kind of activities unless its in a small group and its about a bit more deep conversations not just drinking , smoking and small talk.

[sasad]

I didnt understand you completly.Visit them or him?Of course im not going to abandon my studies ,infact my grades have gone up since im with my boyfriend.Yeah they think i need to go to parties and all that cause thats the "normal" thing to do..i dont like partying even tho ive tried it before i must say they just dont understand im more introverted and dont enjoy that kind of activities unless its in a small group and its about a bit more deep conversations not just drinking , smoking and small talk.

Good for you keeping up with the grades etc!!!

University life is when we as parents, kinda let go. We want you to experience the living away from home, getting a taste of freedom etc. It really doesn't mean we want you out all night, smoking drinking etc. Its time for you to stretch your wings and see what it is that's out there. They are most likely concerned he will tie you down etc. If you are happy, you are living your life and not shutting off everyone, more power to you! Seriously, you are showing maturity and they really should be proud of that.

[Yolohello]

Good for you keeping up with the grades etc!!!

University life is when we as parents, kinda let go. We want you to experience the living away from home, getting a taste of freedom etc. It really doesn't mean we want you out all night, smoking drinking etc. Its time for you to stretch your wings and see what it is that's out there. They are most likely concerned he will tie you down etc. If you are happy, you are living your life and not shutting off everyone, more power to you! Seriously, you are showing maturity and they really should be proud of that.

Thank you very much for your reply i understand , i suppose that's the reason they're just afraid i wont get to experience the freedom of the student years because I'll have to be responsible for another person too other than myself technically cause i need to consider his feelings and opinions. Im not as worried about him holding me back because I'm a very awkward person who is afraid of trying new things that i really wanna try and i overthink and just miss out on stuff because of fear and he encouraged me to get out of my comfort zone and see that the world isn't so scary and that I'm perfectly fine the way i am and there's nothing to be ashamed about in myself. That's what i really value in our relationship that we encourage each other to improve always while accepting each other in the same time. This is why i think living with him is a good idea - I'll be with someone i love and can rely on in a country that is completely foreign to me.