Need advice on psychological matters

[sunmat]

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[autumn1790]

Might be entirely unrelated, but a sis of mine went through a time where she worked overnight and was so spooked all the time she had to have her bf nearby, even while doing simple things. Yes, it is unusual, and she might need professional help to overcome it. You can't be her every thing....eventually you will burn out, especially if you move there and she continues to have this issue. My advice would be to wait as you intended, and encourage her to seek help, make new friends, and try to make the best of things. Does she have any female coworkers she can hang out with?
Best of luck in what you decide to do!

[sunmat]

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[Chris516]

OP, Does she have the Euros' to buy a French-language program to help her learn the language? So she can learn it at her own pace. I have a German program on my computer. I was born in Berlin even though I am from the US. I have always been interested in German culture. Because my maternal side of the family came to the US in the early 20th century

With bugs, will she try to pick them up and put them somewhere, where they won't get hurt?

Describe her cleaning habits in further detail? Are we referring to something like using white gloves when dusting? Is she particular about where everything is, and not moving it even a 1\4in. from the spot it is on?

Her not spending time with co-workers, outside of work. Is completely understandable. They are not respecting her 'boundaries'.

[sunmat]

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[Rezie]

Was she happy about relocating to france? How did you decide on it? I'm trying to figure out that maybe she wasn't 100% comfortable with the idea or if the idea was nicer than the actual reality.

Moving to live on your own for the first time in an other country is a big change. I moved on my own when I was 19 years old, but I can imagine it getitng harder the older you get. This combined with it not being as nice as you expect (bugs and so on) can cause anxiety and stress.

She might have a bit of OCD, but to me her cleaning doesn't sound too bad yet. If I moved in to a furnished Place I would buy my own sheets or make sure they are properly cleaned. Especially if I see bugs around.

So could be normal anxiety over a big move that gets better once you live there or she is not happy about making the move. Time will tell. But remember that you are not responsible for her.

[sunmat]

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[Chris516]

Her company pays her French courses, so she has them every Wednesday evening.

For bugs, she bought Raid spray and emptied a full bottle this weekend, and another full bottle before going to work this morning.

As for cleaning habits, she basically needs two things: 1) her apartment must be impeccable in case she has guests (this means the outside of every piece of furniture must be in order, with no random object here and there, however the inside of closets and drawers can be disordered, it doesn't matter much since it's not visible), and 2) everything should be free of germs. She is mopping the bathroom floor after every shower, she spends her entire Saturday cleaning the full apartment (vacuum, dust, mop, furniture, bathroom and toilets, etc., etc.).

We took her apartment furnished, and for me it was already clean when we moved in. Apparently the owners had rented it through AirBnB for some time so it was well-maintained and had all the appliances and furniture we needed. But she still spent a full day cleaning it "her way", and she also removed all the bed covers, pillows, etc. that were originally there, stored them in a closet and bought new ones. She said it was to avoid using up the ones from the landlord so we won't have issues when moving out, but I think it was rather mostly because she felt uncomfortable sleeping in sheets that she didn't know if they had been cleaned well.

I don't think I need to be blunt about this. Since you already asked about psychological matters. It seriously sounds like she has OCD, or OCPD.

[Ejoriah]

Moving away from your parents is a big deal, and moving to a new country even more so. Is it possible that her being clingy is not so much because of the cleanliness issues, but because she feels overwhelmed about living on her own?

I remember having a pest problem at my first apartment that I had on my own and feeling waaay overwhelmed and not knowing how to "adult" so to speak. I pretty much made my then-boyfriend sleep over every night at that point (we were dating locally). Maybe with some time she will find her own independence and not be as clingy and reliant on you.

[sunmat]

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[sasad]

I don't think anyone here can say she has ocd or any kind of diagnosis on here. There are some pages from Mayo that have signs etc. That is up to a Doctor. I do not have OCD or OCPD, but when I first moved out, I was anal retentive about cleaning my house. Honestly, I would do the same thing with the sheets. I want my own ones and not the ones others have slept on. Some of it was due to loneliness, some was due to that was the only thing I felt I could control in my life as well. There are so many factors in play here. My advice to you is to not say " I think you should go to the Doctor because I feel there is something wrong with you"..
She sounds lonely and stressed out, and that she knows she is doing it is good. I also agree with others, she cant expect you to be her everything. I think you are doing great tbh.

[80anthea]

Yes, lets not try and diagnose serious, chronic psychiatric conditions on the basis of a few paragraphs on the internet. I too am a clean freak and if I saw bugs of any type in my house I'd freak out a little and clean extra hard, I'd also use my own bedding in a house I was renting. She does sound like she's struggling if she can't cope without hearing your voice all the time and could do with developing a few more independent coping strategies for when times are hard. How about recording her some things like readings, so that she can listen to them when she's feeling like she needs to hear your voice but so you don't have to stay on the phone the whole time? Then move it on to audio recordings by other people etc. You'll be there in a months time which is such a short amount of time but even in the long term there maybe times when she is alone in the house and so she could do with learning how to manage this.

[hmrambling]

I agree that I'm not in the position to diagnose anyone. I want to comment on silverfish, though. They are gross and disgusting and it is unlikely that a can (or a couple) of Raid will get rid of silverfish. Usually the entire home and foundation need to be treated. They are so small they can creep in from the floor or brick or the ceiling. It is enough to cause someone to be or feel paranoid. A better solution would be to notify the landlord so that the entire area can be treated or to get a garden sprayer that holds a gallon or two, and go talk to the DIY bug control store. We have a DIY bug control store. I treated a friend's house with my backpack sprayer that holds 4 gallons, spraying her foundation, brick exterior, and even sprayed all of her interior walls and baseboards.

However, I have a cockatiel inside my home, therefore I do *not* spray chemicals in my house for fear of killing my bird even though the chemicals say that they are safe. Therefore I do see the occasional silverfish and it is enough to freak anyone out. They are disgusting! I certainly would not judge anyone by their reaction. I wouldn't say she has some paranoia or any mental defect based on her reaction. I am usually startled when I see a silverfish, and then I feel silly because I know how to prevent and treat them, but refuse to do so in my own home due to owning a cockatiel.

Having established all of that, I cannot get in the business of diagnosing or fixing other people. I suggest you take care of yourself and use your discernment as to having healthy boundaries. Encourage her to work on her own mental health, and you do the same.

In case you didn't get what I said, silverfish are disgusting. Ok, I'm done talking about disgusting silverfish. lol

[sunmat]

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[Sparkling72]

I think you're doing great with her and having patience is important. If she's never been on her own, it's just going to take some time for her to adjust. I can understand having some anxiety about living alone for the first time, and she would probably not be as anxious if she were living in an apartment in her hometown... but alone for the first time, in a strange city, learning the language... yea, I'd be anxious too. Probably not as much as she it, but I'm a lot older and already went through all that. Just keep doing what your doing as best as you can to let her know you're there for her. And if she's a little OCD right now, it is like others have said, probably b.c cleaning is the only thing she can control right now. If it's too much to be there as much as you have been, maybe little by little you can wean her off of her neediness for you. Hang in there! Hopefully you can join her soon.