He loves me, but he isnt ready. Any hope?

[TaraMarie]

I'll call a spade a spade...... In just the short time you've been on here your posts are all about how he doesn't care. Get the picture? Move on and find someone who does. Don't wait a week with no contact to see if he changes his mind. You're only doing yourself a disservice.

[sasad]

I'll call a spade a spade...... In just the short time you've been on here your posts are all about how he doesn't care. Get the picture? Move on and find someone who does. Don't wait a week with no contact to see if he changes his mind. You're only doing yourself a disservice.

Thank you!! Look at Hmrabmlings chart and you can see the time line for all that happened..

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Not being in a relationship isn't the end of the world, you know. I've been getting the impression that you want so badly to be in one that it doesn't really matter with whom, as everyone here could see the two of you weren't good for each other. You even said in one of these responses about wanting to be in a relationship, without even saying with this guy. There are some people, I've known many, who just want the lovey-dovey relationship and have a difficult time of it when they aren't in one. Don't be one of those people, they're silly and annoying. Stop looking to be in a relationship and work on yourself. Question why you find it so hard to be single, and how come you can't be satisfied if you are. Then go find some things to do. Get hobbies, find friends, get more education, travel, whatever it takes to make you happy with yourself, as your own person. Learn, grow, be happy, all by yourself. Stop searching for your imagined other half, and be whole in yourself. Once you gain the maturity, confidence and self-awareness, good things will happen. You might even eventually find someone, once you stop searching so desperately. You have taken very little advice given you from this forum, so I don't expect you to take mine either, but I hope you at least think about it, and remember it when you need it. Good luck.

Before I met this guy, I was perfectly content being single, I said wanting to be in a relationship in context to him wanting to be single. He told me he issues w losing connection in his past relationships. Had he told me from the start more then likely i would have avoided the relationship all together. I didnt just jump in, we waited 2 months before meeting up and 2 more before making it official. I made the mistake of dating someone who had a lot of growing up to do. The reason why i want him so bad i guess is the fact that he rejected me and i dont value myself

[sasad]

Before I met this guy, I was perfectly content being single, I said wanting to be in a relationship in context to him wanting to be single. He told me he issues w losing connection in his past relationships. Had he told me from the start more then likely i would have avoided the relationship all together. I didnt just jump in, we waited 2 months before meeting up and 2 more before making it official. I made the mistake of dating someone who had a lot of growing up to do. The reason why i want him so bad i guess is the fact that he rejected me and i dont value myself

Again, there were so many issues with you both. You posted so many times about breaking up, deal breakers etc.
Stop doing this to yourself. You both need to grow up and stop playing the blame game. Your parents even mentioned you act like a teenager.. (That is not a slam against teenagers ) We only hear one side of relationship issues, so we don't really know how you were with him either.

Again, let it go, stop and give yourself time to find out who you are. Stop trying to be in a relationship just so you can be in a relationship. Let things progress naturally and don't try to force anything. You had been together for less than 6 months.

[hmrambling]

OP, you seem like someone who looks for validation in others. Your posts ooze of it, and it's hard to overlook. Here are some examples (just from this thread):

I feel abandoned and kind of worthless, not even worth fighting for.

I feel completely rejected.

Im supposedly an amazing person, Im still not wanted nor worth fighting for.

i dont value myself

By saying that you think that you are not worth fighting for, it seems like you want your ex or SO to chase you... you know, like they do in the movies and songs. In reality most of the time, when a relationship is over it's because the couple has already exhausted their means of staying together. To chase and want someone to chase you can be a sign of love addiction. Or low self esteem. Or codependency. Or fantasizing about what the future might have been. Or of denial. Regardless what it is a sign of, it is a huge indicator that there is work that you need to be doing on yourself.

Folks on the internet try to reassure you and support you, but that's not enough.

He probably tried to reassure you and support you, but that's not enough.

What needs to happen is that you need to find your value and know your own self worth. It's not uncommon for people to look for validation in other people, but it isn't necessarily healthy. Figure out your own self worth. Work on yourself. Try affirmations. Try a counselor. Socialize. You lost at least one friend along the way because she badmouthed your SO. Make more and new friends. Know your own worth and don't let other people tell you your worth. That's how you handle a break up in a mature manner.

[erwin1973]

@OP

Sorry and it isn't my style, but I am going to be pretty harsh on you. If you don't want to read it, stop reading here then.

I agree with some above that you can be better out of this relationship. It's all negavite we read from you. It's like a soap series, like Coranation Street or, as we know here in The Netherlands: "Goede tijden, slechte tijden" (Good times, bad times - ahtough I have no idea where the find the good times in the title).

All seemed to be negative. I myself don't want to be in a relationship that is only negative (and believe me, I have tried! I have tried hard to save my marriage! Against all odds!)

And then... being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship? Get yourself a dog. They are loyal and love you uncondtitianlly.

I think you have to work on yourself, get out some of your uncertainty about yourself, before you dive into a new relationship only for the sake of not being single. Nobody can make you happy if you are not happy with yourself.

[Sparkling72]

Thank you, all along i felt something was off, my gut instinct is never wrong. Im resentful he didnt tell me right away, he should have never let it get this far. If he has told me a couple months ago, I would be closer to being content and find a man who will move mountains for me.

I can understand completely that you feel hurt... but if you read again what you said... think about it. You knew something wasn't right and you deserve a man who will move mountains for you. Period! Remove everything else in between, hold your head HIGH and remember it's his loss, not yours. Break ups happen, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Make your world revolve around you before anyone else.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I suffer from anxiety due to bad relationships and friendships. I now tend to overanalyze everything esp since i didnt think about anything w my 1st love and i let myself be completely full of bliss.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I can understand completely that you feel hurt... but if you read again what you said... think about it. You knew something wasn't right and you deserve a man who will move mountains for you. Period! Remove everything else in between, hold your head HIGH and remember it's his loss, not yours. Break ups happen, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Make your world revolve around you before anyone else.

I broke down and rexred him. Even w my ex I stayed strong and I was very much in love. After oyr final talk, i never contacted him again. We were together for almost a year and spent almost all our time together. I dont get it, i have not been dating him long, saw him 2 months ago, something feels off 😑

[NewToLongDistance2016]

@OP

Sorry and it isn't my style, but I am going to be pretty harsh on you. If you don't want to read it, stop reading here then.

I agree with some above that you can be better out of this relationship. It's all negavite we read from you. It's like a soap series, like Coranation Street or, as we know here in The Netherlands: "Goede tijden, slechte tijden" (Good times, bad times - ahtough I have no idea where the find the good times in the title).

All seemed to be negative. I myself don't want to be in a relationship that is only negative (and believe me, I have tried! I have tried hard to save my marriage! Against all odds!)

And then... being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship? Get yourself a dog. They are loyal and love you uncondtitianlly.

I think you have to work on yourself, get out some of your uncertainty about yourself, before you dive into a new relationship only for the sake of not being single. Nobody can make you happy if you are not happy with yourself.

I never posted the positives, i guess i never focused on negatives in my 1st relationship

-he is always understanding when im down
-i could feel genuine love while we were together
-he never pressured me sexually, if i was uncomfortable he would stop
-always walked closer to the road
-never got rough w me, just talked softly
-never blamed me
-always encorages me
-looked out for me

[Mims27]

Being a good person and wanting to be in a relationship are two very different. He may be a nice guy to you but it doesn't mean he wants to be with you as a couple. Like others have said, nothing you have posted on here about your relationship has been positive. Why are you putting yourself through that? It should not be that complicated. Really. Relationships can have ups and down but yours seems to always be down. Move on and focus on yourself. He is not ready and you have to accept that.

[erwin1973]

Move on and focus on yourself. He is not ready and you have to accept that.

Or, if I may be so rude...
He has tried and tried and just gets tired of her negative attitude and not to hurt her, tells her he is not ready while actually just is happy he's out of it. Gentleman till the end...

[sasad]

Or, if I may be so rude...
He has tried and tried and just gets tired of her negative attitude and not to hurt her, tells her he is not ready while actually just is happy he's out of it. Gentleman till the end...

Again, we don't know his side of the story... He was pretty secretive as well, so being a gentleman to the end?? I don't think we can make that call.

It takes TWO people.

[erwin1973]

Of course it takes to two tango, I agree,
I was just speculating.

[sasad]

Of course it takes to two tango, I agree,
I was just speculating.

hah i totally agree with you off the record... Just have to wear my nice fairy crown once in a while