Hi Everyone,
I'm new here, this is my first post & I'm sure I'll find plenty of posts already up (I've read a few so far)
\
\\\that I can relate to!
I've been dating my boyfriend since late July 2016, we met 3 weeks prior and took
things slowly. A little background info...I'm 51 & divorced my husband of 23 years
(25 together) in 2010,did a lot of "me/alone" time after (my ex & I remain friends)
with most of the 6 years in between mydivorce & meeting my boyfriend as
Single years,which was necessary to find ME <3 My boyfriend is
35, I'm American, He's Nordic. I've raised 2 daughters, have 2 grandkids now
(all in CA where I just moved from back to NY)
and he's never been married nor lived with his past partners.
I am a definite Extrovert, though do like my quiet & alone time mostly
at night. He is more introverted, though also social but gets drained easily
being around people for a long time. We spent 2 months together in CA
when we first began dating, then he had to leave the States. We met in
Canada for a long weekend, then I didn't see him again until I went to
visit him for 2weeks in the U.K. almost 3 months later.
He was very accommodating when I stayed with him there (he was staying
by himself in a friends home), paid my transport & worked during the weekdays
so most days I went into London & occupied myself until he joined me in the
evenings. We spent every night together & he seemed content. I learned after
the fact when we traveled to stay with my brother & his family in early Jan.
that though he had made me welcome, it wasn't his "norm" and that it was too
much for him to spend each day with me. He'd mentioned before we got to
Florida (via a text) that when we were in Florida (via a text), that h'ed take
every other day for himself (camping) and I should bring books or good ideas
to occupy my days without him, then we'd spend the other days & nights
together.
I texted back that we'd talk about it...that' of course didn't seem rational to me.
When we got to my brother's, we got into it verbally because he was upset
that I questioned his wanting to take off to camp. He wanted me to realize that
in the past, he would have only spent 2, maybe 3 days per week with his partner
but that since he knew I desired more, he was willing to spend every other day
with me. I realize he is doing what he's not used to doing, and I do appreciate it,
though when I try to discuss it with him he gets annoyed thinking I don't support
him or want to change him. It's not that I want to change who he is, I'm truly
trying to wrap my mind & heart around how anyone in a new relationship, when
they are in love, wants to be away when they have the "Real Time" physically
to be together and for a short time!
We are meeting again in a few weeks for another vacation at my brother's
and I fully expect him to take off at least 2-3 nights of our 7 day/night vacation.
We generally spend about 2 months or so apart, with 7-10 days or so to be able
to be together. So my question is really 2 part....How do you all feel
about spending time with your LD Partner when you're able to get together.
Do you relish every moment of it, or do you feel you need space, perhaps
more than you have when you're alone all those weeks or months without
your partner? I can understand a few hours away from anyone who is more
introverted to clear their head & recharge their internal battery but an
overnight (or numerous ones) seems extreme to me.
Also...we've talked about me moving to the UK next Fall (we'd then be
dating 15 months LDR) and he wants me to get my own place first & "ease"
into living together down the road. I don't feel comfortable giving up my family
& country to be with a man who still wants to "date" rather than be ready to
live together. We do beautifully in the homes when we do spend time together,
very graceful & enjoyable.
Am I being unreasonable? He feels Men don't want to be with their partners as
much as the women would like. I can't help but wonder if he experienced some
hurt in the past, as it feels he's keeping up a "safety net", kind of like a "Come here,
stay back" energy at times. He flew here from Iceland to meet my parents, friends
& other family which was a HUGE deal. I do not question that he loves me or that
he is genuine, he's very good time me when we are together. It's the needing space
with so much space already that has me questioning what I should do. He has so
many great qualities & really is a sweet man, strong, caring, intelligent, funny..
any insight would be greatly appreciated & your personal stories too!
I'm new here, this is my first post & I'm sure I'll find plenty of posts already up (I've read a few so far)
\
\\\that I can relate to!
I've been dating my boyfriend since late July 2016, we met 3 weeks prior and took
things slowly. A little background info...I'm 51 & divorced my husband of 23 years
(25 together) in 2010,did a lot of "me/alone" time after (my ex & I remain friends)
with most of the 6 years in between mydivorce & meeting my boyfriend as
Single years,which was necessary to find ME <3 My boyfriend is
35, I'm American, He's Nordic. I've raised 2 daughters, have 2 grandkids now
(all in CA where I just moved from back to NY)
and he's never been married nor lived with his past partners.
I am a definite Extrovert, though do like my quiet & alone time mostly
at night. He is more introverted, though also social but gets drained easily
being around people for a long time. We spent 2 months together in CA
when we first began dating, then he had to leave the States. We met in
Canada for a long weekend, then I didn't see him again until I went to
visit him for 2weeks in the U.K. almost 3 months later.
He was very accommodating when I stayed with him there (he was staying
by himself in a friends home), paid my transport & worked during the weekdays
so most days I went into London & occupied myself until he joined me in the
evenings. We spent every night together & he seemed content. I learned after
the fact when we traveled to stay with my brother & his family in early Jan.
that though he had made me welcome, it wasn't his "norm" and that it was too
much for him to spend each day with me. He'd mentioned before we got to
Florida (via a text) that when we were in Florida (via a text), that h'ed take
every other day for himself (camping) and I should bring books or good ideas
to occupy my days without him, then we'd spend the other days & nights
together.
I texted back that we'd talk about it...that' of course didn't seem rational to me.
When we got to my brother's, we got into it verbally because he was upset
that I questioned his wanting to take off to camp. He wanted me to realize that
in the past, he would have only spent 2, maybe 3 days per week with his partner
but that since he knew I desired more, he was willing to spend every other day
with me. I realize he is doing what he's not used to doing, and I do appreciate it,
though when I try to discuss it with him he gets annoyed thinking I don't support
him or want to change him. It's not that I want to change who he is, I'm truly
trying to wrap my mind & heart around how anyone in a new relationship, when
they are in love, wants to be away when they have the "Real Time" physically
to be together and for a short time!
We are meeting again in a few weeks for another vacation at my brother's
and I fully expect him to take off at least 2-3 nights of our 7 day/night vacation.
We generally spend about 2 months or so apart, with 7-10 days or so to be able
to be together. So my question is really 2 part....How do you all feel
about spending time with your LD Partner when you're able to get together.
Do you relish every moment of it, or do you feel you need space, perhaps
more than you have when you're alone all those weeks or months without
your partner? I can understand a few hours away from anyone who is more
introverted to clear their head & recharge their internal battery but an
overnight (or numerous ones) seems extreme to me.
Also...we've talked about me moving to the UK next Fall (we'd then be
dating 15 months LDR) and he wants me to get my own place first & "ease"
into living together down the road. I don't feel comfortable giving up my family
& country to be with a man who still wants to "date" rather than be ready to
live together. We do beautifully in the homes when we do spend time together,
very graceful & enjoyable.
Am I being unreasonable? He feels Men don't want to be with their partners as
much as the women would like. I can't help but wonder if he experienced some
hurt in the past, as it feels he's keeping up a "safety net", kind of like a "Come here,
stay back" energy at times. He flew here from Iceland to meet my parents, friends
& other family which was a HUGE deal. I do not question that he loves me or that
he is genuine, he's very good time me when we are together. It's the needing space
with so much space already that has me questioning what I should do. He has so
many great qualities & really is a sweet man, strong, caring, intelligent, funny..
any insight would be greatly appreciated & your personal stories too!
. Give him some time..
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