Advice about making time

[Boabcc]

I've had a search but can't seam to find anything.

So can I ask what's peoples opinions about your better half making time to speak with you
Is there really such a thing as "Iam to busy"

Iam having a really hard time with this at the moment emotionally 😥

[Freebird]

In my opinion, when you really love someone, you make time. You make sacrifices to be able to talk to each other, whether its keeping your weekend open or waking up early to make up for time zone differences. Obviously everyone has their own life and things happen, but I think it is very important to make time to speak to someone you're in a relationship with as communication is SO important with LDRs.

I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt he wasn't as dedicated as I was with talking to each other. Eventually we straightened things out, talked about our issues, and we now have an amazing relationship.

[Boabcc]

Thankyou for your reply. Yes this is my thoughts,

Now I have to take into consideration this-
Iam from the uk, and she is from the phillipines. So we are brought up completely different, and also she has all her family visiting, mum brothers cousins ect,
So I understand she will be very busy hosting or doing whatever

But even still, I understand we can't text all the time like we used to but Taking 5 mins or 10 mins a day just to call? Is that really to much to ask?
Today ( valentines ) I haven't even got a good night message or anything.

Iam I just fighting a lot with my own head or am I being unreasonable

[Freebird]

I don't think that's too much to ask. I'd be pretty upset if I didn't even get a "hello, happy valentine's day" or "hey everything is fine, just busy with family." It is completely understandable to be occupied by guests, but it only takes a few seconds to shoot someone a text message to check in or give an update.

[Boabcc]

Exactly, no one is busy every second of the day

I don't know what to do now

[Rezie]

No-one is too busy to call or text the whole day. If there is will, there is a way. The phone calls don't have to last hours or texts don't have to be novels.

[Boabcc]

She has a few more days before the family goes back home ect,
I was thinking maybe be paitent and see if things go back to how they used to be?.

I think it's obvious Iam not a priority though 😞 Arrhhhh

[whatruckus]

That's a little weird. I'm only talking to someone right now, and we've only gone on one date, and he even said it to me today. We're both busy with full time jobs, but we still text throughout the day when we have time. I think this is something you may need to discuss with your SO.

[Boabcc]

Oh by the way we are engaged so
It is a serious thing, well that's what I feel anyway,

It's just the little things that make a very big difference
I will always text first thing in the morning before I do anything. And I will always message before going to bed,
She is my priority always. But I don't feel Iam as important ( is it just me being silly ? )

Oh another thing this is my very first ldr

But as I said, like tonight especially on Valentine's, I haven't had a goodnight or anything.
And there had been a few times she's already awake and out doing things yet I never have a good morning message,

I know she's 8 hours ahead of me and that's really hard,
But like you say it's not hard to shoot someone a general text update.
Or leave a voice message in whatsap ect

Again this could be my head and my in-experience or the fact being emotional makes your head go crazy

Should I talk to her about this?
Should I leave it and see how she is after the family has gone home.
I don't want that every time we talk there's a problem, we should be enjoying instead

( phillipines are very strong family people
And Iam British lol so you can imagine the difference

I dont know what else to say. Iam just feel Iam being destroyed from the inside out at the moment

I'm sorry

[whatruckus]

Oh by the way we are engaged so
It is a serious thing, well that's what I feel anyway,

It's just the little things that make a very big difference
I will always text first thing in the morning before I do anything. And I will always message before going to bed,
She is my priority always. But I don't feel Iam as important ( is it just me being silly ? )

Oh another thing this is my very first ldr

But as I said, like tonight especially on Valentine's, I haven't had a goodnight or anything.
And there had been a few times she's already awake and out doing things yet I never have a good morning message,

I know she's 8 hours ahead of me and that's really hard,
But like you say it's not hard to shoot someone a general text update.
Or leave a voice message in whatsap ect

Again this could be my head and my in-experience or the fact being emotional makes your head go crazy

Should I talk to her about this?
Should I leave it and see how she is after the family has gone home.
I don't want that every time we talk there's a problem, we should be enjoying instead

( phillipines are very strong family people
And Iam British lol so you can imagine the difference

I dont know what else to say. Iam just feel Iam being destroyed from the inside out at the moment

I'm sorry

First of all, do not ever apologize for the way you feel. Second of all, if this is something that bothers you this much, you have every right to bring it up. I don't think you're asking for much. The LDR I joined this site for, my ex was like your SO. It bugged me. We live in the same timezone, and only about 1 1/2 hr - 2 hr drive from each other. However, I knew when he was awake and knew his schedule and he would rarely message me. It was always me initiating. Plus, he would post on Facebook, but not message me...even after I'd already messaged him. Or, I'd see he "read" it but just ignored it. Drove me nuts. I hated when I would text him, or asked him a question, and then he'd ignore me, but post on Facebook through his phone.

There is no excuse really. A text or WhatsApp message literally takes 2 seconds. I'm sure everyone has more than 2 seconds in their day. Even if they're sitting on the toilet, lol.

The communication, or lack thereof, was a big thing in our relationship. No matter how many times I brought it up. He knew it bothered me, admitted he felt bad, and did not change it. I hope your SO isn't like that.

[Boabcc]

Very similar,
She won't read my message and then sit on fb, but there's times she will read my messages and not reply for ages ( busy? Maybe )
And yes I have mentioned that she needs to talk to me about anything and everything big or small Iam always just here for her
and include me with things
And she knows I get upset with the lack of communication, yes she will eventually apologise and explain she knows how it feels.
But here we are again,
Me left lonely over thinking
Even to the point of wondering if there is another person she's talking to ect.

[Boabcc]

I know she is dedicated to her family and there's a lot of them lol

What Iam hoping to god is this
Family comes first and I respect that and I hope when the family go home that she will then be dedicated to me

Because I feel if she can be that dedicated to her family that much then I think I have something good to hold on to.

She will wake soon about half hour or so.
6am there, I wonder what will be said.
I'll update you

[whatruckus]

Well, I'm Chinese-American. My family is always my first priority, but even at family parties/gatherings, I find time to text my friends or my SO (when I had one). Heck, I was at Chinese New Year at my grandma's 2 weeks ago with most of my family, and I was still texting the guy I'm talking to. Not the whole day, but a couple texts telling him how good the food was, and the Red Envelopes I got.

Like I said, everyone has 2 seconds in their day, even if they go to the loo. Haha.

[Boabcc]

Yes I agree. I don't know how to explain this to her without upsetting her.
I always make time for her and she's always on my mind even if Iam busy I will stop what Iam doing to reply. The only exception would be at work

[rache82]

In my opinion, when you really love someone, you make time. You make sacrifices to be able to talk to each other, whether its keeping your weekend open or waking up early to make up for time zone differences. Obviously everyone has their own life and things happen, but I think it is very important to make time to speak to someone you're in a relationship with as communication is SO important with LDRs.

I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt he wasn't as dedicated as I was with talking to each other. Eventually we straightened things out, talked about our issues, and we now have an amazing relationship.

Way to go, and I could not agree more.
My partner is fantastic! We're halfway around the world, yet we speak about three times a day; Couldn't be happier with our communication, the frequency and just him in general.
Going from a brief LDR last year to this, I know it's the real deal. My ex only made time for me once a week for about two hours or so; crazy!
Best of luck OP!