Creepy neighbor

[sunmat]

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[dglynn77]

That can be a stressful situation for sure, and I think your idea for handling it is perfect! The text you wrote sounds perfect for the situation for sure!

Best of luck!

(Also, do you both have auto-answer on your Skype video so she can call you and hang out with you while you are asleep? It might make her feel better just feeling near you at night. We used to do that a lot when we were LD.)

[sunmat]

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[Rezie]

If I hadn't read your previous thread I would advise for you to just ignore it for now. If this guy has only appearred behind the door once and left a note (the note was very polite) then I would ignore it and if it was to happen again I would let him know I wasn't interested. But taken into account your girlfriends anxiety I think your way of handling is very good. There is a risk of it happening again or could be that he was trying his luck and and now lets her be. If he does it again then let the building society, council, owner...whatever is in charge of the building know so they can give him a warning.

[dglynn77]

I didn't know about this feature, thanks. But apparently I can't enable it just for one person, and besides I'm guessing if my Mac enters sleep mode it won't work (if you have figured out solutions to all of that, let me know!)

We had to create new skype accounts with only each other as contacts. And just change your Mac settings for nights so as not to save power/battery and run all night. Just remind her to mute herself when she calls you so as not to wake you up immediately unless she needs something.
I struggled with some anxiety while we were LD, so I would call him and hang out with him while he was already asleep! I just had to mute my end so I wouldn't wake him up, and then I could just study or whatever while listening to him breathing and his fan running and such. It helped me feel less far away!

[sasad]

If I hadn't read your previous thread I would advise for you to just ignore it for now. If this guy has only appearred behind the door once and left a note (the note was very polite) then I would ignore it and if it was to happen again I would let him know I wasn't interested. But taken into account your girlfriends anxiety I think your way of handling is very good. There is a risk of it happening again or could be that he was trying his luck and and now lets her be. If he does it again then let the building society, council, owner...whatever is in charge of the building know so they can give him a warning.

Agreed. He really hasn't been creepy, he sound more shy than anything. I think your text was a little more agressive imho. The guy did give a business card and it has only been one time asking. You will be neighbors and unless he gets creepy, let it go. My only difference would be for HER to say thanks but no thanks. She doesn't need to give him her number at all to do that, just slip one back, or just say no when she sees him is all it needs. All she need is a - I have a fiancé, biyfriend etc. He may contact her again if he thinks she didn't get the note. Boys have it tough asking girls out. They do get reflected etc., and that has to be stressful for them as well.

[sunmat]

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[sasad]

Well asking someone out isn't creepy, you're right. But doing so by knocking at someone's door in the middle of the night definitely is. Plus given the guy's age and the fact that she already mentioned she has a boyfriend...

It's my "i believe evrery one is good night".
He had a note ready so maybe he thinks she was either awake or not home?
50? It's the new 30 :P. I so dont look anywhere near 50, and you both are nearer 30 ?
Also, you dont know if it was a romantic thing. Maybe he is lonely and doesn't feel threatened if he knows she has a boyfriend. Or maybe he is bi or homosexual?
Again, he may just be a harmless lonely person looking for a non gf type relationship is all.

Gosh.. cant wait till good fairy day is over for me.

[Sparkling72]

Maybe he saw her light was on and that was why he knocked? I agree with everyone else that she should slip a note in his mail box and say she is in a committed relationship. Maybe he heard the word "boyfriend" and decided that she's not married, still single? It can be difficult to judge a person's true intentions, but he didn't corner her in a dark alley and try to seduce her. If someone asked me out like he did, I would be flattered, but cordially decline.

As I typed that, I did recall a time when my XH and I were separated and I had moved out and rented an apartment. I met a guy who seemed pretty okay while I took the kids to the pool to swim. He asked to walk us back to our apartment since it was dark and I agreed. He did a similar thing, stuck a note in my door asking me out. I declined b/c at the time, I wasn't giving up on my marriage yet.

[Chris516]

Not sure that's the right section to put this, but I need advice on how to react to something (you guys are the only community I interact with, besides my friends on facebook, and that's not something I'd share on facebook).

Tonight as we were chatting on Skype with my girlfriend, someone knocked at her door several times (it was past midnight for her). She didn't open. The person eventually slipped a note under her door. The note read: "Hi X! Do you want to dine tuesday evening w/me? Please reply shortly. Y. Z [and a phone number]", replace X by my girlfriend's first name, Y by the guy's signature and Z by the name of a fancy restaurant.

My girlfriend got very scared, she called the police. They told her it was probably a drunk neighbor who noticed her and got the guts to try and ask her out, and not to worry about it.

From the phone number, we found out that it's her 50-year-old neighbor. She saw the guy only once before, in the elevator, he gave her his business card (that's how we could check that it was his phone number) and asked her if she was living alone. She said she has a boyfriend and was awaiting me to arrive. Apparently the guy is a Norwegian businessman (his phone number has the Norway extension).

I said she had several options: 1) ignore him, which could lead to more knocking on door late at night or awkward situations if she meets him in the hallway again; 2) send him a polite text declining the offer in a way that makes it clear she is not single (for this option she said this would give the guy her phone number, which she doesn't want); 3) put a note in his mailbox tomorrow to decline the offer; 4) I would be the one texting him.

We settled for the 4rth option. Here is the text I plan to send him tomorrow, along with a picture of his note (it's going to be on whatsapp so he will have my name, he won't think she is making this up):
"Hi, I’m X’s boyfriend. We got your note. We will be delighted to get to know our neighbors better once our busy schedule clears up (next month). We will let you know then. If you need to contact us, please use my number or our mailbox downstairs, we are more likely to respond shortly than at a midnight knock on our door. Thanks"

What do you guys think? How would you react in this situation (in her place or in mine)? What would you do if the guy was insisting?

(Note: if you read some of my previous posts you know that for the past 2 weeks my girlfriend needed me on whatsapp when going to sleep, and we have been leaving whatsapp open until I'm going to bed myself. This event made it worse: we currently have left Skype while she sleeps, and she asked me not to close it when I go to bed).

OP, I am concerned, too. I like your 'diplomatic' response to his note.

[sunmat]

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[TaraMarie]

She needs to get a big dog. With a big bark.

[sasad]

I haven't sent him anything, my girlfriend asked me not to. She thought he would "get the hint" if she simply did not reply.
But today he rang her doorbell at 23:30, then again at 00:30.

I'm more and more concerned...

Because she ignored him. I think a bunch of us said to just tell him thanks but no thanks.. Call the apartment manager.
Is it your GF telling you this is happening?

[sunmat]

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[Hawkes]

I doubt it's anything to worry about the guy is probably just lonely. He'll get the message if she tells him flat out that she is not interested and has a boyfriend I'm sure.