Met a guy who is a little closer?

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Like R&R said.. slow it down and relax. Learn to be friends. I was Navy, and yes the military owns you. Working for NSGA, you could NOT use a cell phone.perod. And that job was not classified as combat. Dont assume that noncombat =cell phone usual all day!A lot of people cant use cell phones at work as well, and. I know you stressed out big time with the other guy. He mostlikely wont be texting you during the day and if he is on assignment.
Learn to be a friend. Let stuff grow is what i am trying to say.

Sadly my ex has kinda ruined my perspective, I wish I could go in w/no biases, but I guess its more like guilty and until they prove otherwise. I just hate being strung along, its nice to know that him being in the military does limit how much he can contact me. Would be wrong to ask how much contact he is comfortable w/? If its ok how long do I wait before asking? I made so mistakes in my last relationship and had I set boundaries and felt it out, I prob would have saved time and heartache.

[sasad]

Sadly my ex has kinda ruined my perspective, I wish I could go in w/no biases, but I guess its more like guilty and until they prove otherwise. I just hate being strung along, its nice to know that him being in the military does limit how much he can contact me. Would be wrong to ask how much contact he is comfortable w/? If its ok how long do I wait before asking? I made so mistakes in my last relationship and had I set boundaries and felt it out, I prob would have saved time and heartache.

Methinks the lady doth text too much.
You met for coffee one time. He told ou he cant text during work. Don't push him away trying to get him to set stuff in stone. I think you said he drops the convo? Why not call him once in a while and stop basing relationships on texts.
So if he says twice a day, is that going to upset you>. If he says he really doesn't like texts is that going to make you mad?
You can set boundaries by all means, just not fair when you have had one date at a coffee shop.

[Rezie]

Sadly my ex has kinda ruined my perspective, I wish I could go in w/no biases, but I guess its more like guilty and until they prove otherwise. I just hate being strung along, its nice to know that him being in the military does limit how much he can contact me. Would be wrong to ask how much contact he is comfortable w/? If its ok how long do I wait before asking? I made so mistakes in my last relationship and had I set boundaries and felt it out, I prob would have saved time and heartache.

Yes it would be wrong. You've had one date. If someone I had met once was talking about boundaries I would run away screaming. Dating is figuring out if there is something that could turn into a relationship. It's not being strung along, it's just dating. These are conversations to have when you have met a few times and are thinking of defining your relationship.

[hmrambling]

How do I determine his interest level?

Army enlistees are not aliens. How do you determine if any guy is into you?

Anyone have experience dating in the army? Is it hard to keep in touch? He did tell me he couldn't have his phone on him when working.

Yes, I have plenty of experience with dating while I was in the Army... meaning that I dated a lot of girls at once and kept up sexual relations with them all. Some married, some enlisted, some were wives of enlisted soldiers while the soldiers were at war in Croatia. I had a girl back home while I was out screwing around all over Europe, too. So yeah, I had plenty of experience. It's difficult keeping up multiple relationships at one time. Go Army!

I didn't have my phone on me during office hours. That definitely would have complicated things.

Even now that I'm not in the Army screwing around, I don't text constantly even though I do have my phone on. I need to work when I am at work. I'm not on standby for texts when I am working. I am at work to work.

The thing is he isn't on the combat side of the army.

Neither was I. But I was activated to go overseas during wartime just the same.

I'm hoping he communicates w/me more and we can enjoy dates like our first one (I stole a kiss haha).

What's haha about stealing a kiss? Perhaps the communication you need to be working on is CONSENT.

[lovestoread]

Please don't give me any hate for this, meeting the new guy was completely unexpected. I went to a social even that I volunteer at every year. Usually if I do meet a guy, I never see him ever again even though he shows interest in me. Anyways I met this guy and he seems really into me! We had a date Sunday, he waited 2 hours before I finished and stayed late despite having a couple hour drive home, he was determined to find a coffee shop that we could sit and talk. Unlike my ex, this guy has a lot going on life, he is in the army and told me he works 12+ hours a day. We talked about getting together again, but its going to be very slow. How do I determine his interest level? We do text back and forth, but he does drop out of the convo and I plan on waiting for him to text.

Just take it slow,get to know him first and be friends with him first before you get in a relationship with him,just don't rush it.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Yes it would be wrong. You've had one date. If someone I had met once was talking about boundaries I would run away screaming. Dating is figuring out if there is something that could turn into a relationship. It's not being strung along, it's just dating. These are conversations to have when you have met a few times and are thinking of defining your relationship.

Just trying to gauge his interest, though he isn't the only guy I'm talking to (made that mistake, not again).

[sasad]

Just trying to gauge his interest, though he isn't the only guy I'm talking to (made that mistake, not again).

And again, you had ONE coffee date.. Please don't keep over analyzing. This is what appeared to have pushed your ex away as well.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

And again, you had ONE coffee date.. Please don't keep over analyzing. This is what appeared to have pushed your ex away as well.

Yeah I really do not to push this guy away. I don't think I pushed my ex away, I did push myself on someone who was 1/2 or less interested, he never actually tried that hard. So for me its a balance of not pushing him away and making sure we are both on the sameish page.

[sasad]

isnt that what dating is?? Please, for Gods sake, slow down..

[Harlequin]

I'm inclined to agree with everyone telling you to slow down. Just relax and take things one step at a time. I don't see anything wrong with you asking us what military relationships are like, because not everyone can handle it (and that's totally fine), and it's better you get perspective from people living it first before considering diving into one yourself if you're unsure.
Again, yes, slow down. However, if you do not think you can handle the spontaneity or the lack of communication that's going to come with the territory, then there's nothing wrong with not pursing anything even if he seems interested. So like, you can't hold him on trial for things that the government is making him do. So if you're not getting the amount of communication that you want, or if you made plans and he has to cancel them last minute/can't get leave in order to make them work, then you gotta suck it up and roll with it. These are just things to keep in mind.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I'm inclined to agree with everyone telling you to slow down. Just relax and take things one step at a time. I don't see anything wrong with you asking us what military relationships are like, because not everyone can handle it (and that's totally fine), and it's better you get perspective from people living it first before considering diving into one yourself if you're unsure.
Again, yes, slow down. However, if you do not think you can handle the spontaneity or the lack of communication that's going to come with the territory, then there's nothing wrong with not pursing anything even if he seems interested. So like, you can't hold him on trial for things that the government is making him do. So if you're not getting the amount of communication that you want, or if you made plans and he has to cancel them last minute/can't get leave in order to make them work, then you gotta suck it up and roll with it. These are just things to keep in mind.

He actually tried to set up a date for this weekend, sadly I can't cause of work, but hopefully next weekend. That shows effort on his part though. I can adapt to the amt of communication, seeing as that is actually out of his control. My ex didn't communicate cause he plain didn't want to or was lazy. If I need to adapt I will, but I will not settle for someone who doesn't want to be w/me.

[sasad]

He actually tried to set up a date for this weekend, sadly I can't cause of work, but hopefully next weekend. That shows effort on his part though. I can adapt to the amt of communication, seeing as that is actually out of his control. My ex didn't communicate cause he plain didn't want to or was lazy. If I need to adapt I will, but I will not settle for someone who doesn't want to be w/me.

No. Your ex didn't communicate with you the way YOU wanted it... Why are you so desperate for a relationship can I ask?

[80anthea]

You've admitted in the past that you have huge anxiety issues when people don't reply to you or can't communicate. Is potentially entering a relationship with someone in the military really a good idea for you? Have you done anything yet to address your anxiety issues?

[erwin1973]

Just trying to gauge his interest, though he isn't the only guy I'm talking to (made that mistake, not again).

So are you fully into this guy, or not?
I don't think I understand you, actually...
You said you want to date him, in my opinion dating is exclusive (you might not share that opinion and I am fine with that) but I am not sure what you want. In my humble opinion, you can concentrate on only one, but if you think you can concentrate on two or more: good luck.

No. Your ex didn't communicate with you the way YOU wanted it... Why are you so desperate for a relationship can I ask?

I have to agree here. Not everyone is the same. Some might go for less communication. And if you need more intens, you can't blame the other. Whenever my SO and I are in a disagreement, I always ask her what I did that made her feel that way. I never - I repeat: NEVER - lay the blame on her. I did something that triggered her to respond in a certain way, so I have to look into myself for what I did wrong.

You've admitted in the past that you have huge anxiety issues when people don't reply to you or can't communicate. Is potentially entering a relationship with someone in the military really a good idea for you? Have you done anything yet to address your anxiety issues?

Yes, that was what I was wondering too...

It's not that I don't want you to be happy, but I have the idea you are getting youself into something you are not (yet) ready for. You're young enough to work on yourself, do that first. Get yourself together. I personally don't think that diving into a new relationship so soon after a break-up - with all the things you've been adressing about that - is a good idea.

But I wish you all good, I hope you're going to be very happy with this guy. Just look into yourself what you can do to make this work.

[Rezie]

[QUOTE=erwin1973;434029] So are you fully into this guy, or not?
I don't think I understand you, actually...
You said you want to date him, in my opinion dating is exclusive (you might not share that opinion and I am fine with that) but I am not sure what you want. In my humble opinion, you can concentrate on only one, but if you think you can concentrate on two or more: good luck. [QUOTE]

This is a bit off topic but this comed down to defining words. I personally consider dating as an opportunity to get to know a person a bit better and being available to see others as well. Then the relationship is exclusive

OP: Just take it easy, okay