Met a guy who is a little closer?

[erwin1973]

I think we agree to disagree on this topic... For me, I can concentrate on only one person. May it not work out, may be I find another. But for sure I cannot date more then one at a time. That is why I said 'in my opinion'...

But that's me...

[whatruckus]

I think you really need to slow down.

If communication issues are what led to your break up in your last relationship, like others have said, because you were so anxious...you need to evaluate if entering a military relationship (if it gets that far, don't get too ahead of yourself) is a good idea. When my Ex was in the Army, I couldn't talk to him when he was "active", or away with his Unit. I used to get really anxious, but I learned to do my own thing and try not to nag on him too much. Like others have said, the military owns him. Yes, literally. He will be at their every beck and call because that is his job, and his priority. If you can not handle not being his #1, because you will not be, then it will definitely not be for you. If you have plans with him, and they call him, or someone in his Unit needs him, he will cancel on you. Even if you're already on a date, he will cancel and leave early. It happened with my Ex a lot. I never got upset, because I understood. You can not get mad at him if this happens, and you can not get mad at him if he "disappears" while in the middle of conversation, or a schedule chat doesn't happen. The military is above his family and friends, and every relationship he has or will have. Understand that.

Not to be harsh, but you do seem a little overzealous about the prospect of starting a relationship with this guy, when you've only gone on 1 date with him. Plus, no offense to any military people, but military guys don't have the best reputation. But then again, neither do their SO's. Be cautious, and don't get your hopes up so much because it seems like you're already trying to plan everything.

This stage of casual dating that you're entering isn't about making solid plans. It's about just going with flow and seeing where things take you. Trying to plan so much and figure out so much about him after only one coffee date and a few days of messages isn't a good idea, and it's probably going to scare him away and make him feel trapped. My experience with guys in the arm, my Ex and his "brothers" included, is that commitment scares a lot of them. Harlequin is lucky because she dated her Fiancé for a while before he entered the Air Force, so they already established that level of commitment and were serious and open about everything.

If you're worried about his communication styles now, and if he will be like your ex and "disappear", this guy isn't for you. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just being honest.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

So are you fully into this guy, or not?
I don't think I understand you, actually...
You said you want to date him, in my opinion dating is exclusive (you might not share that opinion and I am fine with that) but I am not sure what you want. In my humble opinion, you can concentrate on only one, but if you think you can concentrate on two or more: good luck.



I have to agree here. Not everyone is the same. Some might go for less communication. And if you need more intens, you can't blame the other. Whenever my SO and I are in a disagreement, I always ask her what I did that made her feel that way. I never - I repeat: NEVER - lay the blame on her. I did something that triggered her to respond in a certain way, so I have to look into myself for what I did wrong.



Yes, that was what I was wondering too...

It's not that I don't want you to be happy, but I have the idea you are getting youself into something you are not (yet) ready for. You're young enough to work on yourself, do that first. Get yourself together. I personally don't think that diving into a new relationship so soon after a break-up - with all the things you've been adressing about that - is a good idea.

But I wish you all good, I hope you're going to be very happy with this guy. Just look into yourself what you can do to make this work.

I am into this new guy and planning on taking it slow. I know exactly what I did wrong in my last relationship, I went after a guy who wasn't ready or willing. Should have taken it a lot slower. I know why I have been so insecure, the last 2 guys I dated were emotionally immature. Yeah my 1st relationship (CD of a year), did not work out, but I handled it a lot better then my last one and I really did care about my ex. When I started dating again, I was wary, but a lot less insecure. Maybe I just didn't let it drag for longer then it needed to? Prob. I tried several times to talk to my ex about communication, he would apologize for being lazy, a bad bf etc, improve a little, then it would get worse. If he had told me his comfort level of communication, I would be fine w/that because then I would understand that its not a personal thing. Btw as I said I didn't plan on meeting someone like this guy so soon, I did join dating sites, but I know it takes a little while to weed out the weirdos before you stumble on someone pretty decent.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

I think you really need to slow down.

If communication issues are what led to your break up in your last relationship, like others have said, because you were so anxious...you need to evaluate if entering a military relationship (if it gets that far, don't get too ahead of yourself) is a good idea. When my Ex was in the Army, I couldn't talk to him when he was "active", or away with his Unit. I used to get really anxious, but I learned to do my own thing and try not to nag on him too much. Like others have said, the military owns him. Yes, literally. He will be at their every beck and call because that is his job, and his priority. If you can not handle not being his #1, because you will not be, then it will definitely not be for you. If you have plans with him, and they call him, or someone in his Unit needs him, he will cancel on you. Even if you're already on a date, he will cancel and leave early. It happened with my Ex a lot. I never got upset, because I understood. You can not get mad at him if this happens, and you can not get mad at him if he "disappears" while in the middle of conversation, or a schedule chat doesn't happen. The military is above his family and friends, and every relationship he has or will have. Understand that.

Not to be harsh, but you do seem a little overzealous about the prospect of starting a relationship with this guy, when you've only gone on 1 date with him. Plus, no offense to any military people, but military guys don't have the best reputation. But then again, neither do their SO's. Be cautious, and don't get your hopes up so much because it seems like you're already trying to plan everything.

This stage of casual dating that you're entering isn't about making solid plans. It's about just going with flow and seeing where things take you. Trying to plan so much and figure out so much about him after only one coffee date and a few days of messages isn't a good idea, and it's probably going to scare him away and make him feel trapped. My experience with guys in the arm, my Ex and his "brothers" included, is that commitment scares a lot of them. Harlequin is lucky because she dated her Fiancé for a while before he entered the Air Force, so they already established that level of commitment and were serious and open about everything.

If you're worried about his communication styles now, and if he will be like your ex and "disappear", this guy isn't for you. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just being honest.

I appreciate your honesty and it was communication that put the nails in the coffin of my last relationship. The biggest thing though was me trying to figure out a better way and getting a feel for my ex and he didn't want to. I can understand if someone has a commitment, my ex had none and still didn't have time for me. This guy is making time for me, as mentioned before he wants to get together again. We are trying to plan because he works during the week and I work during the weekend, he also lives a couple hours drive away.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

No. Your ex didn't communicate with you the way YOU wanted it... Why are you so desperate for a relationship can I ask?

As I have mentioned before, meeting him was completely random. Finding a guy w/my religious/political and moral views has been the hardest thing about dating, so I do want to keep in touch and maybe eventually a relationship. W/my ex, even my family has commented that he never really paid much attention to me and even noticed when he came here, he already wanted nothing to do w/us. His flight was cancelled for one day, he had no obligations the next day and he was pissed. I would be excited to spend an extra day w/my bf. I get a gut feeling when someone doesn't want to be w/me and I've been right every time. He even admitted that he lost connection to me (even before I brought everything up) and it had happened to him before in other relationships w/his exes.

[sasad]

\facepalm

[whatruckus]

I appreciate your honesty and it was communication that put the nails in the coffin of my last relationship. The biggest thing though was me trying to figure out a better way and getting a feel for my ex and he didn't want to. I can understand if someone has a commitment, my ex had none and still didn't have time for me. This guy is making time for me, as mentioned before he wants to get together again. We are trying to plan because he works during the week and I work during the weekend, he also lives a couple hours drive away.

Still though, honestly don't read too much into his actions right now. Just because he's trying to plan things right now doesn't mean it's going to stay that way. It's the beginning. He's excited. Just like I'm sure your Ex was.

If the communication bothers you that much, I'm really not sure if this guy would be right for you. You say now that if he has a commitment it wouldn't bother you that much, but you keep bringing up your Ex and how huge it was for you. I feel like even if you know this new guy has his obligation to the military, that you would still not be okay with it.

Another thing with Military guys is that they reallyyyyyyyyy don't like being nagged. Like at all. They get it enough from their superiors, and if he's a higher rank at say...a Sgt. or something, he's going to have guys under him and he'll have to deal with them nagging him as well. My Ex was a Sgt, and he would tell me how annoying some of the Privates were because they hassled him with questions all the time through text and phone call. Also, be prepared because they not as open with their emotions. The military trains that right out of them. Even if he's non-combat, it's part of his Basic. Show no compassion, no empathy, and no sympathy because the enemy surely wouldn't, in case for whatever reason he did have to see combat.

[erwin1973]

I rest my case.

[NewToLongDistance2016]

Still though, honestly don't read too much into his actions right now. Just because he's trying to plan things right now doesn't mean it's going to stay that way. It's the beginning. He's excited. Just like I'm sure your Ex was.

If the communication bothers you that much, I'm really not sure if this guy would be right for you. You say now that if he has a commitment it wouldn't bother you that much, but you keep bringing up your Ex and how huge it was for you. I feel like even if you know this new guy has his obligation to the military, that you would still not be okay with it.

Another thing with Military guys is that they reallyyyyyyyyy don't like being nagged. Like at all. They get it enough from their superiors, and if he's a higher rank at say...a Sgt. or something, he's going to have guys under him and he'll have to deal with them nagging him as well. My Ex was a Sgt, and he would tell me how annoying some of the Privates were because they hassled him with questions all the time through text and phone call. Also, be prepared because they not as open with their emotions. The military trains that right out of them. Even if he's non-combat, it's part of his Basic. Show no compassion, no empathy, and no sympathy because the enemy surely wouldn't, in case for whatever reason he did have to see combat.

I'll keep that in mind, though as much as I know the beginning is exciting, that excitement shouldn't die. Maybe wrong of me, but I see the relationships my family members have, no matter how many years have passed, they are still in love and excited to be w/each other. Most of the married people in my family, grandparents, parents, aunts/uncles, etc have been happily married for 30+ years. It was lack of communication, but also lack of quality as well.