Me and my boyfriend have been going through bit of a rough patch and have been trying to solve the whole closing the distance thing. A while ago we had a conversation and we wanted to discuss what we don’t like about each other. In a constructive way that we are more aware in case we close the distance and move in. He mentioned that one thing about me is my money spending. I was a bit taken by this since I pride myself being good with money and I think he spends money on useless things. He also said that he sometimes feels like I expect him to pay for my stuff.
He explained that he remembers time when he was broke and could barely afford to eat or pay rent. This made him cautious with money and doesn’t like spending. Since I haven’t really experienced being poor I spend money too much. This part is true that I’ve never experienced being poor. When I was a student I didn’t have anything extra but I could manage and since then I’ve always had a job. My job has a really crappy pay but I live alone so it is enough for me.
I have never ever expected him to pay for me. I assumed that I pay this time, you pay the next have been quite fair. When we started to date I was still a student and he was working so back then he paid more and he really made a big deal about how he wants to pay for stuff. I guess when the time passed and he still makes a lot more than I do he has paid for the more expensive stuff and I’ve paid for the less expensive stuff. But only if he has offered. Never have I expected. He did pay for our holiday once. He did the booking and I said that I’ll transfer him my share. He said that I don’t have to and I obviously said that of course I will. He kept saying that my share of the holiday costs the same as what he makes at work in 3 days. I agreed but said that during the holiday I will pay for everything. Now I’m thinking did this actually bother him?
The main problem is that I like to spend money on food, travel and experiences. Nothing insanely expensive. For example we travelled in central Europe once and I wanted to go to a rooftop bar that was fairly expensive. In my opinion it was one of those things that I would want to visit once and the view would be great. He thought it was a waste of money because the drinks would be cheaper at a local pub and the view can be seen from somewhere else. Also I like to cook and on the weekends I enjoy cooking something more special that costs a bit more than my everyday meals. He likes to eat in cheap restaurants often and I prefer cooking at home more and then go out to a fancier restaurant less often. In his opinion it’s a waste to pay so much for one dinner. I enjoy having a day out instead of staying in. Such as taking the bus and going to the neighboring town to have ice cream at the seaside. In his opinion if it is something that I want to do then I would pay for it and then the other way around. He also did admit that because I want to do stuff he gets to experience more also in his hometown. While I somewhat agree with him, but at the same time I think it can’t really work like that either.
Obviously we will talk about this and I would like to offer a solution that will satisfy us both at least in the beginning of him coming over. And then he can share his opinion. I’m fully aware that I don’t have to do everything with him but I wouldn’t want to live too separate lives either. Here is what I was thinking that would be fairly fair. As long as he is unemployed I would pay for rent and utilities. When eating out we would buy our own meals. If having drinks then one round and the other one gets the second. When cooking at home we could split the bill so I would pay 2/3 if we shop together since I’m working and he has income form the flats he is renting and try to find balance of cheap meals and more expensive meals. If he is shopping on his own then he would pay. When one wants to do something that costs the other person has to say if they would prefer not to use money for it and gives the other one an opportunity to decide if they want to pay for other person or find company that would enjoy the activity. If it is something we both want to do the we would pay our own way. This would be my idea at the beginning till we find a flow that will be suitable for both and re-evaluate if he gets a job.
I want to avoid becoming roommates but also I don’t want to pay for everything I want to do and I don’t want him to “waste” his money on me when he doesn’t want to. Main thing is that I don’t want money to come between us or have him feel like he has to pay for me. I’m a firm believer that every individual should have their own money, own accounts and contribute to the household. I also believe that people who are in a relationship shouldn’t be counting every cent and people in the relationship should have the same quality of life so person who makes more should contribute more. Obviously these things change once you have lived together for longer, have families etc. and they are different depending on culture and handles differently in every relationship.
How have you guys solved money issues?
He explained that he remembers time when he was broke and could barely afford to eat or pay rent. This made him cautious with money and doesn’t like spending. Since I haven’t really experienced being poor I spend money too much. This part is true that I’ve never experienced being poor. When I was a student I didn’t have anything extra but I could manage and since then I’ve always had a job. My job has a really crappy pay but I live alone so it is enough for me.
I have never ever expected him to pay for me. I assumed that I pay this time, you pay the next have been quite fair. When we started to date I was still a student and he was working so back then he paid more and he really made a big deal about how he wants to pay for stuff. I guess when the time passed and he still makes a lot more than I do he has paid for the more expensive stuff and I’ve paid for the less expensive stuff. But only if he has offered. Never have I expected. He did pay for our holiday once. He did the booking and I said that I’ll transfer him my share. He said that I don’t have to and I obviously said that of course I will. He kept saying that my share of the holiday costs the same as what he makes at work in 3 days. I agreed but said that during the holiday I will pay for everything. Now I’m thinking did this actually bother him?
The main problem is that I like to spend money on food, travel and experiences. Nothing insanely expensive. For example we travelled in central Europe once and I wanted to go to a rooftop bar that was fairly expensive. In my opinion it was one of those things that I would want to visit once and the view would be great. He thought it was a waste of money because the drinks would be cheaper at a local pub and the view can be seen from somewhere else. Also I like to cook and on the weekends I enjoy cooking something more special that costs a bit more than my everyday meals. He likes to eat in cheap restaurants often and I prefer cooking at home more and then go out to a fancier restaurant less often. In his opinion it’s a waste to pay so much for one dinner. I enjoy having a day out instead of staying in. Such as taking the bus and going to the neighboring town to have ice cream at the seaside. In his opinion if it is something that I want to do then I would pay for it and then the other way around. He also did admit that because I want to do stuff he gets to experience more also in his hometown. While I somewhat agree with him, but at the same time I think it can’t really work like that either.
Obviously we will talk about this and I would like to offer a solution that will satisfy us both at least in the beginning of him coming over. And then he can share his opinion. I’m fully aware that I don’t have to do everything with him but I wouldn’t want to live too separate lives either. Here is what I was thinking that would be fairly fair. As long as he is unemployed I would pay for rent and utilities. When eating out we would buy our own meals. If having drinks then one round and the other one gets the second. When cooking at home we could split the bill so I would pay 2/3 if we shop together since I’m working and he has income form the flats he is renting and try to find balance of cheap meals and more expensive meals. If he is shopping on his own then he would pay. When one wants to do something that costs the other person has to say if they would prefer not to use money for it and gives the other one an opportunity to decide if they want to pay for other person or find company that would enjoy the activity. If it is something we both want to do the we would pay our own way. This would be my idea at the beginning till we find a flow that will be suitable for both and re-evaluate if he gets a job.
I want to avoid becoming roommates but also I don’t want to pay for everything I want to do and I don’t want him to “waste” his money on me when he doesn’t want to. Main thing is that I don’t want money to come between us or have him feel like he has to pay for me. I’m a firm believer that every individual should have their own money, own accounts and contribute to the household. I also believe that people who are in a relationship shouldn’t be counting every cent and people in the relationship should have the same quality of life so person who makes more should contribute more. Obviously these things change once you have lived together for longer, have families etc. and they are different depending on culture and handles differently in every relationship.
How have you guys solved money issues?
Neither of us are bad with money, we just like to use it defferently.
Comment