Will just basic texting and calling be enough to sustain LDR?

[Taki]

Background- My boyfriend (34M) and I (30F) started dating in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. We dated for 4.5 months before I moved back to Sri Lanka. Although it was a short relationship, we both felt very deeply for eachother so we decided to atleast try to make it work long distance. Now the total duration of our relationship is 6 months. We text everyday and skype call (sometimes video, sometimes audio) about twice a week.


Question- I have been reading up on articles about how to make LDRs work and many of them have really good advice and suggestions to keep the spark (send eachother actual letters, play online games, send little gifts, watch movies and tv shows together etc). My question is this, as great as all these suggestions are, just reading them makes me feel exhausted. At the same time, I'm fretting that if we don't do these things and just stick to phone calls and texts only, our relationship will get boring and wither away. Someone who has been in a LDR for a substantial amount of time please give me some advice based on personal experience. Do you really do all these things to keep the spark alive? Is just basic calling and texting sufficient? Please tell me your story. Thank you in advance.

[Rezie]

We text and call (sound call) via what's app. It has been enough for us. Before finding this forum the thought of date nights etc. had not even occured to me. Now that we have been in LDR almost 5 years I'm thinking that maybe we need to start to video call while having dinner or something so we would get a change. Maybe I will video call him and see if he answers . In my opinion every couplke needs to do what it best for them. SOme people need the Skype on all the time and some need one text a week. If doing care packages, letters, datenights are not natural to you then you shouldn't change yourself since doing communication ina certain way because you have to doesn't serve a purpose.

[Taki]

We text and call (sound call) via what's app. It has been enough for us. Before finding this forum the thought of date nights etc. had not even occured to me. Now that we have been in LDR almost 5 years I'm thinking that maybe we need to start to video call while having dinner or something so we would get a change. Maybe I will video call him and see if he answers . In my opinion every couplke needs to do what it best for them. SOme people need the Skype on all the time and some need one text a week. If doing care packages, letters, datenights are not natural to you then you shouldn't change yourself since doing communication ina certain way because you have to doesn't serve a purpose.

Oh thank you so much for sharing your experience. You have no idea how anxious and agitated I have been about this issue. Your reply really means a lot. <3

[autumn1790]

I don't think any extraneous things are necessary...there may come a time when you want to do something more...a special holiday or birthday. It's all about what you and your SO want...there's no recipe for the "perfect" LDR. But maybe have a conversation with your SO about if there's anything he would like to do additionally. Again, it's all about what your wants are.

[80anthea]

We've been going over 4years now on mainly text and calls with the very occasional video chat in there. My SO doesn't have WiFi and just relies on his phone data for internet so it makes video chatting etc difficult. We haven't got bored of just talking yet!

[Taki]

These replies are such a relief. We've both gone through major changes in both of our lives (me moving back + trying to re-establish my career and him getting a promotion and buying and moving into his house) we both really don't have energy for anything more than texting and phone calls. And I think he's perfectly fine with coasting along with what we have atleast for sometime. In truth, I am too. I was just freaking myself out wondering if we *should* be doing other stuff to prevent us both just coasting along too far until the relationship became boring and dead before we even realised. Sort of like pre-emptive measures I guess. But even thinking about putting in so much effort to do multiple things made me stressed out and overwhelmed me too. I guess I'll just pace myself out. Texting and calling seems to work fine for now. If there are any lags and bumps in the future, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I'm still avidly interested to hear more replies of personal experience so if anyone's reading this, please do chime in with your own experience. It's so much appreciated!

[Honour]

You don't have to do anything major, my SO and I are gamers so we spend some days off playing games together whilst we voice chat. My SO doesn't like going on camera, and I have to say I'm not overly fussed, but we do it sometimes and it's a nice change of pace, plus it reminds me and him both what we're fighting for. We've never really had "date" nights, rather we've had a couple of days where we've sat and watched a film via the virtual world we met in, it was refreshing and I enjoyed the time spent with him. Most of the time we just Skype and the occasional text when a Skype call is impossible. I'd like more, but at the same time, I'm not fussed. I have to say compared to some couples I know, we get quite a bit of time together. Probably too much, because we can easily get on each other's nerves if we aren't careful (naturally a loner, so I need my personal space and time) lol.

[Taki]

Yeah my boyfriend and I both like our space and independence too so stuff like just leaving Skype on and carrying about our day while checking in with each other constantly is not gonna happen because we'd both find it annoying and draining super quick

[sasad]

We were CD before going LD so we are a bit different. In the beginning he hated text and i hated skype. We adjusted and i started to actually like skype and he texted more. We usually skype at night with pillow talk, and fall asleep as i have a child and spend time with him first. We graduated to date nights etc, because that is what WE needed, not what anyone said we should do.
Basically, follow your own drumbeat. Do what it is you both need. If your communication is good, then why fuss? adjust when you or he needs it

[Taki]

We were CD before going LD so we are a bit different. In the beginning he hated text and i hated skype. We adjusted and i started to actually like skype and he texted more. We usually skype at night with pillow talk, and fall asleep as i have a child and spend time with him first. We graduated to date nights etc, because that is what WE needed, not what anyone said we should do.
Basically, follow your own drumbeat. Do what it is you both need. If your communication is good, then why fuss? adjust when you or he needs it

Thank you, btw what is "CD"? Sorry I'm really new to this whole thing!

[Rezie]

I video chatted with my boyfriend for the first time ever. He was confused on what is going on and got super excited about this . I still stand by my statement that there is no right way to communicate. Whatever works for you!

[kittyxuchiha11]

Exactly as the others have said, do what works for you and if doing all these extra things doesn't sound like fun to you don't do it. my SO and I have an eight hour time difference so finding time to be online at the same time is hard so we basically just message throughout the day and reply when we can, we don't have a specific time where we sit down and talk each night we just talk a little bit throughout the day and it seems to work. Every two weeks we have a night where we either skype or play a game together and just audio chat and that's sort of what gets us through the days having that to look forward too. I know i would feel completely exhausted and uncomfortable if i did as other couples do and skyped every day, that would just feel like a nightmare to me, and to her as well probably as we definitely both enjoy our own company a lot and are used to having our own time.
Do what makes you and your SO happy and don't worry that your relationship isn't exactly like someone elses. every relationship is different and everyone has different needs.
(P.S. CD means close distance :3)

[Bee'sknees]

Like others have said, do what feels comfortable. We don't even video chat! We pretty much only text throughout the day and have normal voice calls on Skype every night. We pretty much do special things on birthdays and other occasions, and more in person. Personally I don't feel the need to have date nights over Skype and all that, but obviously I can see why some people like to have them. There are no rules to this. You just do whatever feels good to you and your partner. You will probably need to compromise on some things, but otherwise, you do you!

[Taki]

Exactly as the others have said, do what works for you and if doing all these extra things doesn't sound like fun to you don't do it. my SO and I have an eight hour time difference so finding time to be online at the same time is hard so we basically just message throughout the day and reply when we can, we don't have a specific time where we sit down and talk each night we just talk a little bit throughout the day and it seems to work. Every two weeks we have a night where we either skype or play a game together and just audio chat and that's sort of what gets us through the days having that to look forward too. I know i would feel completely exhausted and uncomfortable if i did as other couples do and skyped every day, that would just feel like a nightmare to me, and to her as well probably as we definitely both enjoy our own company a lot and are used to having our own time.
Do what makes you and your SO happy and don't worry that your relationship isn't exactly like someone elses. every relationship is different and everyone has different needs.
(P.S. CD means close distance :3)

Thank you. Yeah exactly, my BF and I also have a significant time difference- 11.5 hours to be exact. So we are on opposite ends of the day. Even when we were CD (yay thanks for letting me know what it meant ) we kept things really low key and spontaneous and I think that just naturally flowed to this too because even the thought of scheduled phone calls doesn't appeal to me. We end up talking twice a week usually when one or the other of us asks "hey wanna talk" and none of this bothered me until I made the mistake of reading articles on "how to keep up the spark" which said "good morning/goodnight messages are a must, scheduled and regular phone calls are a must" etc. So that got me freaked out thinking that maybe although our spontaneity worked for now, what if we slowly lose touch with each other without even realising it because we HAVEN'T scheduled regular calls and stuff. But in truth, looking at what I PREFER (as opposed to what fear makes me think) even for my personal sanity I prefer not scheduling phone calls like "ok wednesday night and saturday night are date nights" because knowing myself I know that as time wears on I'll end up wondering if he's talking with me on a scheduled night because he TRULY wants to, or just because it's scheduled. Sigh. All these replies have been SO HELPFUL. I cannot thank everyone enough. Y'all have saved my sanity!

[R&R]

My SO and I have been together 3 1/2 years. We got married last November even though we will still be LDR for another 12+ months. We text every day, sometimes only one or two texts, and try to talk every other day or so. I don't remember the last time we were on Skype for a video chat. As the others have said, everyone's level of communcation needs vary. I've had people tell me that we can't survive on how little we talk, but we are doing just fine. I would go crazy talking for hours every day and would feel very suffocated. You guys will figure out what works best for you and will adjust as you go along.