long distance + kids... worth it?

[Eartha]

I am chatting online with someone, and all the info about him so far says he's the best person I could ever meet. I tend to be very idealistic about values, interests etc, so not many people would suit me! I would really like to meet him. However, we live about 600km apart. On low incomes, a trip that far is very expensive. We both have young children, and ex partners who need to spend time with those children, so neither of us can relocate until the kids grow up. I know I could do well in a long distance relationship seeing each other fairly infrequently, but many people wouldn't cope so well and it seems unfair to expect anyone to. If we meet and hit it off, what then? My friend says, from her experience, I shouldn't even be chatting with him, it can't work. I would rather be more optimistic. What is your advice?

[R&R]

I am chatting online with someone, and all the info about him so far says he's the best person I could ever meet. I tend to be very idealistic about values, interests etc, so not many people would suit me! I would really like to meet him. However, we live about 600km apart. On low incomes, a trip that far is very expensive. We both have young children, and ex partners who need to spend time with those children, so neither of us can relocate until the kids grow up. I know I could do well in a long distance relationship seeing each other fairly infrequently, but many people wouldn't cope so well and it seems unfair to expect anyone to. If we meet and hit it off, what then? My friend says, from her experience, I shouldn't even be chatting with him, it can't work. I would rather be more optimistic. What is your advice?

Welcome to LFAD.

Honestly, it all depends on the couple. Some people can make it work for years, knowing once the children are grown that they can move. Other people find that it's too much and break it off. This is something you and he will need to have a serious discussion about it if you meet and decide you may want to pursue the relationship.

Don't let your friends tell you that it can or can't work or you shouldn't be talking to someone due to distance. It's not their potential relationship.

[Moon]

It can be done, but you both have to be equally committed and very independent, and even then, it's really hard. It just depends on the people in the relationship, and what you're willing to sacrifice for a very long-term LDR. I have to say though, not being able to visit very much might end up being a deal-breaker, it would be for me, there has to be something to help keep your connection long term, and make what you're doing worth while. LDR's are tough, even when you see each other often, and it can get very, very lonely, even if you're not the type who needs someone around all of the time, so I'd consider it really carefully before jumping in. It's not fun always being alone, especially when you're looking at years and years ahead of you. i don't mean to discourage you, but as someone who's been LD for almost 8 years, it's no joke.

Keep in mind too, that although you think you'd be OK with the situation, he really might not be. There aren't many people who can cope in your exact situation, and the problem comes when people get into an LDR, fall in love, then one of the people realizes they can't do it anymore. That happens fairly frequently, and it's nobody's fault; you just don't really know until you're already there, you know? So think about it, but be careful and don't let emotions alone rule your decision. Good luck.

[jarrybotter]

Where is the harm in trying? By not trying to be together, you will never know if you can make it work, and you could potentially regret that for the rest of your life. Your friend might have had a negative experience with an LDR, but that dosent at all mean you will. Have faith in your connection and try. You might get hurt, but theres an equal chance he's everything you ever wanted