After eveything Ive done for her, she gets rid of me

[baabidi]

I met a girl online 3 years ago in 2014 just when I graduated and I couldn't find a job for several months. I promised to meet her few times but I couldn't due to not having a job. Everything was good back then and we had good connection. I was finally able to meet her after 2 years and she wanted me to close the distance after 2 years. The only way for me to close the distance would be to apply for a Master's degree in her country and specifically, her city because she didn't want to move anywhere else. I had shit grades in college and no work experience and the only way for me to stand a chance in getting into a grad school was to improve myself, so I took up a job and worked on myself. This would extend the time for 1 more year and initially.

She agreed to this when I got the job but a month ago, she broke up with me and left me. She held grudges from last year and she left me because I didn't apply last year.. she left me because I spent a year longer working here. I worked hard for a year, passed several tough exams and finally applied to Master's and got accepted with Scholarship. Without my work experience, I would have never gotten accepted in any University. She told me if I didn't accepted in a University in her country, the relationship would be over as she doesn't want to move countries. She never visited me either even when I offered a plane ticket. Now I've left my job, left everything only to get teared apart in the last moment. I am very depressed, I worked so hard for this and when I told her the news of getting accepted to a University with Scholarship, she deleted me and blocked me telling me I should have applied last year. After all I've done, the only thing she said was "You should have came here last year without job, you didn't listen to my words and hurt me. Its time to let you go, not all couples end up together". She has no idea how much I worked hard for her, I never bought anything for myself, never went on vacations with friends just so I could save money to meet her again.

[erwin1973]

Hey,
Welcome to the forum.
I see you posted this thread twice (https://members.lovingfromadistance....gets-rid-of-me.

That's not the best idea. I would suggest to close either one of these threads.

[Chris516]

I met a girl online 3 years ago in 2014 just when I graduated and I couldn't find a job for several months. I promised to meet her few times but I couldn't due to not having a job. Everything was good back then and we had good connection. I was finally able to meet her after 2 years and she wanted me to close the distance after 2 years. The only way for me to close the distance would be to apply for a Master's degree in her country and specifically, her city because she didn't want to move anywhere else. I had shit grades in college and no work experience and the only way for me to stand a chance in getting into a grad school was to improve myself, so I took up a job and worked on myself. This would extend the time for 1 more year and initially.

She agreed to this when I got the job but a month ago, she broke up with me and left me. She held grudges from last year and she left me because I didn't apply last year.. she left me because I spent a year longer working here. I worked hard for a year, passed several tough exams and finally applied to Master's and got accepted with Scholarship. Without my work experience, I would have never gotten accepted in any University. She told me if I didn't accepted in a University in her country, the relationship would be over as she doesn't want to move countries. She never visited me either even when I offered a plane ticket. Now I've left my job, left everything only to get teared apart in the last moment. I am very depressed, I worked so hard for this and when I told her the news of getting accepted to a University with Scholarship, she deleted me and blocked me telling me I should have applied last year. After all I've done, the only thing she said was "You should have came here last year without job, you didn't listen to my words and hurt me. Its time to let you go, not all couples end up together". She has no idea how much I worked hard for her, I never bought anything for myself, never went on vacations with friends just so I could save money to meet her again.

Hey,
Welcome to the forum.
I see you posted this thread twice (https://members.lovingfromadistance....gets-rid-of-me.

That's not the best idea. I would suggest to close either one of these threads.

Yes, Close the other thread.

Now, To the situation. At first, it can be said, 'Why didn't you apply last year....yadda, yadda, yadda?'. But for her to insist that you apply for a Masters program in her country, saying that you should have come there last year without a job, accusing you of not listening to her, along with her refusing the plane ticket you offered to buy. Then the coup' de grace being her saying that not all couples end up together.

She seems very self-centered. Yes, You MAY have made a mistake not going earlier, I don't think it would have made a difference. She would have continually found fault with anything you did(or didn't) do.

Your heart being torn apart, is how I felt for a year. When my (ex)wife physically left me. That was until she made a very self-centered remark regarding my physical health. That is when I went from a broken heart to 'thank God she left me'. I divorced her in 2000, and I haven't looked back. She keeps trying to contact me even though she has a boyfriend(last I heard). Most recently she tried to friend me on Facebook for the umpteenth time. I refuse to have any contact with her whatsoever.

Be thankful that you aren't with that scheming woman anymore.

[JJ.KTP13]

Nothing to say but WOW WHAT A F*CKING B*TCH!!

[Rezie]

I'm not on anybodys side and you definitely got the short end of the stick. But first of all you can't build your life around another person. Did you ever want to go to University? If you did then you worked hard for yourself and not for her. Now you have an opportunity to educate yourself. It doesn't matter if you are with her or not. So you wanted to visit her instead of holiday with your friends. This was your choice. You can't blame her for everything. You have a choice of accepting what you think is OK in a relationship. If you do not think it is OK that she doesn't visit then you don't have to accept it. And in my opinion that based on the set up it would have never worked out in the end. I hope you learned to think about your self.

Now you have worked hard to achieve a placement in a university. Well done. You should be proud. If you want the degree then go for it. You don't need her for it.

[snow]

Sometimes people don't appreciate what you do for them and she obviously doesn't. Honestly, be happy you dodged a bullet here. What would have happened if you didn't bring the groceries home when she asked you to? What if you forgot to do the laundry when she asked you to? She honestly sounds very abusive.

[baabidi]

The post did not appear the first time, I will delete the other one.

[baabidi]

I'm not on anybodys side and you definitely got the short end of the stick. But first of all you can't build your life around another person. Did you ever want to go to University? If you did then you worked hard for yourself and not for her. Now you have an opportunity to educate yourself. It doesn't matter if you are with her or not. So you wanted to visit her instead of holiday with your friends. This was your choice. You can't blame her for everything. You have a choice of accepting what you think is OK in a relationship. If you do not think it is OK that she doesn't visit then you don't have to accept it. And in my opinion that based on the set up it would have never worked out in the end. I hope you learned to think about your self.

Now you have worked hard to achieve a placement in a university. Well done. You should be proud. If you want the degree then go for it. You don't need her for it.

I'm not blaming her for my choices. It was my choice indeed, I had to save money and that was the only choice I had. Thank you for the input.

[baabidi]

Sometimes people don't appreciate what you do for them and she obviously doesn't. Honestly, be happy you dodged a bullet here. What would have happened if you didn't bring the groceries home when she asked you to? What if you forgot to do the laundry when she asked you to? She honestly sounds very abusive.

I just feel lost because we planned this since the beginning and I had to drop every other plan for her and now she just walked away saying " 3 years was a long wait, my heart is dead". I wanted to do Masters but in the USA but I dropped the idea for her. Now I don't think I have the time or resources to do anything else. I just invested too much into this. The other day, she asked me after I move to her country whether I would be willing to help her collect furniture (She's moving to a new home and can't take days off from work). I asked her "what if I have classes and get busy at University". She accused me saying I'm making excuses to avoid helping her and deleted me, she keeps deleting me but this time, I got blocked as well.

[erwin1973]

Sometimes people don't appreciate what you do for them and she obviously doesn't. Honestly, be happy you dodged a bullet here. What would have happened if you didn't bring the groceries home when she asked you to? What if you forgot to do the laundry when she asked you to? She honestly sounds very abusive.

If you put it like that, it sounds like my son's mother (my ex-wife). I didn't see it that way (I mean the original post).

To OP: I agree that what has happened, she was not really being nice. The way you put it, she sounded very demanging. But I also agree with Rezie that in fact, what you did was for yourself.

Go cry it out (in any way) and then look forward to do the best you can with what you have left: a chance to get a degree and a good job. You're young enough to have a good wife later on.

The post did not appear the first time, I will delete the other one.

I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. And I didn't mean to be as harsh as I sounded.

I just feel lost because we planned this since the beginning and I had to drop every other plan for her and now she just walked away saying " 3 years was a long wait, my heart is dead". I wanted to do Masters but in the USA but I dropped the idea for her. Now I don't think I have the time or resources to do anything else. I just invested too much into this. The other day, she asked me after I move to her country whether I would be willing to help her collect furniture (She's moving to a new home and can't take days off from work). I asked her "what if I have classes and get busy at University". She accused me saying I'm making excuses to avoid helping her and deleted me, she keeps deleting me but this time, I got blocked as well.

You're not making excuses and she's selfish. And a psycho.

Block her back. So even if she unblocks you, she can't contact you.

[Chris516]

The post did not appear the first time, I will delete the other one.

The site is still being quirky. It was down for a day or more, several days ago. I don't recall the reason. But that is why it still has some bugs to be worked out.

For instance. If you open a current thread from the forum, and reply to it. Your post won't show up. But if you go to your profile and click on 'Latest Posts', you will be able to see all the posts in the thread.

[sasad]

As others said before, its better you find out now how she is. That being said, I wouldn't go into the block her back and other games. Just pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes, and get on with YOUR life. Her loss can be your gain.
Go back to school if you want and take control of your life.

[snow]

I just feel lost because we planned this since the beginning and I had to drop every other plan for her and now she just walked away saying " 3 years was a long wait, my heart is dead". I wanted to do Masters but in the USA but I dropped the idea for her. Now I don't think I have the time or resources to do anything else. I just invested too much into this. The other day, she asked me after I move to her country whether I would be willing to help her collect furniture (She's moving to a new home and can't take days off from work). I asked her "what if I have classes and get busy at University". She accused me saying I'm making excuses to avoid helping her and deleted me, she keeps deleting me but this time, I got blocked as well.

She really sounds very controlling and abusive. You have a life and you would have done anything to be with her - you DID what you could to be with her and she tossed you aside. I know you are hurting and I think you should still do the Masters if it is something you are interested in and it would help you in the long run, but I would stay away from her.

[Arkads]

I think she has a boy friend there otherwise she should be happy that you got accepted by the university and coming to her. you are giving up everything and you did all to meet her and she blocks you now .She doesnt deserve you .

[hmrambling]

I met a girl online 3 years ago in 2014 just when I graduated and I couldn't find a job for several months. I promised to meet her few times but I couldn't due to not having a job. Everything was good back then and we had good connection. I was finally able to meet her after 2 years and she wanted me to close the distance after 2 years. The only way for me to close the distance would be to apply for a Master's degree in her country and specifically, her city because she didn't want to move anywhere else. I had shit grades in college and no work experience and the only way for me to stand a chance in getting into a grad school was to improve myself, so I took up a job and worked on myself. This would extend the time for 1 more year and initially.

She agreed to this when I got the job but a month ago, she broke up with me and left me. She held grudges from last year and she left me because I didn't apply last year.. she left me because I spent a year longer working here. I worked hard for a year, passed several tough exams and finally applied to Master's and got accepted with Scholarship. Without my work experience, I would have never gotten accepted in any University. She told me if I didn't accepted in a University in her country, the relationship would be over as she doesn't want to move countries. She never visited me either even when I offered a plane ticket. Now I've left my job, left everything only to get teared apart in the last moment. I am very depressed, I worked so hard for this and when I told her the news of getting accepted to a University with Scholarship, she deleted me and blocked me telling me I should have applied last year. After all I've done, the only thing she said was "You should have came here last year without job, you didn't listen to my words and hurt me. Its time to let you go, not all couples end up together". She has no idea how much I worked hard for her, I never bought anything for myself, never went on vacations with friends just so I could save money to meet her again.

I bolded some of her words for emphasis.

Do you realize that she is right in that you should have listened to her? You should have paid attention to the person that she actually is instead of the person you wanted her to be.

To say, "look at all that I've done for you" is to play a victim role and a set up for a resentment. To do something to better yourself is one thing, to do something toward working to be a couple is another, but to do something completely for another person is a set up for the victim role.

Any time anyone says, "look at all I've done for you" is holding that other person responsible for actions instead of holding yourself responsible for your own actions.

Own that you chose to make those decisions. Then make better decisions in the future. It is very important that you own responsibility for making those decisions so that you don't continue to make the same decisions over and over. She is not solely responsible for your decisions. You played a part as well.