I've been friend with this guy since my higher secondary level. We are way too different with our family backgrounds and culture. We were in contact since the second year when our sections separated and we were pretty habitual to talk to each others. After that I moved abroad for my further studies while he was proceeding his study here. Mostly we talked and chatted through social sites. We had fights and we talked, even we blocked each other sometimes. But we weren't ought to be seperated that soon.
I had a feeling that he liked me and yeah I too had feelings for him somewhere down in my heart(coz I pretend not to have it as I've came here to study yhat must be my first priority plus my parents are not letting me into the love stuff, they are highty sensative, can't let them down).
On the second year he proposed me, inside I was like OMG hell yes... but wasn't able to confront. Our friendship started scattering but our bond wasn't that weak. Still we were having hopes and were trying to make our friendship work.
In his culture, the guys can marry their own maternal unkle's daughter. And whenever he visits his unkles place he would talk about his soltie(unkle's daughter) and saali(wife's sister) so I get confused at times. He even said that his marriage is fixed. I didn't have guts to ask more, I really can't show how jealous I am and who knows if it would matter now or not. Times passed, and we become more of habitual to yalking to each others. I think of my studies and my parents and try to maimtain my distance.There were times when I feel like I was everything he wants and times when we even don't know anything.
A girl approached him, I felt no good but I felt I should not held him gor a future I don't know even exist or not. He went for a relation but couldn't give his best to her, his feelings it didn't let him do so and he broke up in good terms.
Finally during my 3rd year, I told him how I felt with the help of a friend of mine, I could feel how happy he was. But inside me there was a guilt that pulled me back, I wasn't able to do it, and after few days I asked for some time and I broke up with him. From both sides, I am at guilt ...breaking trust of my parents in one hand and my man at other. We weren't in contact for a whole year.
But I missed him badly during that period. I heard news from our mutual bff about his marriage prospect and I just was out of my mind, depressed, out of love.
And yes, during my last year, I made another mistake, I accepted another proposal from the friend's friend (the one who helped me to express my feelings during the 3rd yr). I've already broken my parent's trust now at least trying to forget him and hoping his life to be good, to be filled with happiness that I bound him from but end up doing the worst. I talked about my ex-all the time, he seem understanding but try to be more physical. truthfully, I wasn't in that relation coz I liked him so I felt really uncomfortable. And time came when my ex and I came in contact again and idk what came to me that we talked about our relations and he was totally broken and I too broke coz I was continuously hurting the one whom I wished not to hurt for a single time. I felt nothing, no feelings nothing. I explained to my bf I can't do this. And might be broke him too.
Now I'm back to my home town, and every time I hear about him I miss him but I wish him to be happy for his lifetime. He deserves far better than me, the one who only knows crushing. We are not in contact anymore.
I had a feeling that he liked me and yeah I too had feelings for him somewhere down in my heart(coz I pretend not to have it as I've came here to study yhat must be my first priority plus my parents are not letting me into the love stuff, they are highty sensative, can't let them down).
On the second year he proposed me, inside I was like OMG hell yes... but wasn't able to confront. Our friendship started scattering but our bond wasn't that weak. Still we were having hopes and were trying to make our friendship work.
In his culture, the guys can marry their own maternal unkle's daughter. And whenever he visits his unkles place he would talk about his soltie(unkle's daughter) and saali(wife's sister) so I get confused at times. He even said that his marriage is fixed. I didn't have guts to ask more, I really can't show how jealous I am and who knows if it would matter now or not. Times passed, and we become more of habitual to yalking to each others. I think of my studies and my parents and try to maimtain my distance.There were times when I feel like I was everything he wants and times when we even don't know anything.
A girl approached him, I felt no good but I felt I should not held him gor a future I don't know even exist or not. He went for a relation but couldn't give his best to her, his feelings it didn't let him do so and he broke up in good terms.
Finally during my 3rd year, I told him how I felt with the help of a friend of mine, I could feel how happy he was. But inside me there was a guilt that pulled me back, I wasn't able to do it, and after few days I asked for some time and I broke up with him. From both sides, I am at guilt ...breaking trust of my parents in one hand and my man at other. We weren't in contact for a whole year.
But I missed him badly during that period. I heard news from our mutual bff about his marriage prospect and I just was out of my mind, depressed, out of love.
And yes, during my last year, I made another mistake, I accepted another proposal from the friend's friend (the one who helped me to express my feelings during the 3rd yr). I've already broken my parent's trust now at least trying to forget him and hoping his life to be good, to be filled with happiness that I bound him from but end up doing the worst. I talked about my ex-all the time, he seem understanding but try to be more physical. truthfully, I wasn't in that relation coz I liked him so I felt really uncomfortable. And time came when my ex and I came in contact again and idk what came to me that we talked about our relations and he was totally broken and I too broke coz I was continuously hurting the one whom I wished not to hurt for a single time. I felt nothing, no feelings nothing. I explained to my bf I can't do this. And might be broke him too.
Now I'm back to my home town, and every time I hear about him I miss him but I wish him to be happy for his lifetime. He deserves far better than me, the one who only knows crushing. We are not in contact anymore.