Advice for staying abroad or going home.

[Riya]

Hello all!!

So I'm currently living in Japan, working and studying Japanese because my dream since I was young was to learn Japanese. My job I'm in requires me to sign a year long contract which is renewable each year. I'm trying to decide if I want to stay or go. I don't like my job but I love Japan. Getting another job is really difficult here for foreigners.
I've been with my boyfriend (recently turned fiancé) for 8 years and he lives in Sydney. We've only been doing long distance for a year and be came over a couple of weeks ago and proposed to me on our anniversary. Since he's gone back to Aus I've been so depressed. Not eating much, always crying, hard to sleep. I miss him so so so much that I'm questioning if i should stay or go home. I'm worried that I'd be giving up my dream for someone else but I love him to the end of the earth and back and all I want is to be by his side. I'm worried if something happens to either of us, we'll be apart. I studied Japanese for three years in uni and I'm so unhappy in my job here that I'm not really learning much Japanese because I come home and just stay in my apartment, even though I want to learn. I'm just not sure if it's healthy to place all your heart and self into one person, which I'm more than willing to do. I should add he can't come over here and he's told me he's willing to wait as long as I need in Japan. I was originally going to be here for 5 years and he accepted that. Any advice?!

[5518MilesApart]

Keep it up, Riya. You had a dream, push yourself to accomplish it. But people change and things change, that is understandable.
Are you losing your passion for the language and the location? You say you want to learn but head back to your apartment.. Do you have people you can hang out with?
It's tough for foreigners in Japan, I'm sure. Where are you originally from?

[Sakuu4]

Are you in Tokyo or any other big city?
If you are in a rural area I would say things will hardly get better. I lived in Japan in the past (and I am supposed to go live there to stay with my SO) and I know it can be hard.
It's great that you got a job there and were able to do this experience, but if this doesn't make you happy I would say it's not worth it. But, it's also true that in that kind of situation everything may look worse than it is..

If you feel it a waste to leave your job after so much effort, maybe you can stay one more year in order not to have any regret later on?
Meanwhile you can see if things get better or if you still feel really upset you know that it will end "soon" anyway :\

p.s.: if you are anywhere near Tokyo we can meet up

[R&R]

Hi Riya,

I think in order to make you decision, you need to remove you SO from the equation. What I mean by that, is you need to look at all the pros and cons for you as an individual regarding staying in Japan or leaving. If the pros outweigh the cons, the maybe you'll want to put in that extra year or two. If you're unhappy over 50% of the time due to you circumstances there and you have the opportunity to go home with no consequences, then maybe it's time to go home.

As far as your comment "I'm just not sure if it's healthy to place all your heart and self into one person, which I'm more than willing to do." You can give you heart to one person, sure. However, you still need to maintain yourself. A relationship needs to be part of an already full life and not the main focus of your life. Your SO should enhance what you already have, not be the only thing that keeps you going.

[Lio]

I would recommend you not to give up.

My British friend lives in Japan for few years, and his first job was teaching English. You surely know that it's very difficult to have your real job in Japan. By real job, I mean, if we take my friend as an example, he's now a designer, but he had to wait for two or three years before he could work in this branch.

Many people dream to live in Japan, for various reasons (some are "otaku", some others like Japanese culture (historical, temples...), and so on). But not many of them can do it, also many of them don't realize how living and working there is difficult, especially for foreigners. Even though you dislike your job (which may be totally understandable), you have the chance to live in a country that you love.

And even though your SO can't often come to Japan, nor live there, he seems to be very supportive and trustworthy. Not anyone would wait for their gf/bf for such a long time. I understand it's difficult to the both of you, but I really think giving up is not the good thing to do.

Ganbatte ne.