Need Some Hope

[Lonely in NYS]

I have been in a LDR for almost two years now. We've gotten together three times so far and plan on seeing each other again this August. When we first met, she was on vacation, and she had lots of time to communicate. We video chatted, texted, emailed and IM'ed alot. I really felt like I was a part of each others' lives. Once she went back to work, our communication suffered. We discussed it many times and even we able to reach a compromise about communications. Things got a little better. However, she still seems too busy for us. She works full time as I do and the time difference doesn't help. We text a little bit, during weekdays, but she can't really do so freely. Sometimes maybe a brief IM. She gets home at night, many times exhausted from work or gets busy doing stuff, so I don't hear a lot from her then. She is staying with her parents until she can find a place to live,so doesn't have much privacy. On her day off and on weekends, she is busy with chores, errands or with social stuff. We get to video chat maybe once a week and sometimes just for an hour or so.
We've gone from lots of different forms of communication to just two - texting and video chatting once a week. She sends me cards and gifts. I've done the same. We don't get much daily contact and I only seem to feel as if we are a couple when we visit each other. She says she is doing her best and I don't want to come off as selfish when I tell her I want to hear from her more. I love her a lot and she wants us to work. We have plans to be together in the neat future and to get married. It is so difficult with not hearing from her very often and waiting so long between seeing each other. I am trying to be understanding, to be the person she deserves.
Can anyone offer me any advice and/or give me any perspective. As I said, I love her very much and I think this can work; I just need to hear something hopeful, something to keep my spirits up.

[R&R]

Welcome to LFAD.

I know it's hard, but it does sound like she is doing what the she can. She is sending cards and gifts, texting, IMing and calling when she can. Communication is important but we also have to look at all circumstances surrounding why it has decreased. She's started a new job that leaves her exhausted, she lives with family and you have a time difference. A piece of advice I give - if one party isn't satisfied with something in the relationship, they can't just tell their partner they are unhappy. They need to come up with realistic solutions to bring to the conversation to show they have put thought into it and have ideas on a fix.

My SO and I have been together 3 1/2 years. At the beginning, we had plenty of time to talk. Then, I started a part-time job, so we I was working about 60+ hours a week between my FT & PT job. He owns his own business and can literally be on the go from 6:00am until midnight. He's cutting glass, putting in glass, working on roofs, etc....ususally his phone is in his van all day long while he's outside or working in buildings. I now work full-time and go to school full-time while also being a volunteer Student Ambassador to other students. He's been working for his cousin over the winter as a mechanic and his phone isn't around because he doesn't want it getting accidentally broken. Some days, we only get a text or two to each other. This past Wednesday, there was no contact at all. It doesn't mean there is an issue or that we don't love each other.....it just means, that at times, other things come up and we have to be flexible. We got married last November, so it does and can work - you just both have to be understanding and want to make it work.

[Lonely in NYS]

Thanks for responding and putting things into perspective. We have both discussed ways to make it better and we are dedicated to making it work. It doesn't help the situation that I have serious anxiety and depression. i am on medication for it and my SO is very understanding about it. I try very hard to not let it get the better of me, but on some days, it's harder to deal with. My SO is amazing and it's hard to be so far apart. I know it's the same for her. As long as we are honest with one another and willing to compromise, I know it's going to keep moving forward.
I am very happy your LDR worked out for the both you. You seem to be a very kind person, and you are both very lucky to have found one another. Best wishes for you both in the future!