Broke up, last time meeting sunday (tomorrow)

[Maxje95]

Hello everyone,

I am 21 and my ex is 18. We've had a LDR for nearly 1.5 years. I went to see her a lot and with christmas she came over to me for the first time. She was my first one with everything, including my first girlfriend. This is why she's really special to me.

About 3,5 months ago she broke up with me. Since then we still talked a lot to each other. She knew that I always wanted her back but she never wanted to. A bit longer than a month ago or so we stopped talking and like 3 weeks ago she told me that she still loved me and missed me. She didn't wanna come back to me yet because she wanted to talk about things in real life, face to face. I immediatly bought an airplane ticket to go and see her. After she talked to me again, obviously we talked every day since then, till one day. On that day we had an argument over nearly nothing and she blocked me everywhere and I didn't know what was going on. I texted a friend of hers what was going on and after a while her friend told me that my ex thought that she missed me, but finally didn't... She wanted to move on and didn't want me back. I felt so broken hearing that, and I didn't get why..
Again, after a few days we started talking again out of nowhere. She said that she still loved me but doesn't want something with me anymore and she says she's 100% sure of it. Yet we still talk every day, from morning till night.
As I will still go to her village (I will stay at my friends house who live there), we both decided that we will talk about things face to face.. I will be going this sunday (tomorrow basically). The thing is, I am really nervous, unsure and sad, because I realise that this will be the last time that I will see her in real life... I am so upset and I cry a lot because of this and I just don't really know what to say or do. I actually still have a bit hope inside of me, which I don't think I should have..

I don't really know how to handle this and I don't know what I should say to her..

Any advice or anything is really welcome.
Thanks in advance.

Max

[Redheart14]

If she's made her decision you'll have to accept it, and yes it will hurt. I guess at least you'll get closure being able to talk in person. Most LDR couples don't get that. Look after yourself

[Maxje95]

So we saw each other and talked about things and out of nowhere we kissed each other.. Then things got out of hand and we slept with each other twice.. 2 days later (today) we saw each other again and it happened again.. I fall for it so easy because I still love her so much. She says she still loves me as well but she doesn't want me back. Now I am missing her so much and if it comes to things like this I'm really a coward and can't stop crying. I don't know if I regret what we did but it feels like I miss her even more now.. And we might see each other again tomorrow or saturday..
I am completely lost

[snow]

You have to tell her to stop playing with your heart and be upfront.
What is this? Are you together? Are you friends with benefits? Is this over?
You need to know what is going on or you will be hurting much more in the end.

[Maxje95]

We are not together. I really want to be but she tells me that she doesn't want me back. What was going to be a 'talk' ended up in much more. So I'm guessing it's like as if we are friends with benefits, but I don't want that and I can't be that, because I feel too much for her and I still love her more than anything, especially after this happened..

[snow]

Then tell her and stop letting her use you. If you don't want to be friends with benefits, stop having sex with her.

[Rezie]

Having sex togethere after breaking up is quite common. It's usually not a good idea, but somehow it just happens and it doesn't really mean anything. I think she has been quite clear. She loves you but doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship. She would rather move on and be with someone local. If you can't handle casually hooking up with her then you shouldn't do it. If talking to her makes moving on more difficult then you shouldn't do it. You should make up the rules about giving space, contacting, physical aspect that will help you both to move on.

[Maxje95]

Well she was really mean to me and also she told me she wouldn't come to see me again. So I got really mad and I decided that we should block each other and leave each other alone and she agreed on that. So we recently blocked each other and since that moment I started crying and it feels like it's the end of the world..

[Redheart14]

I know it's hard now but you will heal. Take care of you right now.

[Maxje95]

She was my daily activity, I talked to her every day from morning till night, and now it's all gone.. I can't stop thinking about her and I miss her so much..

[Redheart14]

You'll adjust. Find other ways to fill that time. Do things for you, like go for a walk or meet up with friends.

[R&R]

She was my daily activity, I talked to her every day from morning till night, and now it's all gone.. I can't stop thinking about her and I miss her so much..

My daughters are your age. Even when they were younger, this is what they got from me when a relationship ended: "You get ONE day to be dramatic, cry, fuss, bitch, yell or whatever. After that, it's time to become a functioning member of society again." It didn't mean that they had to forget the relationship or the person, but it did mean that they need to remember that they still have a life that they need to get back to. Dragging out the drama, the crying, the being miserable is something you are putting on yourself. You are capable of deciding to move on from it and doing just that.

This will also be a good lesson for you to learn, though you may not feel it now. You need to be a whole person on your own. You need friends, hobbies, a job, things that fulfill you on your own. Then, a relationship will enchance an already full life. However, this stops someone from becoming your whole life - which is what you are experiencing now. What did you do before this relationship? It's time to get back to it and make YOU the priority in your life.

[Maxje95]

Thanks for your comments.
Before the relationship I didn't do many different things than now, except playing football which I quit more than a half year ago.
I will fly home today, I hope that helps a bit... Because now I am in her village and very close to her house..

[R&R]

Thanks for your comments.
Before the relationship I didn't do many different things than now, except playing football which I quit more than a half year ago.
I will fly home today, I hope that helps a bit... Because now I am in her village and very close to her house..

Leaving the area will help. I would suggest that when you get home that you start getting out and doing things. Look for meetups in your area. Take a class in something that interests you. You deserve to do things for you that enrich your life and that you enjoy. Sometimes that means going out of our comfort zone to do something.....but everything you do in life you had to do for the first time at one point. Make your life great for you becauase you are the only person you spend your entire life with and it should be enjoyable.

[Maxje95]

Thanks for the reply again. I just arrived at home. I cried for like 2 minutes and then I stopped. I hope I will be strong in the future and I hope I can move on. After all it's already 4 months after she left me.

"I don't care anymore, its his loss. He's the one that lost something good!"
Someone wrote this in a thread here. Maybe I just have to think the same way.. Everyone says I'm too kind for her and I deserve better.. So I might just have to think that way, even though that's hard as she was my first girl..