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Do you let your SO stay on online dating sites?

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    #1

    Do you let your SO stay on online dating sites?

    My boyfriend's group of friends are busy with their own families and jobs already. He says he is only meeting girls from online sites for the chats. We met online. And now on LDR. So far, he has told me everything that is going on with his life and would regularly visit my parents. I am just really sad and anxious when he would tell me he is meeting another girl. I told him its ok if he does, at least it makes him happy coz i am not there to be with him.
    Have you been in a similar situation? Is you SO still on online dating sites?
    Tags: online dating
    #2
    There are other sites for friendship like meetup.com that don't involve dating. I think I would be very upset if my SO was on a dating site and meeting people for dates.

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      #3
      Is he meeting them for dates or to potentially make friends? That makes a huge difference. I would be very very upset if my husband met girls on dates, especially if that was how we met.

      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
      Married: 1/24/2015
      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

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        #4
        If he's looking just for friendships, why doesn't he, as80anthea said, look for meetups? Or guys to buddy around with? I do believe that men and women can be just friends, but when you are looking for "friends" on a dating site, that's not just looking for friends. I mean, what person who is looking for dates and a potential relationship is going to waste their time on someone who they know is unavailable?

        Unless you specifically laid down ground rules that you are in an open relationship and dating others is perfectly acceptable, then it's not okay. And are you doing the same? Dating men where you are? If not, why not? And how would your SO feel if you starting dating too? You know.....just as friends with the guys.
        To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

        ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

        Comment

          #5
          Considering the nature of the website I met my SO through, I'd feel betrayed and hurt if after all this time my SO was hooking up with "friends" online and meeting them in RL, and doing it behind me back or with my knowledge. Doesn't matter... I'd still be upset either way.

          Comment

            #6
            Are you in exclusive relationship? If yes then meeting girls from dating sites is not ok. It's not allowing that's the problem, It's that he is not suppose to date others. There are other sites to make friends. Male and femail. Do you honestly think that he tells the girls upfront that he is taken and is looking for friends only. It's also unfair to his dates.

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by 80anthea View Post
              There are other sites for friendship like meetup.com that don't involve dating. I think I would be very upset if my SO was on a dating site and meeting people for dates.
              Why don't you try suggesting meetup?

              Originally posted by R&R View Post
              If he's looking just for friendships, why doesn't he, as80anthea said, look for meetups? Or guys to buddy around with? I do believe that men and women can be just friends, but when you are looking for "friends" on a dating site, that's not just looking for friends. I mean, what person who is looking for dates and a potential relationship is going to waste their time on someone who they know is unavailable?

              Unless you specifically laid down ground rules that you are in an open relationship and dating others is perfectly acceptable, then it's not okay. And are you doing the same? Dating men where you are? If not, why not? And how would your SO feel if you starting dating too? You know.....just as friends with the guys.
              I agree it'd be interesting to see how he'd take it if it were you doing this.

              Comment

                #8
                I feel this definitely depends on what the website he's using as some dating sites like plenty of fish are widely used for making friends as well as finding a partner. If it was something like match.com or OKcupid then i would probably have more of a problem with it as people on there are only really looking for dates and even if he was on there trying to make friends he would be leading people on and that isn't okay. For example, I have a friend who only uses plenty of fish to find people to talk to as she's a very lonely person and needs a lot of communication/attention in her life. Before she started using it she was incredibly miserable as my neither friend group or her boyfriend could deal with her need to be in communication with someone at all times so yeah it's really helped her. My mum is sort of the same and although her boyfriend is now living with us she still goes on plenty of fish to chat to people, sometimes she makes new friends bu mostly she goes on there to talk to the several friends she's made on the website over the years.

                The bottom line is if you feel uncomfortable and feel his intent with these people he's making friends with isn't okay then you need to say that. Yes it is totally fine for him to make friends but he needs to make friends in a place where the other people he meets know those are his only intentions. Talk to him about it, get his point of view and then work together to figure out what to do from there. good luck :3
                my girls <3

                Josie (SO)
                Met online ~ 17th August 2017 ~
                Met in person ~ 30th August 2017 ~
                Became official ~ 15th September 2017 ~
                Closed the distance and moved in together! ~ 18th June 2018 ~

                Ash
                Met online ~ 21st November 2018 ~
                Met in person ~ 26th November 2018 ~
                Became official ~ 4th December 2018 ~
                All moved in together! ~ 30th May 2019 ~

                Comment

                  #9
                  Thank you for all your replies.

                  He is still on Tinder and OkCupid.
                  Initially, I agreed when he asked me if he could meet others just for the chats. Then we had the discussion that he is trying not to watch porn because he feels tempted to just go out and have sex with anyone. We have been apart for 5 months now and I understand how he feels. So then I said maybe you can have sex with your dates.. as long as you tell me". So far he hasnt.

                  We are in an exclusive relationship. But as the way things are going, its as if we are becoming open. I have not dated anyone here. I just meet my friends when I feel lonely.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    There are serious alarm bells here. Tinder is not a site to be on if you're in a relationship. Doesn't sound like an exclusive relationship if you're suggesting he sleep with other girls as long as he tells you. You need to be honest with him.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I cannot force my SO to do anything. He is in charge of himself.

                      But, if after agreeing we were in a serious relationship, he still remained on dating sites, he would not be my SO for very long.

                      If he forgot about the account, that is one thing.
                      But if he still seems to be active on it, still checking on it?

                      Not ok for me. As others have said, there are places to meet friends outside of dating apps and that is a poor excuse in my opinion.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        My SO has a Facebook dating profile of sorts. I am ok with him keeping it because he stopped using it long before he met me. I am fine with him having female platonic friends and meeting women alone etc. We have discussed open relationships many times; now that my husband has left me, we have a monogamous relationship, until we meet I dont have sex, I also dont let him sleep with other women. And I absolutely would not be ok with him being on Tinder or OK Cupid and withholding from the women there about being in a committed relationship, because I dont do lying and sneaking around.

                        You are anchious and scared about him meeting up with other women, you have asked him to not jerk off to porn as an attempt to stop him from sleeping with other women... it sounds as if you prefer to be mongamous with him and you have not had any real discussions about what open relationships might mean for you.
                        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Can I ask, is perhaps the reason you're not voicing how you feel have anything to do with what you posted in this thread?
                          https://members.lovingfromadistance....276#post436276

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by Mich0909 View Post
                            Thank you for all your replies.

                            He is still on Tinder and OkCupid.
                            Initially, I agreed when he asked me if he could meet others just for the chats. Then we had the discussion that he is trying not to watch porn because he feels tempted to just go out and have sex with anyone. We have been apart for 5 months now and I understand how he feels. So then I said maybe you can have sex with your dates.. as long as you tell me". So far he hasnt.

                            We are in an exclusive relationship. But as the way things are going, its as if we are becoming open. I have not dated anyone here. I just meet my friends when I feel lonely.
                            My SO and I were apart for 15 months and there wasn't one single instant of time where I was tempted to be with anyone but my SO. Military relationships do it all the time. Many LDR couples on here spend time longer than that apart or haven't even met yet and have no issue remaining faithful. Maybe the two of you just aren't cut out for an LDR. It's okay if you're not - just be honest and up front about it.
                            To those who dream, nothing is ever far away.

                            ​Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It blows out the little ones and fans the big ones.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              So in a way you have agreed on an open relationship saying that he can have sex with others?
                              Open relationship is something where you have to discuss rules and it has to be ok foe everyone and work both ways. If you are not comfortable with open relationship and he isn't comfortable with being without sex then LDR is the relatinship for him.

                              No one is on tinder for the chats and friends. It's for quick hookups and a small percentage for dating. Ok cupid is also for dating.

                              Comment

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