Advice appreciated--new to this whole thing

[awayincan]

Hi everyone,

I am a recent professional school graduate in a LDR with a girl who I really love. In fact, I can honestly say I have never loved someone like this before in my life. I feel just privileged to be able to be with this person. The feelings, as far as I can tell, are wholly mutual.

We both went to the same school, but alas, I am now leaving to pursue a job in a different city (hours from where our mutual school was located) and further education. My LD partner and I have discussed this and agreed to set an end date of two years for us to be apart, while she completes her education.

My girlfriend is beautiful (much more than I am--I am not a built guy with muscles or anything), and I, frankly, have trust issues. But I have no idea why. She has never done anything dishonest with me. Yet, I cannot bring myself to trust that I will not get hurt in this process.

I have, in the past, suffered with depression. I fought back to get over those feelings a year or so ago. But the constant nagging feeling of distrust and the "what-ifs" seem to be dragging me back into the pit of depression--though it is not severe and I still go about my daily business. The point is that I do not feel like myself.

All of this is happening while I have much to look forward to on the horizon: I am graduating at the top of my class, have job offers, and a seemingly bright future ahead. But I am struggling with reconciling the feelings of (1) being head over heels with someone like I have never been before (and I have been in serious relationships in the past) and (2) the fear of being ruined by this.

Has anyone struggled with this tension before? And further, does anyone have any advice as to how to get over this illogical trust thing? I hope these questions are sufficiently specific, and I really appreciate any advice.

[differentcountries]

Hi,

trusting people can be hard. Life is not a given, but you have tro try to enjoy things as you go along.

Now you have, as you say, a beautiful woman who says she loves you. You are not handsome in your own eyes, but perhaps in hers? Not all of us girls are into big muscular guys. My boyfriend is quite androgynous looking and I think he is the most beautiful man alive (I still feel that way after almost 4 years).

The fact that you dont feel like "yourself" is a big warning sign for depression. If I were you, I would definetely consider getting help, especially since seperating from your girlfriend can trigger a reactive depression as well. You will be wise to consider yourself vounerable, and seek som help with meds, therapy or other means you know of. My boyfriend had a bad reactive depression last year and one of the things he kept repeating was that he did not feel like himself. I knew that he was reacting because of a work conflict and so I made him change jobs.

Also, talk this over with your gf. If she cares about you, she can help you to bridge these conflicting feelings. But dont be afraid to seek additional help. Depression can get ugly pretty fast. Best wishes

[Honour]

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."

It's so true. I don't feel like I'm good-looking, but my SO thinks I look it. I don't believe it in the slightest, but I've always had issues with self-confidence and such, depression too. I like the flattery and the compliments, though sparse (my SO doesn't compliment etc very often), and it makes me feel good. That's enough for me.