All in a sudden really want to visit my bf 6000 miles away

[underthewater]

Hi all, I want to have some of your opinions as all in a sudden I really want to go to Hong Kong (from London) to visit my boyfriend...please tell me if it's too crazy.

So he left 3 weeks ago, now he's living in a service apartment and will move into a flat from the beginning of October. So far we're doing ok, we talk everyday and have solved minor disagreement. Today is Sat and he went to buy some paintings for his new flat and then went to have a drink alone in a bar. When I called him at about 11:30pm his time, he's had a few drink, and as everybody knows, truth comes out easilier when people are drunk. My boyfriend is not that type of guy who expresses himself well, but he when he told me today

"I'm sitting out of a 7-11 drinking a beer and trying to meet people, I talked to different people here-guys, I just talked to guys, not girls, there's no girl around here...well, there're some but I'm not talking to them. I just want to meet some people here, I have no friends, I need to have some mates to hang out with, I'm lonely. I'm lonely! I need to have some mates like XXX (his best mate in London), he called me today, I need to know some new people here, I don't know anybody here, I'm so lonely!"

I know he's not coping with the new environment very well, he's never lived in Asia before and although I've told him things about Hong Kong (I'm Chinese), it's still hard for him. "I'm lonely" is just not something he'd say, I was very surprised when I heard it.

So I have this idea of visiting him at the beginning of October for 10 days, I just checked the tickets, I can afford it, I can take that time off...but then I won't go to the States with him for Christmas (it's still unsure if I can get the US visa though) and will only pay another visit to Hong Kong maybe in early Feb since I don't have that much money. Please can someone tell me if this is a good idea especially if you are or were in my boyfriend's shoes. I just think support is always great but when it's provided at a time when he needs it the most, it'll be a lot easier for him to pass the "arrival" phrase.

[Bluestars]

Personally, I would wait until after he has passed the "arrival" phase. Eventually, he will have to make new friends, but if you show up out of nowhere and then leave when he hasn't made any yet, then he might be even lonelier than before. That is just my opinion, but maybe it would be good for him? I do not know what your boyfriend is like, but saying goodbye to your loved one can be really hard too :/

Hopefully he will make some friends soon! How long has it been since he moved there?

[paulawriteslove]

I think that he's going through an adjustment phase and needs to get through this on his own. He will make new friends and get comfortable with his environment In the end the decision is up to you though

[Mio]

I think that it would be a nice idea to go, it looks like he is having a hard time. And as you are Chinese I think you might be able to help him a little in thosedays, and try to find friends together.

[DinaAndMehmet]

i kinda went through the same thing as ur SO but eventually did meet people
if you go to meet him during this adjustment phase you are prolonging this phase, you will have to leave after the 10 days and he will be back to square one
so personally, i think its better if he adjusts first, then go and see him ..then again its all up to good luck with it

[Silviar]

It's a hard adjustment, moving to Asia, because of the culture differences. Although it'd be lovely to have you there, I would also vote for waiting, because he's going to have to find friends one way or another on his own, and you'd only be delaying the inevitable.

I really feel for him, making friends was nigh impossible for me in Osaka.

[Luisina]

I agree that it might prolong his situation if you go.. Of course it's SOOO tempting when you even have the money and everything, but once you are together you'll be so happy to see eachother that suddenly meeting new people might not have top priority.. those 10 days will fly, and then when you leave he'll not only be back at square one, but might end up having all the places went together during those 10 days remind him of you..

I moved away to my current address about 5 weeks before my boyfriend left for South Africa.. new surroundings, new people, new school.. I was here alone for about 5 days before we missed eachother too much and he almost "moved in".. he ended up spending 4 out of 5 weeks here with me, meeting and hanging out with my new house mates, visiting my new school and walking around town hand in hand with me.. just to mention a few examples..
Now that he's gone everything reminds me of him. Everything from my bedroom to cooking in my kitchen and walking by the local florist where he bought me flowers..
Even though I moved here first and started a new chapter in my life, everything around me now reminds me of the 4 weeks when he was still here and it hurts so bad!

Granted, I don't know how well your boyfriend handles stuff like that, but if he's at all like me visiting might delay his "arrival phase" even further because you'll still "be there" in a way no matter where he goes afterwards
.... On the other hand, if he's the complete opporsite, seeing "you" everywhere might help him?

You might also risk regretting not having the opportunity of spending Christmas with him..? If it were me, I'd love to see my boyfriend after 3 months when he's happy about having made it on his own rather than 3 weeks when he's still trying to settle in..

I know it must be very hard to hear him having such a hard time..
I've kinda been in his shoes when I moved Wellington, New Zealand last year... it was very, very lonely at first cause I didn't know a SOUL, but I got though it and ended up spending 7 months there, working and meeting people I still consider some of my best friends today.. also, making it on my own, on the other side of the planet was such a personal victory as well^^ I feel for him, but I also kinda envy him, because it was such a great time in my life once I got over the hurdle of meeting people

In the end it's all up to you - what might not work for me, could be the perfect solution for you guys I hope you get to a decision!
Good luck whatever you decide

[underthewater]

Hi, thanks everyone!

So I talked to my boyfriend today, he stayed out there till 4am last night and got pretty drunk...it's bad, very bad! When we spent every weekend together he got drunk on special occasions maybe once every two month with his mates.

I do have some friends there who may hang out with my bf, and I kind of think if I go there and introduce them to each other, they will start to hang out. My bf doesn't want to hang out with westerners there as he wants to learn local culture and language but Chinese people are kind of shy and cautious when it comes to meeting new people, especially westerners.

And his capacity to make new friends is really...he literally had only one good mate (the one who called him last night), and he hanged out with his housemates (a couple) and a few other guys from work after moving to London from the US for 4 years! Now he can't hang out with guys from work (since he has a bigger title now and he told me others guys on the same level are all married with kids) so it's just even more difficult for him.

He said he'd check his schedule tomorrow and make sure he's not on any business trip next month. I guess he also needs some time to decide if it's a good idea. I've told him I'll only do it if he really feels the necessity because I'm doing it for him.

And about Christmas in the US: I'm not sure if I can get a tourist visa, this will be the biggest problem now. If I don't, I may end up seeing him next year since I'll get extremely busy from the end of October to the beginning of December and then he'll be in the US when I have time to visit at the end of the year. Of course going to the US and visiting his family will be great, but there's always a risk there...I hope I have the money to do both so even I visit now, I can still give the US visa application a shot:< Sigh!